Adlerian play therapy

1. Introduction

Version followed: Kottman & Meany-Walen, Partners in Play: An Adlerian Approach to Play Therapy, 3rd ed. (ACA, 2016), with phase lengths and session format from the CEBC listing of the revised AdPT treatment manual (Kottman, Meany-Walen, Parson & Dillman Taylor, 2021, unpublished) and sandtray applications from Kottman (2023). Book chapter contents were checked against the 3rd-edition front matter; specific wording inside chapters is marked [uncertain] where it rests on recollection.

Adlerian play therapy (AdPT) applies Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology to play therapy with children aged about 3–10 [source: CEBC]. It assumes children are social, goal-directed and creative, and that they build a lifestyle: private convictions about self, others and the world, formed mainly in the family, that guide how they try to belong and to feel significant [source: SAGE Encyclopedia entry; CEBC]. Misbehaviour comes from discouragement, meaning a real or perceived threat to belonging [source: FAU Brigman slides]. Change happens when the therapist (a) builds an egalitarian, encouraging relationship, (b) works out the child's lifestyle, (c) helps the child see their mistaken beliefs and self-defeating patterns, mostly through play and metaphor, and (d) teaches and rehearses more useful ways of thinking, feeling and acting. Parents and teachers go through a parallel four-phase consultation [source: Kottman & Meany-Walen 2016 preface; LEAPT course pages]. The therapist is active and becomes more directive as treatment moves through the phases [source: LEAPT Beginning AdPT objectives].

2. Framework

Format. Individual or group AdPT, chosen at intake. Either one 50-minute session a week or two 30-minute sessions a week, over 8–16 weeks. Parent and/or teacher consultation runs throughout, and its form depends on the setting (clinic or school) [source: CEBC]. The original model is not strictly time-limited; the 8–16-week figure comes from the research manual [uncertain: how far it applies to routine private practice].

Phase I – Building an egalitarian relationship (about 1–4 sessions) [source: CEBC].

Goals: trust, mutual respect, and shared power. The child experiences the therapist as a partner ("partners in play").
Main tools: tracking, restating content, reflecting feelings, metacommunication, returning responsibility, questions, active interaction and role-play, encouragement, limit setting, and cleaning the room together [source: 2016 preface/ToC; LEAPT].
Move on when the child comes in willingly, accepts the therapist's participation and limits, and starts sharing play and information. The relationship continues through every later phase [source: SAGE] [synthesis: the readiness indicators].

Phase II – Exploring the child's lifestyle (about 4–6 sessions) [source: CEBC].

Goals: collect information on culture, family atmosphere, family constellation, the Crucial Cs, personality priorities, goals of misbehaviour, purposes of behaviour, assets, lifestyle convictions, mistaken beliefs and private logic [source: LEAPT Beginning AdPT objective 9].
Information comes from the child (play, questions, art, early recollections), parents and teachers.
Output: a written lifestyle conceptualization and treatment plan for the child, and for the parents and teacher when needed [source: 2016 Ch. 8; Appendix G].
Move on when you can state tentative convictions in the form "I am… / Others are… / The world is… / Therefore I must…" [source: FAU slides] and have a plan targeting specific Crucial Cs and mistaken beliefs.

Phase III – Helping the child gain insight (about 4–6 sessions) [source: CEBC].

Goal: the child becomes aware of their patterns, goals and mistaken beliefs, and how these play out inside and outside the playroom.
Main tools: metacommunication (here-and-now, across sessions, lifestyle, bridging), tentative hypotheses, metaphors and storytelling, mutual storytelling, art, sandtray, movement, adventure activities, immediacy, confrontation and humour [source: 2016 preface; LEAPT].
Move on when the child recognizes (verbally or within the metaphor) the patterns you name and begins to consider alternatives [synthesis].

Phase IV – Reorientation and re-education (about 4–6 sessions) [source: CEBC].

Goal: teach and practise new perceptions and skills (social, negotiation, power-sharing, problem solving, anger and anxiety management, assertiveness), then generalize them and end therapy [source: 2016 preface; Kottman 2023].
Main tools: brainstorming, problem solving, direct teaching, the playroom used as a laboratory, adding a second child, and termination.
Directiveness is highest in this phase. The LEAPT fidelity benchmark is lower here (50%) than for Phases I–III (70%) at the beginner level, which suggests it is the hardest phase to deliver [source: LEAPT].

Phases are not rigid. The relationship is maintained throughout. If new lifestyle information appears in later phases, it is folded back into the conceptualization [source: SAGE; Kottman 2023 "guideline" note] [synthesis: the cycling].

Fidelity and record tools (2016 appendices):

Adlerian Play Therapy Skills Checklist. The revised manual treats more than 90% adherence as faithful delivery [source: CEBC].
Parent and Teacher Consultation Skills Checklists.
Session Summary and Progress Form.
Lifestyle questions for parents, teachers and the child.
Questioning strategies for kinetic drawings.
Informal Crucial Cs assessment.

3. Guiding principles

[source: Kottman & Meany-Walen 2016 preface and ToC; FAU Brigman encouragement slides (drawing on Dinkmeyer, Dinkmeyer & Sperry 1987 and Sweeney 1989); Kottman 2023; LEAPT; CEBC]

Egalitarian partnership. Share power: let the child choose, take turns making rules, and play together rather than only observing.
Holism and social embeddedness. Read each behaviour in the context of family, school and culture. Do not treat the child as an isolated symptom.
Purposiveness. Ask what the behaviour achieves (attention, power, revenge, proving inadequacy) as well as what causes it.
Subjectivity and private logic. The child's interpretation matters more than objective events, so look for the belief behind the action.
Creativity. Children build their lifestyle and can rebuild it. Expect and invite change.
Social interest and belonging. The goal is a sense of belonging and useful contribution, not just compliance. Track progress through how the child connects with and contributes to others.
Encouragement over praise. Notice effort, improvement and assets. Focus on the deed, not the doer. Avoid "but" in an encouraging statement [source: FAU].
Courage to be imperfect. Model making, admitting and fixing mistakes in the playroom [source: FAU].
The Crucial Cs (Lew & Bettner): Connect, Capable, Count, Courage. Use them to assess and to prescribe: build on strong Cs and target weak ones [source: LEAPT Crucial Cs course].
Personality priorities (Kefir): Comfort, Pleasing, Control, Superiority. Adjust how you encourage, limit and consult to match the priority of the child, parent or teacher [source: Kottman 2023; 2016 Ch. 4 and 6].
Increasing directiveness across phases. Follow the child's lead in Phase I and lead more in Phases III–IV.
Tentativeness. Offer interpretations as guesses ("I wonder…", "Could it be…") and invite correction [source: Kottman 2023].
Respect the metaphor. Many children change inside the story without ever making the connection to their lives explicit. Match the level of directness the child prefers [source: Kottman 2023].
Treat adults as partners. Consult with parents and teachers as part of the treatment, using a parallel four-phase structure [source: LEAPT parent consultation course].
Cultural humility. Explore culture as a part of lifestyle. Do not assume your own norms [source: LEAPT].
Know your own lifestyle. Notice how your personality priority and Crucial Cs affect your reactions to particular children and parents [source: LEAPT Advanced objectives].
Active and authentic. Bring your real self into the room. Kottman developed AdPT when nondirective work did not fit her own style [source: 2016 preface].

4. Intervention inventory

Interventions are grouped by the phase where they are introduced. Most continue in later phases. All example language is illustrative wording, not Kottman's text. Chapter references are to the 2016 ToC and preface. Step detail not confirmed in a source is marked [uncertain] or [synthesis].

Phase I – Relationship

4.1 First contact and explaining play therapy

Purpose: Start the relationship on equal terms and reduce the child's anxiety [source: SAGE; 2016 Ch. 5].
Steps:
1. Meet the child with the parent present.
2. Introduce yourself by first name.
3. Explain the playroom simply.
4. Invite the child in when they are ready, without forcing [source: SAGE].
5. Give parents an age-appropriate explanation of play therapy to pass on [synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): “I'm Sam. I have a room with lots of toys. Kids can do most things they want in there, and if there's something you can't do, I'll tell you. Come in when you're ready, and Mum can come to the door if you'd like.”
Watch for: Clinging, refusing to separate, or over-compliance. These are early lifestyle data, not failures.

4.2 Tracking

Purpose: Show attention and acceptance by describing what the child is doing [source: 2016 Ch. 5; Kottman 2011 Ch. 5].
Steps:
1. Describe the action in short, neutral phrases.
2. Do not name toys the child hasn't named; use “that” or “it”.
3. Avoid judgement.
4. Watch how the child reacts and adjust how often you track [source: Kottman 2011 ToC “Monitoring Children's Reactions”].
Example language (illustrative): “You're putting that one right on top.” “He's going way over there.”
Watch for: Irritation (“Stop saying what I'm doing!”). If it happens, track less and metacommunicate about the reaction (see 4.5).

4.3 Restating content

Purpose: Show you have heard what the child said, and choose which content to highlight [source: Kottman 2011 Ch. 6].
Steps:
1. Paraphrase the child's words briefly, especially statements about themselves, family, school or ability.
2. Choose restatements that highlight assets and Crucial-C themes [synthesis, consistent with the Ch. 6 heading “Influencing children by using restatement”].
Example language (illustrative): “So your brother got to pick the movie again.”
Watch for: The child elaborating, which suggests the restatement landed, or correcting you, which gives you useful information.

4.4 Reflecting feelings

Purpose: Name surface and deeper feelings, build the child's emotional vocabulary, and convey understanding [source: Kottman 2011 Ch. 7; FAU].
Steps:
1. Reflect the obvious feeling first.
2. Later, offer a tentative guess at the underlying feeling.
3. Reflect feelings expressed through toy characters within the metaphor.
4. Expand the child's feeling words over time.
Example language (illustrative): “You're really mad it fell.” “The little bear looks scared the big ones will leave him out.”
Watch for: Denial or shutting down. Move back into the metaphor rather than pushing direct reflection.

4.5 Metacommunication (Phase I use)

Purpose: Comment on what lies beneath the communication: nonverbal reactions, patterns, and the child's reactions to you [source: 2016 Ch. 5; Kottman 2023, which calls it an umbrella skill].
Steps:
1. Notice a nonverbal response or a small pattern.
2. Comment on it tentatively.
3. Pause and let the child confirm, correct or ignore it.
Example language (illustrative): “You looked at me to see if that was okay.” “When I said it was time to clean up, your face got really serious.”
Watch for: Too many process comments too early can feel intrusive. Keep them light in Phase I.

4.6 Returning responsibility to the child

Purpose: Build the Capable C and a sense of competence by not doing for the child what they can do or decide for themselves [source: 2016 Ch. 5; Kottman 2011 Ch. 9].
Steps:
1. When the child asks you to decide or do something they could manage, hand the choice or task back.
2. Offer help only where the task is beyond them.
3. Kottman 2011 also covers when not to return responsibility. Likely cases are tasks that are truly beyond the child, and children who need connection more than independence at that moment [uncertain: specific criteria].
Example language (illustrative): “In here, you can decide what colour it is.” “You can figure out how that lid opens; I'll be right here.”
Watch for: Children whose priority is Pleasing, or who lack Courage, may find this stressful. Give smaller steps and add encouragement.

4.7 Questioning strategies

Purpose: Collect lifestyle information conversationally from Phase I onward [source: 2016 Ch. 5; Appendix D].
Steps:
1. Ask a few questions per session, woven into play rather than asked in a row.
2. Ask questions through puppets or characters if direct questions shut the child down.
3. Note the answers for conceptualization [source: Appendix D exists; question wording not reproduced].
Example language (illustrative): (holding a puppet) “Hey, Mr Owl wants to know: who's the boss at your house?”
Watch for: Feeling like an interrogation. Use fewer questions and more tracking.

4.8 Active interaction and role-play (including the “whisper technique”)

Purpose: Join the child's play as a partner while letting the child direct the scene [source: 2016 Ch. 5 “active interaction, including role-playing”].
Steps:
1. When invited to play a role, ask in a stage whisper what your character should say or do.
2. Then play it as directed.
3. Over time, notice which roles the child gives you (powerless, bossy, victim) as lifestyle data. [uncertain: the name “whisper technique” and these steps are from recollection of Kottman's writing.]
Example language (illustrative): (whispering) “What does the teacher say now?” (normal voice, in role) “Everyone line up!”
Watch for: The child giving you all the power or none. Use this when choosing power-sharing strategies.

4.9 Encouragement

Purpose: The core change agent. It builds the relationship, self-efficacy and the Crucial Cs, and reinforces new behaviour [source: 2016 Ch. 6].
Steps (premises from FAU, drawing on Dinkmeyer et al. and Sweeney):
1. Accept the child unconditionally.
2. Show faith in their abilities.
3. Recognize effort and improvement.
4. Focus on strengths and assets, including multiple intelligences.
5. Comment on the deed, not the doer.
6. Avoid “but”.
7. Show interest in the child's interests.
8. Model and reframe mistakes.
9. Let the child be the expert, for example by teaching you a game.
10. Tailor the encouragement to the child's weakest C and to their personality priority [source: 2016 Ch. 6].
Example language (illustrative): “You kept trying different ways until it stood up.” “You know a lot about dinosaurs; can you teach me?” “Oops, I knocked it over. I can fix that.”
Watch for: Praise that sounds like evaluation (“Good job”), which can feed Pleasing. If the child disowns encouragement, make it smaller and more specific.

4.10 Adlerian limit setting (four steps)

Purpose: Safety, self-control, generating alternatives, and responsibility for rules and consequences [source: FAU Kottman Ch. 6–7 slides; 2016 Ch. 6].
What to limit:
- Absolute limits: session length, damage to property, harm to the child, the therapist or others.
- Relative limits (your judgement): amount of water or sand, throwing certain objects, climbing.
- Set the limit when the behaviour is about to happen, not as a list of rules up front.
- Use a calm, matter-of-fact voice and a relaxed posture [source: FAU].
Steps [source: FAU]:
1. State the limit in a nonjudgemental way. Kottman frames it as a playroom rule [uncertain: exact phrasing recalled].
2. Reflect the feeling and/or metacommunicate the likely purpose of the behaviour.
3. Engage the child in generating alternatives and redirecting. Use concrete wording and negotiate.
4. If the behaviour continues, set up a logical consequence with the child. It must be related, realistic, reasonable (usually lasting the rest of that session, with a fresh chance next time), respectful (the child chooses) and delivered in a friendly way. Then follow through.
Tailoring: Adjust limiting to the child's Crucial Cs, goal of misbehaviour and personality priority [source: 2016 Ch. 6]. For example, give a Control child more say in choosing the alternative, and use a warmer tone with a Pleasing child [synthesis].
Example language (illustrative):
- Step 1: “It's against the playroom rules to throw blocks at me.”
- Step 2: “You're frustrated I won the game. Maybe you want to show me you're in charge.”
- Step 3: “What could you throw instead that won't hurt anyone? … The soft ball at the wall? Okay.”
- Step 4: “If you choose to throw blocks at me again, what should happen? … We agreed the blocks go on the shelf for the rest of today. You can decide.”
Watch for: Power struggles, where you start to feel angry or challenged. That is a clue to the goal of power. Step back, offer choices and don't take it personally [source: FAU goals slides].

4.11 Cleaning the room together

Purpose: Practise cooperation and responsibility, and observe how the child handles tasks and shared work [source: LEAPT, which names “the rationale for cleaning the room with the child”; 2016 Ch. 5].
Steps:
1. Give a time warning before the end of the session.
2. Then clean up jointly.
3. Let the child divide the tasks: who picks up what.
4. Encourage effort.
5. If the child refuses, either set a consequence or treat the refusal as lifestyle data. LEAPT objectives cover when to use a consequence versus when to have the child help [uncertain: specific decision rules].
6. Adjust when a child is overly compliant or perfectionistic [synthesis].
Example language (illustrative): “In five minutes it'll be time to clean up.” “Which do you want to put away, the animals or the cars? I'll do the other.”
Watch for: Bossing you around (Control), rushing to please (Pleasing), giving up (low Courage). All of these feed Phase II.

4.12 Relationship sandtrays

Purpose: Build the relationship through sandtray [source: Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Offer a non-directed tray, or a semi-directed one (for example, favourite or “gross” figures for younger children).
2. Or use a therapist-introduction tray, a “my world” tray, or a co-created “things we have in common” tray.
3. Afterwards, invite changes as an opportunity, not a critique.
Example language:
- “Pick whatever you want to put in the tray.” [verbatim, Kottman 2023]
- “Is there anything that you would like to add, take out, or move around?” [verbatim, Kottman 2023]
Watch for: Choices of figures and how the child uses the shared space, as early lifestyle cues.

Phase II – Lifestyle exploration

4.13 Lifestyle questions (child, parents, teachers)

Purpose: Collect systematic information on family constellation and atmosphere, school, peers, fears, wishes, assets, and how adults respond to the child [source: 2016 Appendices B–D; Ch. 4 and 7].
Steps:
1. With parents and teachers, use the appendix question sets in consultation meetings.
2. With the child, spread questions across sessions, asked during play or through puppets, drawing or sandtray.
3. Compare the adults' and the child's accounts. Where they disagree, that difference is itself information about private logic. [Question wording is not reproduced here; use the appendices.]
Example language (illustrative): “If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?” To a parent: “When she does that, what do you feel, and what do you do?”
Watch for: Parents' feelings in response to the misbehaviour. These are the key clue to the goal of misbehaviour (see 4.20).

4.14 Kinetic drawings with Adlerian questioning

Purpose: Explore how the child sees family and school roles, alliances and belonging [source: 2016 Appendix E, “Adlerian Questioning Strategies for Kinetic Drawings”].
Steps:
1. Ask the child to draw everyone in the family (or class) doing something.
2. Ask about the figures (what each is doing, thinking or feeling), about who is close to whom, and about what happens next.
3. Note the child's placement, size, omissions and activities [standard kinetic drawing procedure; Appendix E questions are uncertain].
Example language (illustrative): “Draw your family doing something.” “What is this person thinking? Who would she ask for help?”
Watch for: Figures left out, the child placed apart from others, and themes of power or helplessness. Use these as hypotheses, not diagnostic signs.

4.15 Early recollections

Purpose: Reveal current convictions about self, others and life. Adlerians read early memories as reflecting today's lifestyle, not as historical fact [source: 2016 Ch. 7].
Steps:
1. With children old enough to recall specific incidents (usually school age) [uncertain: age guideline], ask for a specific early memory.
2. Have the child tell, draw, sand or act it out.
3. Ask what part they remember most clearly and how they felt at that moment.
4. Collect several memories and look for themes: role, activity versus passivity, how others respond, mood.
Example language (illustrative): “Think back to when you were really little. Tell me one time you remember, something that happened once.” “What's the clearest part? How did you feel right then?”
Watch for: Reports of things that usually happen rather than a single incident. Gently ask for one specific time.

4.16 Family constellation and birth order

Purpose: Understand each child's psychological position in the family and the role they took to find significance [source: 2016 Ch. 7; Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Map the siblings: ages, gaps, gender, and who is “the smart one” or “the funny one”.
2. Ask how the child is similar to and different from each sibling.
3. Use sandtray: “the good and hard parts of being the youngest” [adapted from Kottman 2023].
Example language (illustrative): “Which kid in your family is most like you? Most different?”
Watch for: Psychological position, not just ordinal position. A child with a large age gap may function as an only child.

4.17 Family atmosphere

Purpose: Assess the family's emotional climate, values, rules, conflict style, expression of love and hierarchy [source: Kottman 2023; 2016 Ch. 7].
Steps:
1. Ask questions about rules, how conflict is handled and how love is shown.
2. Watch dollhouse or family-figure play.
3. Offer directed trays on these themes.
4. In consultation, ask parents the same questions.
Example language (illustrative): “Make a tray of what happens at your house when people disagree.”
Watch for: Patterns repeated in the playroom, such as the child expecting you to be punitive or permissive.

4.18 Informal assessment of the Crucial Cs

Purpose: Find out which of the four Cs (Connect, Capable, Count, Courage) the child has, and which they lack [source: 2016 Appendix F; LEAPT Crucial Cs course].
Steps:
1. Use the Appendix F informal assessment together with observation.
2. Connect: look at friendships and attachment to adults.
3. Capable: look at self-reliance and self-control.
4. Count: look at whether the child believes they matter and contribute.
5. Courage: look at willingness to try and to risk mistakes.
6. Use directed trays: things I'm good at (Capable), how I handle worry (Courage), friendships (Connect), how I make a difference (Count) [Kottman 2023].
7. Rate each C as strong or weak and target the weak ones in your treatment plan. Lew & Bettner link a missing C to a goal of misbehaviour (Connect–attention, Capable–power, Count–revenge, Courage–inadequacy) [uncertain: from recollection of Lew & Bettner].
Example language (illustrative): “Show me in the tray some things you're really good at.”
Watch for: A strong C used in useless ways. For example, a highly Capable child may use that capability to control others.

4.19 Personality priorities

Purpose: Identify which priority (Comfort, Pleasing, Control, Superiority) the child, parent and teacher use to cope, so you can predict stress responses and tailor your approach [source: Kottman 2023, citing Kefir 1981; 2016 Ch. 4 and 6].
Steps:
1. Observe what the person avoids and what they seek.
  - Comfort: avoids stress and pain.
  - Pleasing: avoids rejection.
  - Control: avoids unpredictability and humiliation.
  - Superiority: avoids meaninglessness or inadequacy and strives to prove worth. [general Adlerian description; uncertain as to Kottman's exact wording]
2. Use directed trays: what stresses you out; how you feel when things don't go the way they're “supposed” to; how you avoid rejection; what you do to prove you're good enough [Kottman 2023].
3. Note your own reaction to the person (for example, irritation at a Comfort parent).
4. Identify both the assets and the liabilities of each priority.
Example language (illustrative): “Make a tray of what it's like when a plan changes at the last minute.”
Watch for: The same priority showing up in parent and child, or a clash between them, such as a Control parent with a Control child. Use this in consultation.

4.20 Identifying goals of misbehaviour

Purpose: Find out what purpose the problem behaviour serves: attention, power, revenge or proving inadequacy (Dreikurs). LEAPT also teaches conscious goals of getting, self-elevation and avoiding [source: FAU goals slides; CEBC; LEAPT goals course].
Steps:
1. Use three clues: the child's behaviour and feelings, the adult's feelings, and the child's response to correction [FAU].
2. Adult feelings map to goals:
  - Annoyed or irritated → attention.
  - Angry, challenged or threatened → power.
  - Hurt → revenge.
  - Hopeless or helpless → inadequacy [FAU].
3. Check your own feelings in the playroom, not just the parents' reports.
Example language (illustrative), to yourself: “I'm feeling challenged, so this may be power.” To the parent: “When he refuses, do you feel more annoyed, angry, hurt or hopeless?”
Watch for: Mixed goals, or goals that differ between home and school. In the revenge goal, confirm that the child is not currently being abused [source: FAU].

4.21 Lifestyle exploration sandtrays

Purpose: Explore lifestyle elements through sandtray when verbal questions don't work [source: Kottman 2023].
Steps: Offer directed trays on:
- culture (beliefs, traditions, heritage, experiences of mistreatment);
- goals of misbehaviour (what gets you in trouble, what happens next, how adults react);
- assets and mistaken beliefs (good qualities, how others see you, what you say to yourself when discouraged).
Example language (illustrative): “Make a tray of what happens when you get in trouble at school, and what the grown-ups do.”
Watch for: Self-statements in the discouragement tray. These are often the private logic in the child's own words.

4.22 Lifestyle conceptualization and treatment plan

Purpose: Combine information from the child, parents and teacher into hypotheses and goals for each phase [source: 2016 Ch. 8; Appendix G].
Steps:
1. Summarize: Crucial Cs, personality priority, goals of misbehaviour, assets, family constellation and atmosphere, culture.
2. Write convictions as “I am… / Others are… / The world is… / Life is… / Therefore I must act as if…” [FAU].
3. Name the mistaken beliefs to target.
4. Choose Phase III insight targets and Phase IV skills.
5. Write parallel plans for parents and teachers.
Watch for: Treat this as a working hypothesis to revise, not a fixed formulation.

Phase III – Insight

4.23 Metacommunication with tentative hypotheses (four types)

Purpose: Bring patterns, goals and convictions into awareness. The Johari Window explains the rationale: metacommunication moves material from the “blind” area (known to others, not to the child) into the “open” area [source: LEAPT Beginning objectives 13–17; 2016 Ch. 9].
Steps:
1. Choose one pattern from the conceptualization.
2. Offer it tentatively, at the right level:
  - Here-and-now: a pattern within this session.
  - Across sessions: a pattern repeated over several sessions.
  - Lifestyle: a belief or goal behind the pattern.
  - Bridging: a link between the playroom and home or school.
3. Pause. Accept correction, and watch for a “recognition reflex” such as a grin or a sudden look [uncertain: Adlerian term, not confirmed in the AdPT sources].
4. Use Kottman's “I notice that…” procedure with sandtrays: point to elements without touching them, describe what you notice, and pause. If the child doesn't respond, offer another observation or a guess [Kottman 2023].
Example language (illustrative):
- Here-and-now: “You made up a new rule just when it looked like I might win.”
- Across sessions: “Every week the little dragon ends up alone.”
- Lifestyle: “I'm guessing you think you only count when you're in charge.”
- Bridging: “I wonder if that happens at recess too.”
Watch for: Defensiveness. If it appears, drop back a level to here-and-now or move into the metaphor.

4.24 “Spitting in the soup”

Purpose: Make a self-defeating behaviour less appealing by gently pointing out its hidden payoff or mistaken belief. The idea comes from Adler's metaphor: the child can keep “eating the soup”, but it no longer tastes the same [source: Kottman 2023; 2016 Ch. 9 “confrontation”].
Steps:
1. Do this only once the relationship is solid and you have a confident hypothesis.
2. Name, lightly and often with humour, how the child acts as if the mistaken belief were true, and what it costs them.
3. Leave the choice with the child.
Example language (illustrative): “It seems like being the boss is so important that you'd rather play alone than let someone else choose. That's a pretty lonely way to be in charge.”
Watch for: The child noticing the pattern later (“I'm doing the boss thing again”). That is the sign it worked. Shaming means you misjudged tone or timing.

4.25 Therapeutic metaphors and storytelling

Purpose: Present new perspectives indirectly through a story that parallels the child's situation [source: 2016 Ch. 9; Kottman 2011 Ch. 12–13; Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Identify the problem, the mistaken belief and the desired new perspective.
2. Choose a protagonist from the child's interests (an animal, a superhero) who shares the child's struggle.
3. Include resources and helpers.
4. Show the protagonist trying, struggling, and then finding a more useful approach.
5. Tell the story with toys or in the sand.
6. Do not explain the moral. Let the child decide whether to connect it to their life [synthesis on step order, consistent with sources].
7. Optionally set up an obstacle course or a tray that mirrors the child's situation, with a figure standing for the child [Kottman 2023].
Example language (illustrative): “Once there was a little fox who thought the only way to get the pack to notice her was to howl louder than everyone…”
Watch for: The child correcting or extending the story, which shows engagement, or bringing the protagonist back in later play.

4.26 Mutual storytelling

Purpose: Use the child's own story as the vehicle for a more adaptive ending. This is Gardner's technique adapted for AdPT [source: 2016 Ch. 9; Kottman 2011 Ch. 13] [uncertain: Kottman's specific adaptation steps].
Steps:
1. Invite the child to tell a story with a beginning, middle and end, using toys.
2. Ask about characters and the moral or lesson.
3. Analyse it privately: which character is the child, what is the problem, and how is it resolved?
4. Retell the story with the same characters and setting, but with a more useful solution that reflects your treatment goals, such as courage, cooperation or contribution.
Example language (illustrative): “Let's make up a story together. You start, and then I'll tell one using the same characters.”
Watch for: The child adopting your solution in later stories or play.

4.27 Art and drawing for insight

Purpose: Make patterns visible through art [source: 2016 Ch. 9].
Steps:
1. Give a directed art task linked to the target pattern, for example “you when you're bossy” and “you when you're a friend”.
2. Compare the two.
3. Metacommunicate about the differences. [specific prompts are illustrative; uncertain]
Watch for: Spontaneous comparisons by the child.

4.28 Sandtray for insight (therapist-created and co-created trays)

Purpose: Reflect the child's view of self, how they seek significance in negative ways, or what blocks resolution [source: Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Build or co-build a tray showing your hypothesis.
2. Present it as an invitation for correction, not a pronouncement.
3. Invite the child to add, remove or move figures.
Example language (illustrative): “I made a tray of how I think it might feel to be you at school. What would you change to make it right?”
Watch for: Which figures the child moves. That shows where your hypothesis fits and where it doesn't.

4.29 Dance and movement experiments

Purpose: Explore patterns physically, especially with active or less verbal children [source: 2016 preface on Ch. 9] [uncertain: specific exercises].
Steps: Invite the child to move “like the angry part” and “like the calm part”, or to lead or follow you. Comment on the differences [synthesis].
Watch for: Shifts in posture or energy that can be named in later metacommunication.

4.30 Adventure therapy techniques

Purpose: Use cooperative or challenge activities to bring out patterns around trust, risk and power [source: 2016 preface on Ch. 9] [uncertain: specific activities].
Steps: Set up a simple challenge, such as a trust walk or building a tower together under a rule. Afterwards, process it: “What did you notice about how you handled it?” [synthesis].
Watch for: Giving up, taking over, or seeking help. Link what you see to the Crucial Cs.

4.31 Immediacy, confrontation and humour

Purpose: Point out discrepancies and here-and-now relational patterns. Humour softens the message [source: 2016 preface on Ch. 9; Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Notice a discrepancy between what the child says and does.
2. Name it directly but warmly.
3. Use humour that laughs with the child, never at them.
Example language (illustrative): “You said you don't care who wins, and you've changed the rules three times. Hmm.” (smiling)
Watch for: Laughter together, which suggests the message landed. If the child retreats, repair (see Section 5).

Phase IV – Reorientation and re-education

4.32 Brainstorming and problem solving

Purpose: Generate alternative behaviours and perceptions [source: 2016 preface on Ch. 10].
Steps:
1. Define a concrete problem.
2. Generate many options without judging them.
3. Evaluate the consequences of each option.
4. Choose one to try.
5. Review it next session. Use puppet “consultants” with children who resist doing this directly [Kottman 2023].
Example language (illustrative): “Let's ask the wise owl puppet: what are five things a kid could do when someone takes his turn?”
Watch for: The child generating options independently over time.

4.33 Direct teaching of skills

Purpose: Fill skill gaps: social skills, negotiation, power-sharing, anger management, anxiety management, time management, assertiveness and friendship [source: 2016 Ch. 10; Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Explain the skill briefly.
2. Model it, with toys or in a tray.
3. Have the child practise.
4. Give encouraging feedback.
5. Practise again in a harder scenario that you set up.
Example language (illustrative): “Watch the giraffe ask to join the game. … Now you make the lion try it.”
Watch for: Rote compliance without generalization. Check with parents and teachers.

4.34 Playroom as laboratory and role-play rehearsal

Purpose: Practise new behaviour with you in real time [source: 2016 Ch. 10].
Steps:
1. Recreate a home or school situation.
2. Let the child try the new response.
3. Switch roles so the child experiences the other side.
4. Agree on one real-world experiment to try.
5. Report back next session.
Example language (illustrative): “Let's pretend I'm your sister grabbing the remote. Try your new way.”
Watch for: Reports of trying it outside, which shows generalization.

4.35 Introducing a second child

Purpose: Practise social skills with a peer or sibling while you facilitate [source: 2016 preface on Ch. 10].
Steps:
1. Choose a partner who will not overwhelm the client.
2. Prepare both children.
3. Facilitate the session using limits, metacommunication and encouragement [synthesis].
Watch for: The client falling back on old patterns. These give you here-and-now material.

4.36 Termination

Purpose: Consolidate gains, attribute the change to the child, and plan for maintenance [source: 2016 Ch. 10; Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Decide together with the parents, based on progress-form data and reports.
2. Count down the remaining sessions with the child.
3. Use a termination tray: summarize the therapy journey, the tools learned, plans for applying them, and the assets the child now “owns”.
4. Encourage the child's role in the change.
Example language (illustrative): “We have three more times together. Let's make a tray of all the things you can do now that you couldn't when you started.”
Watch for: Regression around the ending. Normalize it, and do not extend by reflex.

Parent and teacher consultation (parallel throughout)

4.37 Four-phase parent consultation

Purpose: Engage parents as partners and change the family patterns that maintain the problem [source: LEAPT parent consultation course; 2016 Ch. 4].
Steps:
1. Build the relationship: encourage the parents and acknowledge their concerns.
2. Explore the parents' lifestyle (personality priority, Crucial Cs, family of origin) and how they see the child, using Appendix B questions.
3. Help the parents gain insight into their own and the child's patterns, including how their reactions feed the child's goal.
4. Re-educate: teach encouragement, behaviour management (logical consequences, choices) and communication skills. Assign practice.
5. Use creative ways to involve parents who cannot attend regularly [LEAPT].
Example language (illustrative): “When he argues, you feel challenged. That's a clue he's working for power. Let's try giving him two choices you can live with.”
Watch for: Parent defensiveness. Spend longer on the relationship and use encouragement with the parent.

4.38 Personality-priority-tailored consultation

Purpose: Adjust your delivery to the adult's priority [source: 2016 Ch. 4; LEAPT primer].
Steps [synthesis on specifics]:
1. Control: give structure, choices and a rationale.
2. Pleasing: reassure the parent that setting limits won't cost the relationship.
3. Superiority: acknowledge their competence and use expert framing.
4. Comfort: make steps small and easy.
Watch for: Your own priority clashing with theirs.

4.39 Teacher consultation

Purpose: Same four phases, adapted to the classroom [source: 2016 Ch. 4; Appendices C and J].
Steps:
1. Use Appendix C questions.
2. Observe in class if possible.
3. Share encouragement and Crucial-C strategies, such as giving the child a useful classroom job to build Count.
4. Keep contacts brief and practical [synthesis].
Watch for: The teacher's stress level. The 2014 RCT found reduced teacher–child relationship stress [source: UNI ScholarWorks abstract].

4.40 Parent sandtrays

Purpose: Explore and compare how the parent and child see the child [source: Kottman 2023].
Steps:
1. Have the parent build a “My Child's World” tray.
2. Compare it with the child's tray, with consent and sensitivity.
3. Discuss the differences.
Watch for: Insight in the parent about how the child sees things, not blame.

5. Handling problems

Where a source is named, the guidance comes from it. Everything tagged [synthesis] is my own clinical guidance, built on AdPT logic; the sources do not address it directly.

Power struggles and defiance (therapist feels angry, challenged or threatened).
- Treat your feeling as data that the child's goal is power.
- Don't take the challenge personally.
- Share power: offer choices, and take turns making the rules.
- With children who have too little power, give control first, then move to shared power.
- With children who have too much power, share power from the start and use choices and consequences [source: FAU goals slides].
- Use the four limit-setting steps with the child choosing the consequence [source: FAU].
Hurtful or vengeful behaviour (therapist feels hurt).
- Stay patient and consistent, and don't retaliate or withdraw.
- Check whether abuse is currently occurring [source: FAU].
- Rebuild the Count C through useful contributions [synthesis].
Child who “can't” or won't try (inadequacy; therapist feels hopeless).
- Avoid all criticism.
- Hunt for assets, and involve parents and teachers in the hunt.
- Use high-success activities such as games of chance, finger painting or sand.
- Limit the number of toys available [source: FAU].
- Return responsibility in very small steps [synthesis].
Attention-seeking that takes over sessions (therapist feels annoyed).
- Don't reinforce demands.
- Give attention when the child isn't seeking it.
- Name the goal in Phase III [source: FAU].
Stuck in Phase II or III (the child plays but nothing shifts).
- Check that the conceptualization is concrete: which C, which conviction.
- Move from direct metacommunication into metaphor, or from metaphor into bridging.
- Add parent consultation focused on what maintains the pattern.
- Re-rate fidelity with the Skills Checklist, since low Phase III/IV directiveness is a common drift [synthesis; LEAPT benchmarks].
Resistance to insight (denial, “That's dumb”).
- Return to the metaphor.
- Lower the level of metacommunication.
- Respect the child's chosen distance; change inside the story is acceptable [source: Kottman 2023].
Rupture (after spitting in the soup or confrontation the child withdraws, or after a limit the child is angry).
- Name it: “I think what I said stung.”
- Own your part, which models the courage to be imperfect [source: FAU principle].
- Return to Phase I skills for a session or two [synthesis].
Overwhelm or dysregulation in play.
- Slow down and shift to tracking and reflection.
- Contain the play: smaller tray, fewer toys.
- Use a relative limit to reduce intensity.
- Do grounding through a structured activity.
- Postpone insight work [synthesis].
Non-adherence (parents don't practise skills, or skip consultation).
- Treat this as a Phase I issue with the parent: rebuild the relationship and encourage the parent.
- Match homework to the parent's personality priority (see 4.38).
- Use creative ways to involve parents who can't attend, such as brief calls, notes or videos of the child's tray [source: LEAPT, which names the need; specific methods are synthesis].
Parent's priority clashes with yours or the child's.
- Examine your own lifestyle reactions, which is a LEAPT Advanced objective.
- Seek consultation [synthesis].
Refusal to clean up.
- Choose between a logical consequence and treating the refusal as data, based on the goal (for example, avoid a battle with a power-goal child early in Phase I).
- Divide the tasks and give choices [source: LEAPT names the decision; the criteria are synthesis].
Child refuses to enter the playroom or separate.
- Let the parent come in temporarily and fade them out.
- Begin with relationship sandtrays in the waiting area if your setting allows [synthesis].
Group format problems (dominant child, scapegoating).
- Use here-and-now metacommunication about group roles.
- Use structured turn-taking.
- Re-form the group if needed [source: Meany-Walen et al. 2015 used group AdPT; the specific responses are synthesis].
Cultural mismatch (for example, family values on obedience or emotional expression).
- Explore culture as part of lifestyle with cultural humility.
- Frame the Crucial Cs and encouragement in the family's own terms [source: LEAPT; synthesis on framing].

Safeguarding (applies throughout).

Abuse disclosure or suggestive play. Play themes alone are not proof of abuse. Follow your jurisdiction's mandated-reporting law and agency protocol, and document the child's own words and play verbatim. Do not use leading questions, and do not interpret play as forensic evidence [synthesis; professional standards].
Revenge goal. Actively check whether the child is currently being harmed [source: FAU].
Suicidal or self-harm content. The FAU slide lists suicide as the active form of displaying inadequacy. Any suicidal or self-harm statement or play theme calls for a standard structured risk assessment and safety planning with the caregivers, in line with your service protocol. It overrides playroom confidentiality and phase sequencing [synthesis].
Aggression and physical safety. Absolute limits cover harm to the child, the therapist and others [source: FAU]. Do not use physical restraint except under your agency's policy. End the session if safety cannot be maintained [synthesis].
Confidentiality. Tell parents and the child at the outset what you will share: general themes and progress, not the details of the play. Explain the limits of confidentiality around harm [synthesis].
Custody and conflict cases. Clarify consent and who receives consultation. AdPT parent work assumes a caregiver who can participate, so adapt when you can't get one [synthesis].
Competence. The model calls for supervised training (35 hours plus supervision, with fidelity benchmarks) [source: CEBC; LEAPT]. Do not attempt Phase III confrontation without supervision until your relationship and limit-setting skills are solid [synthesis].

Sources

Sources:

Books and papers cited (not drawn on in full):

Kottman, T., & Meany-Walen, K. (2016). Partners in Play: An Adlerian Approach to Play Therapy (3rd ed.). American Counseling Association.
Kottman, T. (2011). Play Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). American Counseling Association.
Kottman, T., Meany-Walen, K., Parson, J., & Dillman Taylor, D. (2021). Treatment Manual for Adlerian Play Therapy – Revised (unpublished; cited via CEBC).
Lew, A., & Bettner, B. L. (1996). A Parent's Guide to Understanding and Motivating Children. Connexions Press.
Kefir, N. (1981). Impasse/priority therapy. In R. Corsini (Ed.), Handbook of Innovative Psychotherapies. Wiley.
Dreikurs, R., & Soltz, V. (1964). Children: The Challenge. Hawthorn.
Dinkmeyer, D., Dinkmeyer, D., Jr., & Sperry, L. (1987). Adlerian Counseling and Psychotherapy (2nd ed.). Merrill.
Sweeney, T. J. (1989; 6th ed. 2019). Adlerian Counseling and Psychotherapy. Routledge.
Meany-Walen, K. K., Bratton, S. C., & Kottman, T. (2014). Effects of Adlerian play therapy on reducing students' disruptive behaviors. Journal of Counseling & Development, 92(1), 47–56.

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