Bar and bat mitzvah

Domain XV · Nature, philosophy, social & rites of passage · Judith Kaplan, Mordecai Kaplan · 1922 · New York

What it is

Bar and bat mitzvah is a Jewish coming-of-age rite of a living tradition, not a psychotherapy. The terms mean "son" and "daughter of the commandment" (bar is Aramaic, bat Hebrew); "b'nai mitzvah" is the plural, and many communities now use non-gendered terms for the person (b'nai mitzvah as a…

Format

• Session count and format: no source gives a session count; work is usually woven into ongoing individual, family or adolescent therapy.

Questions to explore with your client

• What drew you to it, and what are you hoping it will change?
• Is there physical contact? Was it explained beforehand, and do you feel free to say no or stop at any point?
• Does it involve any substance, plant preparation, remedy or supplement? Has your doctor or prescriber been told, especially about any medication you take?
• Is it a group, retreat or community? How do they respond if someone wants to leave or raises a concern?
• How do you and the practitioner understand what is happening, in spiritual or cultural terms? Is that a source of comfort, worry, or both?
• Who runs it, and what training or registration do they hold?
• What actually happens in a session or meeting, and how often?
• What does it cost, and is there pressure to commit to more?
• How do you feel afterwards, in the hours and days that follow?
• Does it fit with, or clash with, the work we do here?

What practitioners of it watch for

• Expecting the rite to undo an old wound completely. It is working when the client experiences it as their own choice.
• Confidentiality being compromised by being seen; gifts. It is working when the client feels respected whatever is decided.
• The therapist shaping religious content; over-disclosure in a public speech. It is working when the young person owns what they will say.
• Debt, a parent's own status needs, the young person's shame. It is working when the plan is affordable and the young person's priorities are visible in it.
• Parents expecting reports; tutoring arrangements that are unsupervised one-to-one. It is working when the young person can speak freely and knows the limits.

When to involve someone else

• New or worsening physical symptoms, or advice to stop or change prescribed medication: involve the client's doctor or prescriber.
• Signs of coercion, isolation from family and friends, escalating costs or secrecy: discuss openly and consider safeguarding.
• A crisis or thoughts of suicide: follow your crisis protocol. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, Samaritans on 116 123.

Drawn automatically from the guide's own sections. Stay curious: neither endorse nor dismiss what the client values, and check anything that matters against the full guide and its sources. Not medical advice.