The Compassionate Friends

Domain V · Systemic, relational, group & community · Simon Stephens, Joe Lawley, Iris Lawley · 1969 · Coventry, England

What it is

The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is a peer-run mutual-aid and self-help organisation for families after the death of a child of any age, from any cause. It serves parents, siblings and grandparents. It is not a therapy and clinicians do not run it. This guide is written for a psychotherapist who…

Format

• TCF has no treatment phases or session count. The framework below is (a) the member's pathway as TCF describes it and (b) a clinician's pathway around it. Stage labels in (a) come from Klass & Shinners. Treat the transition criteria as guidance, not as TCF rules, unless a rule is cited.
• First contact. Through the UK helpline (0345 123 2304), the USA national office (877.969.0010), a chapter or group locator, a newly bereaved information pack, or word of mouth from friends, clergy or health professionals. Check numbers and hours before giving them to a client.

Questions to explore with your client

• What drew you to it, and what are you hoping it will change?
• Does it involve any substance, plant preparation, remedy or supplement? Has your doctor or prescriber been told, especially about any medication you take?
• Is it a group, retreat or community? How do they respond if someone wants to leave or raises a concern?
• How do you and the practitioner understand what is happening, in spiritual or cultural terms? Is that a source of comfort, worry, or both?
• Does it use a device, heat, cold, water or a physical procedure? Has a medical professional checked that it is safe for you?
• Who runs it, and what training or registration do they hold?
• What actually happens in a session or meeting, and how often?
• What does it cost, and is there pressure to commit to more?
• How do you feel afterwards, in the hours and days that follow?
• Does it fit with, or clash with, the work we do here?

What practitioners of it watch for

• See B6.
• As for A6.
• Relief at not having to explain or defend the circumstances of the death.
• Make sure the client also has a crisis plan; do not rely on the helpline for one.
• Outdated details. Burnell & Burnell's 1986 postal address, for example, is obsolete.

When to involve someone else

• New or worsening physical symptoms, or advice to stop or change prescribed medication: involve the client's doctor or prescriber.
• Signs of coercion, isolation from family and friends, escalating costs or secrecy: discuss openly and consider safeguarding.
• A crisis or thoughts of suicide: follow your crisis protocol. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, Samaritans on 116 123.

Drawn automatically from the guide's own sections. Stay curious: neither endorse nor dismiss what the client values, and check anything that matters against the full guide and its sources. Not medical advice.