Nurturing Parenting

1. Introduction

Version followed: Stephen J. Bavolek's Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers (Family Development Resources, Inc., FDR), as set out in its Family Nurturing Journals (copyright 2015). The 27-session group-based sequence is the backbone of this guide. The 16-session group, 7-session home and 55-lesson home versions of the same curriculum are noted where they differ. Philosophy comes from the FDR facilitator training workbook (18th edition, 2016) and the FDR logic model. The sibling programmes (school-age, adolescent, teen-parent, prenatal, Nurturing Skills for Families, special-needs) use the same constructs; where this guide draws on them, it says so.

What it is. Nurturing Parenting is not a single therapy. It is a family of structured, sequenced, competency-based psycho-educational parenting curricula. They are built to prevent and treat child abuse and neglect at three levels: primary (education), secondary (intervention) and tertiary (treatment). Parents and children are both participants. In groups they work in parallel groups that then come together; at home they work with a home visitor. Facilitators need not be therapists: no minimum education is set. [source: CEBC programme profile; FDR logic model; facilitator workbook 18th ed.]

How change happens. Parenting is treated as a learned set of processes. Nurturing patterns produce positive outcomes, and abusive or neglectful patterns are passed down the generations. Change is described as re-parenting: long-term, sequenced, family-based education that replaces old patterns with nurturing ones. It works through cognitive and affective learning, in which repeated experience reshapes neural pathways and emotional memories. Parents move through four steps: becoming aware of patterns from their own childhood, understanding them, accepting them, and consciously replacing them. [source: FDR logic model] Empathy is the core mechanism: "Developing a sense of empathy is the cornerstone of the Nurturing Parenting Programs." Change is framed as "an evolutionary process, not a revolutionary one". [source: facilitator workbook 18th ed.] The targets are five high-risk parenting attitudes measured by the Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory (AAPI-2): inappropriate expectations, low empathy, belief in corporal punishment, parent-child role reversal, and oppressing children's power and independence. [source: CEBC; workbook]

2. Framework

Programme levels and dosage [source: facilitator workbook 18th ed.; CEBC]

• Primary prevention (education): about 5–12 sessions. Examples: Prenatal (9 group or 18 home sessions), community stand-alone lessons.
• Secondary prevention (intervention): about 12–20 sessions, set by assessed need. Examples: Nurturing Skills for Families, Nurturing Fathers (13 sessions).
• Tertiary prevention (treatment, for child-welfare or mental-health referrals): about 15–25+ sessions. Example: the 16-session birth-to-5 group plus home visits.
• Comprehensive (26–55 sessions): long-term agency settings such as Head Start, for example 27 centre-based sessions or 55 home visits.
• CEBC's dosage rule for the birth-to-5 group format: court-ordered parents receive all 27 sessions, covering all 55 lessons. Parents who are recommended but not court-ordered receive 16 sessions, with lessons chosen from assessment data. Parents seeking skill enhancement receive 5–9 core-lesson sessions.
• [uncertain] Session counts differ between FDR documents. The logic model gives 24 group sessions and 48 home sessions for this programme. The journals give 16 or 27 group sessions and 7 or 55 home sessions. The original 1984–85 Head Start version had 45 sessions. Use the journal edition you have purchased.

Session formats [source: CEBC; validation report for the birth-to-5 programme; Nurturing Skills clearinghouse page]

• Group: weekly, 2.5 hours, including a roughly 20-minute family fun break (Family Nurturing Time, with a shared snack). Two co-facilitators run a parent group of 12–15 parents. Three or more facilitators run a concurrent children's group, split into infants (birth–1), toddlers (1–2) and preschoolers (3–5). You need one room for the adults and a separate room for 12–30 children.
• Home: weekly, 90 minutes, one home visitor with 1–2 parents. In the original design, the first 45 minutes involved the whole family with the parent as primary teacher. The second 45 minutes were adult-focused (parenting or personal issues), while infants and toddlers stayed with the parent. Grandparents and extended family may join.
• Combined: one 90-minute home session plus one 2.5-hour group session each week (minimum 16 group and 7 home sessions).
• Nurturing Skills for Families (the assessment-tailored version): 60–90-minute weekly sessions. Lessons are chosen from 18 core competencies through the Family Nurturing Plan.

Phases. The phases below are my grouping of the published sequence. [synthesis on structure; content source: Family Nurturing Journals 16- and 27-session group versions, 7- and 55-session home versions]

1. Engagement and pretest (session 1). Hopes and fears, programme description, commitment to the format, pretest assessments (AAPI-2, Nurturing Skills Competency Scale), and review of the parenting profile for strengths and areas to improve.
2. Family Nurturing Plan (home session 2, or assessment-led lesson selection). Review the profile with the facilitator and plan which needs identified on the NSCS will be addressed, and how.
3. Foundations (27-session group, sessions 2–10). The seven nurturing concepts, brain development, nurturing as a lifestyle, bonding and attachment, ages and stages, empathy, needs (SPICES), feelings, spoiling, praise, self-worth and personal power.
4. Discipline and daily care (sessions 11–19). Discipline and spanking, morals, values and rules, rewards and punishments, massage and touch, time-out and Body Map, child-proofing and redirection, routines (diapering, dressing, feeding, bath, bedtime) and safety.
5. Body, safety, stress and family life (sessions 20–26). Bodies, sex and saying no; stress and behaviour management; anger and alternatives to spanking; possessive and violent relationships and power struggles; alcohol, drugs and smoking; criticism versus confrontation and problem solving; ignoring and toilet training.
6. Posttest and closure (session 27, or home sessions 6–7). Posttest, review of profiles against the original plan and the Family Nurturing Plan competencies, plans for continued support, hopes and fears revisited, and certificates.

Criteria for moving on [source: Family Nurturing Journals; CEBC]

• Lessons are competency-based. Parents are expected to learn and demonstrate each competency. Each session page asks parents to rate themselves on each competency from 0 ("Not at All") to 3 ("Really Well") and explain the rating.
• Lessons build on each other. Parents are told to ask the facilitator for more time rather than fall behind.
• Progress is also tracked through the weekly home-practice log, a weekly "changes I've seen" entry, and the pre/post AAPI and NSCS.
• [uncertain] The sources give no numeric pass threshold. A practical rule is to repeat or extend a lesson when the parent rates a competency 0–1 or cannot show it in role-play or at home. [synthesis]

Delivering it under its name [source: CEBC; Nurturing Skills clearinghouse page; FDR training brochure 2019]

• Required materials are purchased from FDR: lesson guides or the facilitator's instructional manual, Parent Handbook, Family Nurturing Journals, DVDs and children's-programme materials.
• Training is a 3-day Nurturing Program facilitator training (about 7 hours a day, on-site, regional or virtual). Day 1 covers philosophy and constructs, day 2 empathy, day 3 implementation and practice sessions.
• CEBC lists completing that training, knowing child development from birth to 5, and regular agency supervision as staff requirements. The federal Title IV-E clearinghouse describes the training only as encouraged.
• [uncertain] No formal individual certification or licence was found. No formal fidelity measure is published; the built-in process tools are the journals, the Family Nurturing Plan and the pre/post AAPI and NSCS. Confirm current requirements with FDR before advertising the programme.

3. Guiding principles

[source: facilitator workbook 18th ed.; FDR logic model; FDR training brochure 2019; CEBC; Family Nurturing Journals. Practical meanings are my wording.]

• Nurturing is a learned lifestyle. Treat parenting as patterns that can be learned, not as a fixed trait. Name nurturing and abusive patterns without shaming the parent.
• Empathy is the cornerstone. Each lesson should help the parent read and respond to the child's feelings and needs. Model empathy toward the parent in how you run the group.
• Five constructs and their positive counterparts. Treat the AAPI profile as your map:
  • inappropriate expectations become age-appropriate expectations;
  • low empathy becomes empathy and caring;
  • belief in physical punishment becomes dignified discipline without hitting;
  • role reversal becomes appropriate family roles and self-awareness;
  • oppressed power becomes personal power and independence.
• Six values. Self-worth; caring and compassion; dignified discipline; self-awareness and appropriate family roles; healthy empowerment; humour, laughter and fun. Check each session plan against these, and keep fun in every session.
• Seven concepts and practices. Attachment, empathy, nurturing oneself, gentle touch, discipline, expressing feelings, expectations and self-worth. This is the training-brochure list; the journals' "seven concepts" lesson is assumed to match it. [uncertain] These are the self-rating domains, so revisit them at the midpoint and at the end.
• Re-parenting. The parent's own childhood is part of the work. Make room for the parent's history of being parented, touched and disciplined before teaching new skills.
• Change is evolutionary. Expect gradual change and relapses. Praise small shifts, and do not demand a total overhaul.
• Cognitive and affective learning. Pair information with experience: feeling exercises, touch history, role-play and home practice. Knowledge alone is not the goal.
• Family-based. Parents and children both learn, in parallel groups and in shared time. Involve the whole household and co-caregivers, including grandparents.
• Competency-based and sequenced. Do not skip ahead. Check that each skill has been shown before building on it.
• Assessment-driven dosage. Match the content and number of sessions to assessed need (AAPI and NSCS) and to the referral level.
• Nurture yourself. Parents must meet their own needs to parent well. Self-nurturing assignments are not optional extras.
• Parenting is a role, not a whole identity. Help parents hold a defined parenting role. An identity built on the child's compliance raises risk to the child.
• Cooperation over obedience. Aim for children who cooperate and have personal power, not children who simply obey.
• Discipline is teaching. Discipline grows out of family morals, values and rules and out of modelling. Hitting is ruled out.
• All behaviour expresses needs (SPICES). Look for the social, physical, intellectual, creative, emotional or spiritual need behind a behaviour, the parent's or the child's.
• Development and brain. Frame expectations and responses through brain development and age and stage. Responding to infant crying is a nurturing act, not "spoiling".
• Connection before correction. This emphasis comes from FDR's recent web material on alternatives to time-out. It is not in the journals opened. [source: FDR blog]

4. Intervention inventory

How to read this section. The lesson titles, competencies and home-practice tasks come from the FDR Family Nurturing Journals: 27-session group (FNJ-27), 16-session group and 7-session home (FNJ-16), and 55-lesson home (FNJ-55). Chapter titles come from the Parent Handbook table of contents (PHB). Concepts come from the facilitator workbook (WB). The full in-session scripts sit in the purchased Group Facilitator's Instructional Manual or Lesson Guides, which are not drawn on. In-session steps therefore combine the published competencies and homework with my own facilitation detail, marked [synthesis]. All example language is illustrative. Group session numbers follow FNJ-27.

Usual group-session flow. Parents and children meet in separate rooms. They join for Family Nurturing Time (snack plus a shared activity, about 20 minutes). Parents rate the session competencies (0–3) and receive home practice. Videos (20 adult audio-visual lessons on DVD), activities, discussion and Parent Handbook chapters carry the content. [source: CEBC; Nurturing Skills clearinghouse page; FNJ-16] The order within a session (review home practice, then new lesson, then practice, then assignment) is [synthesis].

4.1 Intake assessment: AAPI-2 and Nurturing Skills Competency Scale

• Purpose: Profile risk and strengths, set dosage, and supply pre/post data. Use at intake and exit. [source: CEBC; FNJ-16]
• Steps:
  1. Give the AAPI-2 (or the current AAPI edition FDR supplies). It profiles the five constructs: expectations, empathy, corporal punishment, role reversal, and power and independence. Items are not reproduced here; use the licensed forms and scoring.
  2. Give the NSCS. This criterion-referenced tool covers life conditions, childhood history, partner relationship, relationship with the children, nurturing knowledge, and skill use.
  3. In home programmes, add the Home Safety Checklist and home observation. [source: FDR logic model]
  4. Turn scores into a parenting profile and share it with the parent in session 1, framed as strengths plus areas to grow.
• Example language (illustrative): "This isn't a pass or fail. It shows us where you're already strong and which lessons will help most."
• Watch for: Parents who "fake good" because of a court order. Literacy limits: FDR sells an Easy Reader handbook; read items aloud only if the manual allows it [uncertain]. Shame when the profile is reviewed.
• Working if: The parent can name one strength and one growth area from the profile.

4.2 Family Nurturing Plan

• Purpose: Turn assessment results into a written plan for which lessons to deliver and how needs will be met. It also serves as a process-evaluation record. [source: FNJ-16 home session 2; CEBC; clearinghouse page]
• Steps:
  1. Review the profile with the parent.
  2. Pick the NSCS and AAPI needs to address.
  3. Choose lessons from the curriculum. In Nurturing Skills for Families this means choosing from 18 core competencies.
  4. Agree dosage and format (home, group or combined).
  5. Revisit the plan at posttest (home session 7).
• Example language (illustrative): "Your scores show real strength in caring, and some stress around discipline. Let's put the discipline lessons early."
• Watch for: Plans written for the parent rather than with them.
• Working if: The parent can say why each chosen lesson matters to their family.

4.3 Hopes and Fears (opening and closing ritual)

• Purpose: Engagement, and a before-and-after comparison. [source: FNJ-16 sessions 1 and 16]
• Steps:
  1. In session 1, each parent states hopes and fears about the programme.
  2. Record them on a flip chart.
  3. In the final session, return to the list and review what was met. [synthesis on recording method]
• Example language (illustrative): "What are you hoping to get from these weeks, and what worries you about being here?"
• Watch for: Fears about child protection. Answer reporting questions honestly at this point.
• Working if: Fears are spoken openly and are lower at closing.

4.4 Nurturing Parenting concepts, Rating My Nurturing Skills, and parenting philosophy

• Purpose: Introduce the seven concepts and practices, have parents self-assess on each, and help them define a personal parenting philosophy. [source: FNJ-27 session 2; WB; training brochure]
• Steps:
  1. Present the seven areas.
  2. Parents complete the Rating My Nurturing Skills survey.
  3. Each parent drafts a parenting philosophy.
  4. Home practice: hold a family meeting on what "nurturing" means; review the survey with a partner, list strengths and three ways to improve; do one thing to nurture yourself.
• Example language (illustrative): "In one sentence, what kind of parent do you want your child to remember?"
• Watch for: Global self-criticism. Ask for strengths first.
• Working if: The parent can state a philosophy and three concrete improvement aims.

4.5 Nurturing as a Lifestyle: Perpetrator, Nurturer, Victim, Nurtured

• Purpose: Re-parenting through awareness. Parents identify four traits they carry from how they were parented. [source: FNJ-27 session 3; FNJ-16 session 1]
• Steps:
  1. Introduce the four traits.
  2. Each parent draws their Perpetrator and their Nurturer, notes when each appears, and looks for patterns.
  3. They do the same for Victim and Nurtured, then compare the traits.
  4. Optionally, invite other family members to draw theirs.
  5. Debrief: identify nurturing practices, strengths and growth areas.
• Example language (illustrative): "When does your 'Perpetrator' side show up: what time of day, and with which child? When does your 'Nurturer' show up?"
• Watch for: Trauma activation when parents recall their own victimisation. Allow pacing and offer individual follow-up. [synthesis]
• Working if: The parent can name triggers for the Perpetrator side and situations that bring out the Nurturer.

4.6 Children's brain development

• Purpose: Ground expectations and discipline in how early treatment shapes the brain and its "critical windows". [source: FNJ-27 session 2; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the brain areas at a lay level (brainstem through cortex).
  2. Explain stress-system "accelerator and brakes" (sympathetic and parasympathetic).
  3. Explain how violence and stress affect development.
  4. Home practice: list five brain-stimulating activities suited to the child's age.
• Example language (illustrative): "Every time you soothe her, you're helping wire the part of her brain that calms her down later."
• Watch for: Parents hearing "damage is permanent". Stress repair and plasticity. [synthesis]
• Working if: The parent links a daily activity to the child's development.

4.7 Bonding, attachment and attunement

• Purpose: Define bonding, attachment, attunement and empathy, and build attachment behaviours. [source: FNJ-27 sessions 3–4; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the definitions, plus secure, anxious and avoidant styles at a lay level. [WB]
  2. Parents list the ways they already build attachment and add new ones.
  3. Parents show attachment behaviours and attunement to the child's needs, for example during Family Nurturing Time or a home visit.
  4. Home practice continues daily play, reading or massage.
• Example language (illustrative): "Watch his face when you stop talking. What is he telling you?"
• Watch for: Parents who label infant crying as manipulation. The workbook advises against leaving babies to cry alone.
• Working if: The parent notices and responds to the child's cues during observation.

4.8 Ages and stages, expectations, and Skills Strips

• Purpose: Correct inappropriate expectations (construct A). [source: FNJ-27 sessions 4–6; PHB chapters 5–10]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the four developmental areas (physical, intellectual, language, social-emotional) and the milestones for infants, toddlers, preschoolers and school-age children.
  2. Home practice: write one short-term and one long-term expectation for each child; record one observed behaviour in each of the four areas.
  3. Skills Strips exercise: sort developmental tasks from birth to 6 by age.
  4. Discuss early and late maturation, and the fact that no child is average in all areas.
• Example language (illustrative): "Is it that she won't sit still, or that two-year-olds can't yet? Let's check the strip."
• Watch for: Expectations of chores or caretaking beyond the child's stage. These overlap with role reversal (construct D).
• Working if: The parent revises at least one expectation to fit the child's age.

4.9 The Male and Female Brain

• Purpose: In the programme's framing, describe brain and behaviour differences while warning that comparing boys and girls is an inappropriate expectation. [source: FNJ-27 session 6; PHB chapter 11]
• Steps:
  1. Present the handbook material.
  2. Home practice: note differences between the parent's son and daughter.
• Watch for: [synthesis] Science on sex differences is contested. Keep the emphasis on the programme's own point, not comparing children, and avoid gender stereotyping. This is a reason to adapt the lesson, and it should be noted in fidelity records.

4.10 Developing empathy in children

• Purpose: Build construct B. [source: FNJ-27 session 7; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Explain empathy's role in parenting.
  2. Practise helping children recognise feelings.
  3. Home practice: list three ways the children show caring and three ways the parent does; list three ways to encourage empathy.
• Example language (illustrative): "Look, your friend is crying. How do you think he feels? What could we do?"
• Watch for: Parents who were rarely shown empathy may find this abstract. Model it with them first. [synthesis]
• Working if: The parent names feelings aloud for the child daily.

4.11 Meeting needs (SPICES) and nurturing yourself

• Purpose: All behaviour is a way of meeting needs. Parents plan to meet their own needs and their children's. [source: FNJ-27 session 7; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the six needs: Social, Physical, Intellectual, Creative, Emotional, Spiritual.
  2. Each parent writes a plan to meet their own needs regularly.
  3. Home practice: discuss needs with the children; use "need" language for the parent's own wants; help children see the needs behind other people's behaviour; do a self-nurturing activity.
• Example language (illustrative): "Which of your six needs got nothing this week? What's one small thing for it?"
• Watch for: Parents getting their emotional needs met through the child, which is role reversal.
• Working if: A self-care action is logged weekly.

4.12 Recognising and handling feelings, and helping children with theirs

• Purpose: Help parents tell comfortable from uncomfortable feelings, see the cost of suppressing them, and coach children. [source: FNJ-27 session 8; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach that anxiety, hurt, anger, guilt and depression are discomfort feelings, each linked to unexpressed pain. [WB]
  2. Practise describing a feeling together with the event that caused it.
  3. Each parent makes a plan for sharing "big hurts" and lists three positive ways to let off steam.
  4. For children: honour their desires, channel energy into positive outlets, and model healthy expression.
• Example language (illustrative): "I felt hurt when the plan was cancelled." (illustrative feeling-plus-event statement)
• Watch for: Parents who flood when discussing old pain. See section 5.
• Working if: The parent uses feeling-plus-event statements at home.

4.13 Spoiling your children

• Purpose: Separate empathy and responsiveness from spoiling. [source: FNJ-27 session 9; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the workbook's view: spoiling is excessive, demanding behaviour that comes from inconsistent limits and doing too much for the child, not from responding to needs.
  2. Home practice: list three parenting myths the parent now knows are false, and how those myths affected them.
• Example language (illustrative): "Picking up a crying baby meets a need. Buying a toy every time she whines teaches something else."
• Working if: The parent responds to infant distress without fear of spoiling.

4.14 Praise for being and praise for doing

• Purpose: Build self-worth through unconditional praise (for being) and praise for effort and accomplishment (for doing). [source: FNJ-27 session 9; FNJ-16 session 6; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the distinction.
  2. Role-play each type.
  3. Home practice: praise each child twice a day for being and twice for doing; praise yourself daily; count the compliments you receive and track self-praise for a week.
  4. Optional special recognition, for example a "red plate" at dinner. [WB]
• Example language (illustrative): Being: "I love being your mum." Doing: "You kept trying with that zip. You did it!"
• Watch for: Praise followed by "but". Sarcasm. Praise only for achievement.
• Working if: The log shows four praises per child per day, and the parent can accept compliments.

4.15 Improving self-worth: Self-Labels and Changing Labels

• Purpose: Replace negative labels the parent holds about themselves and the child. [source: FNJ-27 session 10; FNJ-16 session 6; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Self-Labels: write a negative label you hold about yourself and what you do to earn it. Choose a positive replacement and three behaviours that support it. Reward yourself when you act on it.
  2. Changing Labels: write a negative label you use for your child and the behaviour behind it. Name the desired behaviour, give it a positive name, and list three ways to help the child do it.
  3. Teach the workbook's ten ways to improve self-worth, for example setting children up to succeed, noticing and recording desired behaviour, and respecting children's feelings.
• Example language (illustrative): "Instead of 'lazy', what would you call him on the days he does help?"
• Watch for: Labels said in front of the child.
• Working if: The parent uses the new label aloud, and the child's targeted behaviour increases.

4.16 Developing personal power in children and adults

• Purpose: Construct E: replace oppressing children's power with healthy empowerment, and help parents find their own personal power. [source: FNJ-27 session 10; WB; special-needs handbook contents]
• Steps:
  1. Define personal power. Distinguish positive uses from negative ones (control, powerlessness, power struggles), and obedience from cooperation.
  2. Home practice: list five positive and five negative uses of your own personal power this week.
  3. Identify ways to build each child's personal power, for example choices and age-appropriate independence. [synthesis on examples]
• Example language (illustrative): "When did you use your power to get your way this week? When did you use it to help someone grow?"
• Watch for: Parents equating a powerful child with a disrespectful one.
• Working if: The parent offers more real choices and power struggles become less frequent.

4.17 Understanding discipline and "Red, White & Bruises: Why Parents Spank Their Children"

• Purpose: Construct C. Define discipline as teaching, help parents look at their own discipline history, and explain why hitting is poor practice. [source: FNJ-27 session 11; FNJ-16 session 7; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Define discipline. Each parent identifies their own discipline style and how they were disciplined as a child.
  2. Explore the reasons parents give for spanking, then present the case against hitting.
  3. Home practice: discuss what discipline means with your partner and list where you agree and disagree. List your current methods. Write a plan to discipline as a team so children don't get mixed messages. Talk about why you were spanked and how you felt then and now. If you spank, assess why, what you hope it achieves, and whether it works. List four alternatives.
• Example language (illustrative): "When you were hit as a kid, what did you learn? Was it what your parent meant to teach?"
• Watch for: Defensiveness, cultural or religious justifications, and disclosures of current abuse (see section 5).
• Working if: The parent writes a team discipline plan without hitting.

4.18 Family morals, values and rules

• Purpose: Build discipline on a family's own morals, values and posted rules. [source: FNJ-27 session 12; training brochure]
• Steps:
  1. Distinguish morals from values. Each parent identifies three family morals and three values.
  2. Home practice: hold a family meeting with snacks where each member shares morals. List five to seven family values and why they matter. Write "do" and "don't" rules and post them.
  3. Reflect on a childhood rule that was enforced on you but not on your siblings, and how that felt.
• Example language (illustrative): "Let's turn 'be respectful' into a rule a four-year-old can see: 'We use gentle hands.'"
• Watch for: Rule lists that are all "don'ts" or too many for the child's age. [synthesis]
• Working if: Rules are posted and enforced consistently by all caregivers.

4.19 Rewarding and punishing children's behaviour

• Purpose: Teach how consequences shape behaviour, the difference between rewards and punishments, and the five types of each. [source: FNJ-27 session 13; PHB chapter 23]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the five reward types. Four are named in the homework: praise, nurturing touch, privileges and objects. [uncertain: the fifth reward type and the five punishment types are in the Parent Handbook chapter]
  2. Home practice: discuss rewards and punishments as a family. Try each reward type and record the outcome. If appropriate, try one punishment technique and record why you chose it and what happened.
• Example language (illustrative): "You put your shoes away. You get to choose the bedtime story."
• Watch for: Punishments that are humiliating or physical. Any punishment the parent uses should be non-violent and logged. [synthesis]
• Working if: Rewards outnumber punishments in the log.

4.20 Gentle touch, touch history and infant and child massage

• Purpose: Build attachment and brain development through nurturing touch, and process the parent's own touch history. [source: FNJ-27 session 14; WB; PHB chapter 25]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the three types of touch: hurting, scary and nurturing (gentle).
  2. Parents identify the touch they received as children.
  3. Parents practise massage strokes on their own children, in session or on a home visit, using the programme's method. Stroke detail is in the Parent Handbook, which is not drawn on.
  4. Home practice: log examples of gentle, hurting and scary touch received and given. Practise gentle touch daily. Set a daily massage routine and note how it went.
• Example language (illustrative): "Ask first: 'Would you like your back rub now?' Then watch whether he relaxes or pulls away."
• Watch for: Parents with sexual-abuse histories may find touch work activating. Always teach the child's right to refuse touch (FNJ-27 session 15). The facilitator does not touch the child as part of the technique. [synthesis]
• Working if: The massage routine is logged and the child seeks it out.

4.21 Body Map

• Purpose: Reflect on lifetime touch history and how the three touch types affect the parent's life and their children's. [source: FNJ-27 session 15; WB; FNJ-55 lesson 46]
• Steps: Parents mark on a body outline where they experienced each type of touch, then discuss what they learned. [uncertain: the exact procedure is in the manual; this paraphrases the workbook description]
• Watch for: Trauma disclosure. Offer an individual debrief and referral. [synthesis]
• Working if: The parent links their touch history to how they touch their children now.

4.22 Time-out

• Purpose: A structured technique for serious misbehaviour. [source: FNJ-27 session 15; PHB chapter 26; validation report]
• Steps (published homework):
  1. Agree with your partner and other caregivers when and how time-out will be used.
  2. Explain it to the children in advance.
  3. Use it only if the child is 2½ or older and the misbehaviour is serious.
  4. Record the outcome.
• Further detail: Durations and the exact procedure are in the handbook chapter [uncertain]. Do not import other programmes' time-out rules and attribute them to Nurturing Parenting.
• Version note: FDR's recent web article on alternatives to time-out cautions that time-outs can isolate, shame and escalate. It favours a comfort corner with the adult nearby (see 4.44). Choose and record which stance you follow. [source: FDR blog]
• Example language (illustrative): "When you hit, you take a break on the step. I'll be right here. When the timer goes, we'll try again."
• Watch for: Time-out used as banishment or for minor issues, or used with infants and toddlers.
• Working if: Serious incidents decrease and the parent stays calm while using it.

4.23 Child-proofing your home

• Purpose: Safe exploration lowers the need for "no" and the risk of injury. [source: FNJ-27 session 16; PHB chapter 27; logic model]
• Steps:
  1. Teach why child-proofing matters.
  2. Home practice: use the Home Safety Checklists room by room and note anything still to be done.
  3. On home visits, review the checklist together.
• Working if: The checklist items are completed.

4.24 Verbal and physical redirection

• Purpose: Steer children from unsafe or unwanted behaviour without punishment. [source: FNJ-27 sessions 16 and 22; PHB chapter 28; FNJ-16 session 14]
• Steps:
  1. Define redirection.
  2. Distinguish verbal redirection (words that point the child to an alternative) from physical redirection (gently moving the child or the object). [synthesis on these definitions]
  3. Identify when each is suitable.
  4. Home practice: try each and describe a situation where you used it.
• Example language (illustrative): Verbal: "Crayons go on paper. Here's a big sheet." Physical: gently lift the toddler away from the stairs to the play mat.
• Watch for: Physical redirection becoming rough handling.
• Working if: The parent redirects before frustration builds.

4.25 Nurturing routines: diapering and dressing, feeding, bath time, bedtime

• Purpose: Turn daily care into attachment time. [source: FNJ-27 sessions 17–19; FNJ-16 session 11; WB; PHB chapters 29–36]
• Steps:
  1. Teach why nurturing routines matter and the conditions the workbook lists: gentle positive touch, praise, a pleasant tone of voice, cooperation rather than obedience, fun, and empathy.
  2. Each parent describes their current routines.
  3. Then, one routine at a time, establish it and describe how it went at home: diapering and dressing, feeding (plus making one family dinner better and serving nutritious snacks), bath time, bedtime.
  4. Keep earlier routines going as new ones are added.
• Example language (illustrative): "Bath time is play time. Sing your song, let her pour the water, and tell her what you're washing."
• Watch for: Routines run as battles, and bedtime power struggles.
• Working if: Each routine is described as calm and predictable.
• Limits: Do not set food or weight targets.

4.26 Our bodies and sex; personal space and saying "no"; developing sexual self-worth

• Purpose: Teach correct body-part names, respect for children's personal space, and children's right to refuse unwanted touch. Give factual sexual-health information (STDs and HIV) to the parents. [source: FNJ-27 session 20; PHB chapters 34–35]
• Steps:
  1. Each parent reflects, with a partner or friend, on their own childhood sex education, their anxieties, and the names they used for genitals then and now.
  2. Parents rate statements about their body, appearance, self, and comfort discussing sex, and explain each rating.
  3. Parents plan age-appropriate, factual conversations with their children.
  4. Parents practise saying "no" games with their children.
  5. Parents review the STD and HIV information.
• Example language (illustrative): "Your body belongs to you. If anyone touches you in a way you don't like, you can say no and tell me."
• Watch for: Parental discomfort or shame, cultural values about sex talk, and disclosures of abuse. Have reporting procedures ready.
• Working if: The family uses correct terms, and children are allowed to refuse hugs.

4.27 Keeping our children safe: family safety meeting

• Purpose: Protect children from physical, emotional and sexual harm. [source: FNJ-27 session 17; FNJ-16 session 12]
• Steps:
  1. Hold a family safety meeting.
  2. Discuss dangers in the car, at home, from strangers, at school, online and in video games.
  3. Create a family password that identifies safe adults.
  4. Discuss how children should react to strangers.
  5. Practise the family safety plan.
• Working if: Children can state the plan and the password.

4.28 Understanding and handling stress

• Purpose: Reduce parental stress, a key driver of harsh parenting, and help children cope. [source: FNJ-27 session 21; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach healthy stress reduction: physical, mental, social and general approaches.
  2. Home practice: list five personal stressors with plans to reduce or prevent them, and ways to cope with the ones you can't change. List five stressors in your children's lives and ways to help.
• Example language (illustrative): "Which of these five can you change, which can you prevent, and which do you just need to get through?"
• Working if: The parent uses at least one stress-reduction strategy daily.

4.29 Helping children manage their behaviour (behaviour encouragement)

• Purpose: Positive techniques to encourage desired behaviour. [source: FNJ-27 session 21; FNJ-16 session 13; PHB chapter 38]
• Steps: Introduce the behaviour encouragement techniques. Home practice: try one or two, then another, and note the results. Keep praising twice daily for being and doing. [uncertain: the list of techniques is in the handbook. The workbook names encouragement, modelling, problem solving and natural consequences as discipline methods.]
• Working if: Desired behaviours increase in the log.

4.30 Managing anger and helping children express anger

• Purpose: Teach healthy expression of anger for parents and children. [source: FNJ-27 session 22; FNJ-16 session 14; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach healthy anger expression, using physical release and cognitive expression strategies. [WB]
  2. Home practice: list three situations that trigger your anger, how you responded, three ways to avoid or change them, and three ways you'd prefer to express anger. Identify what stops you expressing it well.
  3. Write "When this happens, I will…" plans.
  4. List five ways you want your children to express anger.
• Example language (illustrative): "When the baby cries while I'm cooking and I feel my jaw tighten, I will turn the stove off, breathe, and then go to her."
• Watch for: Anger that links to alcohol use. The workbook frames alcohol as a disinhibitor.
• Working if: The parent uses the plans and reports fewer explosions.

4.31 "I'm Only Doing This For Your Own Good": alternatives to spanking

• Purpose: Give parents non-violent options to use instead of hitting. [source: FNJ-27 session 22; FNJ-16 session 14; FNJ-55 lesson 43]
• Steps:
  1. Each parent names a time they chose an alternative to spanking.
  2. Review the alternatives taught so far: verbal and physical redirection, time-out, ignoring, rewards, rules and praise.
  3. Discuss alternatives to spanking with the family.
  4. Practise redirection at home.
• Example language (illustrative): "Think back to the moment your hand went up. What could you have done in the two seconds before?"
• Working if: The parent reports that hitting has stopped and that they used alternatives instead.

4.32 Possessive and violent relationships

• Purpose: Help parents recognise domestic violence and possessive relationships, seek help, and protect their children. [source: FNJ-27 session 23; FNJ-16 session 12]
• Steps:
  1. Teach the characteristics of possessive and violent relationships.
  2. Review where to get help. A parent who is in a violent relationship is encouraged to seek professional help.
• Watch for: A perpetrator and a victim attending the same group. Disclosures in group. Safety planning needs (see section 5).

4.33 Power struggles; people, possessions and positive self-talk

• Purpose: Define a parent-child power struggle and avoid or resolve one. Use self-talk to build self-worth. [source: FNJ-27 session 23; FNJ-55 lesson 51; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Define power struggles and teach strategies to avoid or resolve them.
  2. Home practice: use those strategies when a power struggle starts, and keep practising problem solving.
  3. Teach positive self-talk as a self-esteem tool. [WB; the 27-session journal lists self-talk in the title but gives no assignment for it]
• Example language (illustrative): Self-talk: "I'm getting louder. I'm the adult. I can step back."

4.34 Families and alcohol; keeping kids drug-free; smoking and my child's health

• Purpose: Address substance use, a known risk factor for maltreatment. [source: FNJ-27 session 24; FNJ-16 session 15; WB]
• Steps:
  1. Teach why people misuse alcohol, and the workbook's framing of alcohol as a disinhibitor of suppressed hurt and learned violence.
  2. Parents complete the Families and Alcohol Use Questionnaire, with one section about themselves and one about their family. They discuss it with a partner or friend.
  3. Start drug-prevention strategies at home.
  4. Discuss the dangers of smoking and second-hand smoke. A parent who smokes lists steps to quit.
• Watch for: Substance use disorder that needs referral beyond the programme. FDR also publishes a 17-session programme for women in substance-abuse recovery. [source: WB]

4.35 Criticism, confrontation and rules for fair fighting

• Purpose: Replace criticism (attacking the person) with confrontation (addressing the behaviour). [source: FNJ-27 session 25; PHB chapter 44]
• Steps:
  1. Distinguish confrontation from criticism, with examples of each, and explain the harm of criticism and the benefit of confrontation.
  2. Each parent describes the arguing style they saw as a child and what they want to change.
  3. Practise confronting without criticising.
• Example language (illustrative): Criticism: "You're so selfish." Confrontation: "When you take his toy, he cries. Ask for a turn instead."
• Note: The handbook chapter also covers rules for fair fighting. [uncertain: the rules themselves]

4.36 Problem solving, decision making, negotiation and compromise

• Purpose: Give families a structured way to solve problems. [source: FNJ-27 session 25]
• Steps (problem-solving worksheet):
  1. Define the problem and decide whose problem it is.
  2. List what has already been tried.
  3. Write a goal statement.
  4. Brainstorm five possible solutions.
  5. Pick three favourites.
  6. Test one, then reassess.
• Negotiation worksheet: The same steps, aimed at a compromise between the people involved.
• Example language (illustrative): "Whose problem is this: yours, his, or both of yours?"
• Working if: The family solves a recurring conflict this way.

4.37 Ignoring

• Purpose: Planned ignoring of minor attention-seeking behaviour. [source: FNJ-27 session 26; PHB chapter 39; validation report]
• Steps:
  1. Teach ignoring as a strategy and when it is appropriate.
  2. Explain the ignoring plan to the children.
  3. Teach them acceptable ways to ask for things, excuse themselves and interrupt.
  4. Home practice: practise ignoring, track successes and failures, and log one attempt in detail.
  5. Keep avoiding power struggles.
• Watch for: Never ignore unsafe behaviour, distress or needs. [synthesis, consistent with the programme's emphasis on empathy] Expect a brief rise in the behaviour before it drops. [synthesis]
• Working if: The ignored behaviour drops, and the child uses the taught way to ask instead.

4.38 Toilet training

• Purpose: Readiness-based, non-punitive toilet training. [source: FNJ-27 session 26; PHB chapter 40]
• Steps: Teach the usual signs of readiness. If appropriate, practise the potty-training steps from the handbook at home. Avoid power struggles. [uncertain: the steps are in the handbook]
• Watch for: Punishment for accidents, which is a common trigger for physical abuse. [synthesis]

4.39 Daily home practice and the Family Nurturing Journal

• Purpose: Turn lessons into daily behaviour and track change. [source: FNJ-16; FNJ-27; FNJ-55]
• Steps:
  1. Each week, assign the Parent Handbook reading and the written exercises.
  2. Set the standing daily goal: 30–45 minutes of play, reading, or massage with the child, using the Nurturing Book for Babies and Children, and log how the child responded.
  3. Parents complete "Changes I've seen this week" (in self, children and family, positive or negative) at least weekly.
  4. Parents rate the session competencies from 0 to 3.
  5. Parents share successes and setbacks with the group leader.
• Watch for: Literacy barriers (use the Easy Reader handbook), parents with no time, and logs filled in just before the session. [synthesis]
• Working if: Logs are specific and children are described as responding.

4.40 Family Nurturing Time (family fun break, shared snack or meal)

• Purpose: Practise skills live, build family cohesion, and have fun. [source: CEBC; validation report; clearinghouse page; special-needs handbook contents]
• Steps:
  1. Partway through the group session (about 20 minutes in the birth-to-5 group), parents and children come together for a snack and a shared activity.
  2. In the original Head Start design, this was a shared breakfast or lunch.
  3. In the special-needs programme it is "Family Together Time": the last 30 minutes of a 2-hour session.
  4. Facilitators coach the skill of the week as it happens, for example praise or redirection. [synthesis]
• Working if: Parents use the newly taught skill unprompted.

4.41 The children's programme (parallel group)

• Purpose: Children learn the same constructs at their own level: empathy, feelings, self-worth, personal power, and non-violent problem solving. [source: CEBC; clearinghouse page; logic model; FNJ-16]
• Steps:
  1. Run age groups: infants, toddlers and preschoolers in the birth-to-5 programme; children aged 3–12 in Nurturing Skills.
  2. Use hands-on activities, games, circle time or "rap time", art and learning centres.
  3. Follow the separate Nurturing Program for Children lesson guide.
• Note: Session-by-session activities for children are not in the sources. [uncertain] Use the purchased children's lesson guide.

4.42 Home-visit structure

• Purpose: Deliver the programme in the family's own setting. [source: validation report; CEBC; FNJ-16 home sessions]
• Steps:
  1. Visits are weekly and last 90 minutes.
  2. In the first part, the whole family is together. The parent takes the primary teaching role, for example running the play, massage or routine, and the visitor supports.
  3. In the second part, the visitor works with the adult on the lesson or on personal issues. Infants and toddlers stay with the parent.
  4. In the 7-session home model, sessions 3–5 are "tutorial support": open sessions the facilitator directs according to the plan.
• Watch for: Home safety. FDR lists a Home Visit Safety Scale among its tools. [source: logic model]

4.43 Posttest, review, certificates and continued support

• Purpose: Measure change, celebrate, and plan aftercare. [source: FNJ-16 home sessions 6–7 and group session 16; FNJ-27 session 27]
• Steps:
  1. Give the AAPI and NSCS again.
  2. Review the post-programme profile against the original plan and the Family Nurturing Plan competencies.
  3. Revisit the hopes and fears from session 1.
  4. Plan continued support.
  5. Hold a certificate ceremony.
• Watch for: A certificate being read as proof of safety. Report what was demonstrated, not just attendance (see section 5).

4.44 Newer FDR alternatives to time-out (web guidance)

• Purpose: FDR's recent blog material reframes discipline as "connection before correction". [source: FDR blog, "Beyond Time-Outs"] It is not in the journals opened, so treat it as a later supplement.
• Techniques:
  • Comfort corner: a calm-down space with the adult nearby. Name the emotion, then problem-solve once the child is calm.
  • Emotion coaching: label the feeling and offer safe outlets, such as stomping, squeezing playdough or drawing.
  • Positive rehearsal: replay the conflict, practise the desired behaviour, and celebrate success.
  • Problem-solving circle: a family meeting where each member proposes solutions, the family votes, and the plan is posted.
  • Natural or logical outcomes: applied with empathy and no lecture.
  • Choices within limits: two acceptable options.
  • Contribution tasks: the child helps restore order.
• Example language (verbatim from FDR blog): "You may brush teeth before pajamas or after."

5. Handling problems

The sources give only a few direct instructions on problems. Parents who don't understand a lesson should ask for more time rather than fall behind. Parents should share setbacks with the group leader. A parent in a violent relationship should seek professional help. Dosage should match assessed need. [source: FNJ-16; FNJ-27; CEBC] Everything else below is my own synthesis, built on the programme's stated principles (empathy, re-parenting, evolutionary change, competency-based progression). It is marked [synthesis].

• Court-ordered or mandated parents who are hostile or just attending. [synthesis] In session 1, name the mandate and be open about what will be reported. Then use Hopes and Fears to find the parent's own goal, for example "get my kids back" or "stop yelling". Link every competency to that goal. Report demonstrated competencies, not only attendance.
• Stuck clients: competency ratings stay at 0–1. [source for extending time: FNJ-16; rest synthesis] Slow down and repeat the lesson with a different medium (video, role-play, live coaching at Family Nurturing Time). Shrink the home practice to one behaviour. Check for literacy, cognitive or language barriers; FDR sells Easy Reader handbooks and Spanish, Arabic, Chinese and Haitian Creole materials [source: CEBC]. Recheck the Family Nurturing Plan for lessons that came too early.
• Resistance to non-violent discipline ("I was spanked and I turned out fine"). [synthesis, using the "Red, White & Bruises" lesson] Don't argue. Ask what the parent learned from being hit and how they felt. Ask what they want their child to feel. Treat it as Perpetrator/Victim material, not defiance. Offer alternatives before asking them to give up hitting. Note that cultural and religious beliefs about corporal punishment are a reason FDR gives for its secondary-level programmes and its culturally adapted versions [source: logic model; WB].
• Overwhelm or trauma activation during touch history, the Body Map, the Perpetrator/Nurturer drawings or feelings lessons. [synthesis] Warn the group beforehand. Let parents pass or work privately. Teach a grounding step. Have the co-facilitator available to step out with a parent. Offer an individual debrief and refer to trauma-focused therapy if the parent's own abuse history overwhelms them. Don't turn the group into group therapy for one member.
• Non-adherence to home practice. [synthesis] Review home practice at the start of each session, without shaming. Find the barrier (time, crowded housing, literacy, chaos at home). Cut the task to the smallest version, for example 5 minutes of reading instead of 30–45. Praise any attempt; this applies praise-for-doing to the parent. On home visits, do the practice together.
• Ruptures with the facilitator or the group (a parent feels judged, conflict between members, a cultural clash). [synthesis] Repair openly and early. Name what happened, own your part, and restate the group norms: respect, confidentiality and its limits, no criticism, using confrontation instead (4.35). Model the empathy you are teaching. Use a short individual check-in for repair rather than a group discussion.
• Disclosure of current abuse, neglect or domestic violence. [synthesis] Follow your agency and mandated-reporting duties. Tell parents at intake that facilitators are mandated reporters. With domestic violence, do safety planning with the victim privately. Don't place a known perpetrator and victim in the same group without specialist assessment. Refer the perpetrator to a perpetrator programme.
• Parental depression, substance use or serious mental illness. [synthesis, building on lesson 4.34] Screen at intake alongside the NSCS life-conditions area. Refer for treatment at the same time; the programme is psycho-educational and does not replace treatment. Adjust the pace.
• Role reversal (the child meets the parent's emotional needs). [synthesis on AAPI construct D] Use the SPICES self-nurturing plan (4.11) to move the parent's needs onto adults and other supports. Tie expectations back to ages and stages (4.8).
• Children's group problems (separation distress, aggression, very wide age range). [synthesis] Stagger separation, allowing the parent to stay briefly. Keep to the age groupings and staffing ratios: three or more child facilitators for birth to 5 [source: CEBC]. Pass behaviour observations to the parent facilitators so they can be coached at Family Nurturing Time.
• Time-out misused, or a version conflict. [synthesis, with source note] The journal teaches time-out for children aged 2½ and older and for serious misbehaviour only. FDR's later web guidance warns about isolation and shame. If a parent uses time-out harshly, at length, or with very young children, move to redirection, ignoring and comfort-corner methods (4.24, 4.37, 4.44). Record which version you follow.
• Sensitive content conflicts with family culture or religion (sex education, the male/female brain lesson, a faith programme). [synthesis] Offer the lesson's aim in a form the family can accept. FDR publishes culturally adapted and faith-based versions (Latino, Haitian, Arabic, Hmong; Nurturing God's Way). Use the adapted material rather than improvising, and record any adaptation for fidelity.
• Wrong dosage for the case. [source: CEBC; WB] A family at high risk or in a court case needs the full tertiary or comprehensive dose, not a 5–9-lesson primary course. Re-assess and move them up a level if the posttest shows little change.
• Pressure to treat the completion certificate as clearance. [synthesis] In reports to child-welfare services or courts, separate attendance from demonstrated change: pre/post AAPI and NSCS, competency ratings, and observed parent-child interaction.

Sources

Sources:

• Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers: Family Nurturing Journal, 16-session group / 7-session home (FDR, 2015)
• Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers: Family Nurturing Journal, 27-session group (FDR, 2015)
• Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers: Family Nurturing Journal, 55-session home
• Parent Handbook, Birth to 5: table of contents (FDR)
• Bavolek, S. J. Nurturing Parenting facilitator training workbook, 18th edition (FDR, 2016) (the excerpt opened ran to the discipline chapter)
• Validation of the Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers (FDR)
• Nurturing Parenting Programs logic model (FDR, hosted by CEBC)
• Nurturing Program facilitator training brochure, Gloucester MA, 2019 (FDR)
• Parent handbook for Parents and Their Children with Special Needs and Health Challenges: contents pages (FDR)
• Beyond Time-Outs: Innovative Alternatives Inspired by the Nurturing Parenting Model (FDR blog)
• CEBC: Nurturing Parenting Program for Parents and their Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers
• Title IV-E Prevention Services Clearinghouse: Nurturing Skills for Families

Further reading (not drawn on; content taken from journals, tables of contents and profiles):

• Bavolek, S. J. Nurturing Program for Parents and Their Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers: Group Facilitator's Instructional Manual (Family Development Resources; CEBC lists a 2009 edition with forms CD).
• Bavolek, S. J. Nurturing Parenting Parent Handbook (Family Development Resources; 5th ed., 2021, per the Title IV-E clearinghouse).
• Bavolek, S. J. Nurturing Skills for Families: Lesson Guide for Parents (7th ed., 2022) and Lesson Guide for Children (2nd ed., 2021). Family Development Resources.
• Bavolek, S. J., Comstock, C., & McLaughlin, J. (1983). The Nurturing Program for Parents and Children 4 to 12 Years. Family Development Resources.
• Bavolek, S. J., & Keene, R. G. Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory (AAPI-2). Family Development Resources. A licensed instrument; no items are reproduced here. [uncertain: the authorship of the edition is not verified]