Eldership rites

Domain XV · Nature, philosophy, social & rites of passage · Zalman Schachter-Shalomi · New Mexico

What it is

Eldership rites are not a psychotherapy. They are a family of later-life rites of passage that mark a move into recognised elderhood: women's croning and men's saging ceremonies, community eldering rites, congregational elder ceremonies, and the workshop-and-circle practice of Sage-ing. The term…

Format

• Format: individual, couple or family sessions; the client may in parallel attend a group (Sage-ing workshops and wisdom circles are group formats). Most ritual work is done by the client between sessions as homework, with session time used to review and adjust it.
• What the psychotherapist does: assesses what elderhood means to the client and their community; prepares and debriefs a client taking part in a rite held by others; co-designs a client-authored ritual where no rite exists; works with grief, shame and family conflict around a missed, refused or…

Who practises it, and how they are trained or regulated

• There is no manualised protocol and no published session count for eldership work in therapy. The figures that sources give are: a Sage-ing residential workshop of five days, which also serves as the prerequisite for Certified Sage-ing Leader training; a community elder group that studied together over several years before a congregational consecration; and, for a therapist-guided leave-taking ritual in mourning…
• Eldership rites are not a psychotherapy. They are a family of later-life rites of passage that mark a move into recognised elderhood: women's croning and men's saging ceremonies, community eldering rites, congregational elder ceremonies, and the workshop-and-circle practice of Sage-ing. The term "Spiritual Eldering" was coined by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi after a 40-day retreat at the Lama Foundation in New…

Evidence status, as the guide reports it

• Evidence status: no controlled outcome evaluation of eldership rites is cited in this guide.

Questions to explore with your client

• What drew you to it, and what are you hoping it will change?
• Does it involve any substance, plant preparation, remedy or supplement? Has your doctor or prescriber been told, especially about any medication you take?
• Is it a group, retreat or community? How do they respond if someone wants to leave or raises a concern?
• How do you and the practitioner understand what is happening, in spiritual or cultural terms? Is that a source of comfort, worry, or both?
• Who runs it, and what training or registration do they hold?
• What actually happens in a session or meeting, and how often?
• What does it cost, and is there pressure to commit to more?
• How do you feel afterwards, in the hours and days that follow?
• Does it fit with, or clash with, the work we do here?

What practitioners of it watch for

• dismissing real losses as "just a myth"; your own ageist assumptions. Working: more flexible, less self-dismissing talk about age.
• shame, anger at a faith, spiritual distress needing a spiritually informed colleague. Working: less shame and a chosen route to recognition.
• feeling unchanged; a rite that went badly or was disrupted; conflict that surfaced. Working: the client refers to themselves in the new role.
• borrowing closed rites; a client being steered by one family member; costs or travel the client cannot meet. Working: a short list the client owns.
• idealisation that sets an impossible standard; grief for the exemplar. Working: a concrete, personal description of the elder the client aims to be.

When to involve someone else

• New or worsening physical symptoms, or advice to stop or change prescribed medication: involve the client's doctor or prescriber.
• Signs of coercion, isolation from family and friends, escalating costs or secrecy: discuss openly and consider safeguarding.
• A crisis or thoughts of suicide: follow your crisis protocol. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, Samaritans on 116 123.

Drawn automatically from the guide's own sections. Stay curious: neither endorse nor dismiss what the client values, and check anything that matters against the full guide and its sources. Not medical advice.