Relationship education (PREP, PREPARE-ENRICH)

1. Introduction

Version followed: PREP as taught in PREP Inc.'s current training (PREP 8.0 v2/v2.1 couples curriculum, Within My Reach v4 for individuals, and The PREP Approach in Couples Therapy on-demand course by Markman, Stanley and Rhoades), with technique detail from Fighting for Your Marriage (Markman, Stanley & Blumberg, 1994 ed., via a university handout); PREPARE/ENRICH as the online Customized Version (described by Olson, Olson & Larson, 2012) plus the PREPARE/ENRICH Workbook for Couples (Seventh-day Adventist Version, 2018).

Relationship education is not one therapy. It is a family of structured psychoeducational programmes that teach couples (or individuals) relationship skills, usually before serious distress sets in. The two programmes covered here differ in method: [source: DU news; PREP FAQ; Olson et al. 2012]

PREP (Prevention and Relationship Education Program; earlier "Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program") was developed from about 1980 by Howard Markman and Scott Stanley at the University of Denver, and is now maintained with Galena Rhoades through PREP Educational Products, Inc. It is skills-first and usually delivered as group workshops. Its idea of change: couples get into trouble in two linked ways. They lose positive connection over time, and they handle conflict badly enough to create chronic tension. Stronger commitment, and safety built through rules for talking about hard issues, let the friendship, fun and support in the relationship do their work. [source: Art of Manliness #550 (Stanley); PACT course page]
PREPARE/ENRICH was developed by David H. Olson and colleagues (Life Innovations). It is assessment-first: each partner completes an online inventory, then a trained facilitator meets the couple to feed back strengths and growth areas and teach skills from a workbook. The idea is that awareness of shared strengths and specific growth areas, plus a small set of communication, conflict and stress skills, lets the couple tackle their own issues. [source: Olson et al. 2012]

Both are designed as education, not treatment. A therapist can deliver them as stand-alone programmes, once trained, or fold their components into couples therapy. PREP's authors explicitly position the skills as add-ons to EFT, IBCT and CBCT. [source: PACT course page]

2. Framework

PREP

Format. A workshop for groups, or modules used within couples or individual therapy. Couples spend most of the time in structured discussions and skill practice, and nobody has to disclose personal problems to the group. [source: USMC 29 Palms PREP page] PREP's minimum group size is 4 couples or 6 individuals. [source: PREP FAQ]
Curricula (pick the one that fits the audience). PREP 8.0 (couples); Within My Reach (individuals, 15 units, covering people in stable relationships, people in harmful relationships who need to leave safely, people choosing a future partner, and people with complex parenting situations); Got Your Back (individual service members, also online); Get Better Together; ePREP (self-paced online, for couples). [source: Within My Reach training page; PREP FAQ]
Content sequence. The therapy-adaptation course is the clearest published sequence of PREP content. In order: relationships today → safety theory → the Three Keys → communication danger signs (escalation, withdrawal, invalidation, negative interpretation) → Time Out → Speaker-Listener Technique (teaching, coaching, use with high-conflict couples) → problem solving → events, issues and hidden issues → XYZ statements → commitment (maintenance, formation, cohabitation and inertia, asymmetry and ambiguity, commitment themes in therapy) → infidelity → aggression → expectations → homework strategies. [source: PACT curriculum listing] The PREP 8.0 themes are communication, conflict management, commitment, expectations, fun and friendship, problem solving and emotional support. [source: PREP 8.0 training page]
Dosage. The published pages give no fixed session count. Length is adaptable, and PREP supplies sample event schedules and a fidelity checklist for each curriculum. [source: PREP FAQ] Total hours for a typical PREP 8.0 workshop are not given in the sources. [uncertain]
Moving between phases. No formal phase criteria are published. Practical rule [synthesis]: teach the danger signs and Time Out before any hot-topic discussion; move to Speaker-Listener on real issues only after the couple can run it on a low-conflict topic with accurate paraphrase; start problem solving only once both say they feel understood on the issue.
Certification and fidelity. Facilitators complete a PREP Inc. training. Options include an on-demand 9.5-hour PREP 8.0 v2.1 course, a 15-hour certification course, about 13 hours for Within My Reach v4, and a 12-hour therapy course. Certification is lifelong with no recertification required, though refreshers are recommended. Every participant must have their own purchased participant materials, which may not be photocopied. Facilitators should request the curriculum's fidelity checklist before adapting it. When combining PREP with other curricula, deliver the PREP material whole first so participants can tell the two apart. [source: PREP FAQ; PREP 8.0, Within My Reach and PACT training pages]

PREPARE/ENRICH

Phase 1: Assessment. Each partner completes the online Customized Version on their own. It adapts to relationship stage (dating, engaged, married) and family structure. Core scales: communication, conflict resolution, partner style and habits, financial management, leisure, affection and sexuality, family and friends, relationship roles, spiritual beliefs. Customised scales (cohabitation, cultural issues, interfaith, forgiveness, commitment, parenting/stepparenting, and others) are added as relevant, along with couple and family closeness and flexibility, family of origin, a Personal Stress Profile and the SCOPE personality scales (Big Five based). The items are licensed; do not reproduce them. [source: Olson et al. 2012]
Phase 2: Facilitator preparation. The facilitator reads the roughly 20–25-page Facilitator's Report. The couple receives a roughly 10-page Couple's Report and a workbook of 20+ exercises. Reports place the couple in one of five types (Vitalized, Harmonious, Conventional, Conflicted, Devitalized; from highest to lowest satisfaction). [source: Olson et al. 2012]
Phase 3: Feedback and skill sessions. Typically 3–6 sessions with the couple, alternating result feedback with workbook skills. Programme goals: explore strengths and growth areas; strengthen communication; identify and manage major stressors; resolve conflict with a ten-step model; balance the relationship using couple and family maps; understand personality differences for teamwork. [source: Olson et al. 2012] The workbook says to start with its "Six Core Exercises" and then take the rest in any order. Which six exercises these are is not specified. [source: P/E Workbook 2018] [uncertain]
Phase 4: Maintenance. The workbook suggests an annual relationship-strengthening event and repeating the Couple Checkup around anniversaries. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Moving between phases [synthesis]: open feedback with strengths before growth areas. Teach assertiveness and active listening before using the ten-step model on a growth area. Close when the couple has an agreed plan for their top one or two growth areas and has used the ten steps on at least one real issue.
Certification. Administering the assessment requires training as a facilitator, either at a one-day workshop or through self-training (CE credit is available for mental health professionals). [source: Olson et al. 2012] Current fees and annual requirements were not checked. [uncertain]

3. Guiding principles

Prevention over repair. Practical meaning: build skills while things are going well, so they are already in place when conflict comes. [source: DU news]
Education, not therapy (in workshop form). Practical meaning: no one is required to disclose in the group, and practice happens couple by couple. [source: USMC PREP page]
Make it safe to connect (safety theory). Practical meaning: your first job is to cut down the damage conflict causes, so partners can risk being open. [source: Stanley podcast; PACT]
Decide, don't slide. Practical meaning: help couples make deliberate choices about transitions (moving in, timing of hard talks, priorities) instead of drifting. [source: Stanley podcast]
Do your part. Practical meaning: steer each partner to what they can change in themselves, not to fixing the other. [source: Stanley podcast]
Structure contains conflict. Practical meaning: agreed ground rules (Time Out, Speaker-Listener, scheduled issue discussions) replace improvisation in hot moments. [source: Stanley podcast; ND handout]
Understanding before solutions. Practical meaning: a good discussion comes first; problem solving waits until both feel heard. [source: ND handout]
Validation without agreement. Practical meaning: coach partners to acknowledge each other's view even where they disagree. [source: Diocese FW-SB handout]
Generous readings. Practical meaning: challenge negative interpretations, and reframe the withdrawer as avoiding the fight, not the partner. [source: Stanley podcast]
Protect positives. Practical meaning: keep fun, friendship and sensuality time free of conflict and logistics. [source: Stanley podcast; USMC PREP page]
Dedication can be grown. Practical meaning: work on chosen commitment (priority, small acts) alongside constraint. [source: Stanley podcast]
Strengths first (PREPARE/ENRICH). Practical meaning: start feedback with the couple's shared strengths before growth areas. [source: Olson et al. 2012; P/E Workbook]
Assessment-guided focus (PREPARE/ENRICH). Practical meaning: let the report pick the top growth areas to work on, rather than covering everything. [source: Olson et al. 2012]
Safety and fit. Practical meaning: screen for aggression. Within My Reach covers leaving harmful relationships safely, and PREP has an aggression module. [source: Within My Reach page; PACT] How to screen is covered in section 5. [synthesis]
Fidelity with flexible delivery. Practical meaning: adapt the length and audience, but keep the core content and use the fidelity checklist. [source: PREP FAQ]

4. Intervention inventory

Part A covers PREP and Part B covers PREPARE/ENRICH. All example wording is illustrative unless quoted. PREP's own participant materials are copyrighted and must be bought for each participant. [source: PREP FAQ]

Part A: PREP

A1. Teaching the communication danger signs

Purpose: Give the couple shared names for the four patterns PREP treats as most damaging, so they can spot them as they happen. Use early in a workshop or therapy. [source: PACT curriculum; Diocese FW-SB handout; Stanley podcast]
Steps: (1) Present each pattern with a plain example. Escalation: negative replies bounce back and forth and grow, sometimes until the future of the relationship is questioned. Invalidation: putting down the partner's thoughts, feelings or character, or telling them they shouldn't feel what they feel. Cues include name-calling, eye-rolling, "it's obvious" and "you should". Negative interpretation: reading the partner's motives as worse than they are. Withdrawal and avoidance: refusing to get into or stay in an important talk, from leaving the room to shutting down, often paired with a partner who pursues. (2) Have each partner privately note which patterns they themselves fall into. Keep the focus on owning your own part. (3) Pair each pattern with its antidote. For escalation, one partner softens and steps back, or calls Time Out. For invalidation, acknowledge the other's view; empathy does not require agreement. For negative interpretation, ask whether the reading is fair and look for evidence against it. For withdrawal, the pursuer waits and the withdrawer commits to a specific time to talk. (4) Connect the patterns to the ground rules taught next. [source: Diocese FW-SB; Catholic Charities SW Kansas; Stanley podcast]
Example language (illustrative): "Which of these four do you fall into when you're stressed? Just your own, not your partner's." "If one of you pursues and the other withdraws, the withdrawer may be avoiding the fight, not you."
Watch for: partners using the labels as weapons ("you're invalidating me again"). Redirect to self-observation. It is working when partners name their own pattern mid-argument and switch to the antidote.

A2. Agreeing ground rules

Purpose: Turn the skills into advance agreements about how the couple will handle hard moments. [source: DU news; Stanley podcast]
Steps: (1) Explain that ground rules are agreed beforehand, when calm. (2) Core rules Stanley describes: use Time Out when things escalate, use the Speaker-Listener Technique for hard topics, and protect positive time from conflict. (3) Invite the couple to add their own rules (for example, a set time for issue talks, or no hard topics when exhausted, which Stanley recommends) and to write them down. (4) Review them at each session. [source: Stanley podcast; DU news] PREP's full published list of ground rules is not drawn on here. [uncertain]
Example language (illustrative): "Let's agree now, while you're calm, what either of you can do when a talk starts to heat up."
Watch for: rules one partner imposes on the other. Each rule must be mutual and usable by either partner.

A3. Time Out

Purpose: Stop escalation before it does damage. It is like a team's time-out, not a punishment. [source: Stanley podcast; PACT module "Teaching Time Out"]
Steps: (1) The couple picks a signal (a word, phrase or gesture) that either can use. (2) They agree in advance that the signal is honoured at once and is not a way to win the point. (3) Either partner calls it when the talk is escalating, ideally framed as "we" need a break. (4) They separate and calm down. One PREP-based handout suggests at least 20–30 minutes and returning to the topic within 24 hours [source: Catholic Charities SW Kansas]; treat these figures as a secondary-source guideline. [uncertain] (5) They come back to the topic at an agreed time, ideally using Speaker-Listener. [source: Stanley podcast]
Example language (illustrative): "What word could either of you say that means 'we're escalating, let's stop and come back to this'?" To practise: "Say it now, in a neutral voice."
Watch for: Time Out used to avoid the topic for good (no return), or called and then followed by a parting shot. It is working when Time Outs get shorter and topics are actually picked up again.

A4. Speaker-Listener Technique

Purpose: A structured turn-taking format that makes discussion of hard or heated topics safe. It works against escalation, invalidation, pursue-withdraw and mind-reading. It is used for discussion, not problem solving. [source: ND handout adapted from Markman, Stanley & Blumberg 1994; Stanley podcast]
Steps: (1) Use a physical object as "the floor" (a pen, a card). Only the person holding it speaks. (2) The speaker talks about their own thoughts and feelings in "I" language, does not mind-read, keeps each turn short, and pauses so the listener can paraphrase. (3) The listener paraphrases in their own words, does not rebut, and saves their own views and questions for their turn. (4) If the paraphrase is off, the speaker gently restates, and the listener tries again until the speaker confirms. (5) The floor passes back and forth. (6) Aim for good understanding, not a solution. (7) Either partner can ask to use the technique whenever a talk heats up or a topic is sensitive. [source: ND handout; Stanley podcast] PREP has published a video demonstration (Stanley mentions it is about 17 minutes long). [source: Stanley podcast]
Example language (illustrative): Listener openers given in the handout include "What I hear you saying is…" and "Sounds like…". [source: ND handout] Therapist, after a long speaker turn: "Let's pause there so they can get that piece back to you."
Watch for: couples finding it artificial at first. Stanley says it feels stilted but becomes more natural with practice, so normalise this. [source: Stanley podcast] PREP's training covers asking questions during the technique, coaching it, and using it with high-conflict couples, but those modules are not drawn on here. [uncertain] It is working when paraphrases get accurate on the first or second try and both partners report feeling understood.

A5. Coaching the technique in session

Purpose: The therapist or workshop coach helps the couple use Speaker-Listener on real issues. [source: PACT curriculum lists "Coaching the Technique" and "PREP Coaching Essentials"] [uncertain]
Steps (synthesis): (1) Begin with a low-intensity topic. (2) Sit to the side. Prompt rule-following briefly ("floor?", "say back first") rather than talking about content. (3) Shorten speaker turns that run long. (4) Help a stuck listener with a stem, not with the content. (5) Debrief: what helped, and what each partner learned. (6) Move to harder topics as accuracy improves. [synthesis]
Example language (illustrative): "Just the last sentence: what did you hear?" "Can you put that as 'I feel…' rather than 'you always…'?"
Watch for: the coach being drawn into deciding who is right. Stay with the process.

A6. XYZ statements

Purpose: Raise a complaint specifically and without attacking, which counters invalidation and negative interpretation. [source: PACT curriculum; Catholic Charities SW Kansas]
Steps: (1) Name the specific behaviour (not a trait). (2) Name the situation or time it happened. (3) Name how it affected you, emotionally and practically. (4) Keep it to one incident, with no "always" or "never". (5) Practise by rewriting a recent complaint. [source: Catholic Charities SW Kansas, describing PREP-style "I" messages] The exact PREP wording of the formula is not drawn on here. [uncertain]
Example language (illustrative): "When you checked your phone during dinner last night, I felt shut out and a bit hurt."
Watch for: hidden blame in the third part ("I feel that you're selfish"). Help the partner restate it as a feeling.

A7. Events, issues and hidden issues

Purpose: Help couples see that a small trigger (an event) often sets off a chronic topic (an issue: money, sex, in-laws, chores, children), and that the heat often comes from unspoken meanings (hidden issues). [source: Stanley podcast; USMC PREP page]
Steps: (1) Teach the three levels with an example. Stanley's example: an argument about mowing the lawn was really about what the chore meant about commitment, given the wife's history with her father. (2) When an event comes up, agree to set it aside for a scheduled talk rather than having it out on the spot. (3) In that talk (using Speaker-Listener), each partner explores what the issue means to them. (4) Signs of a hidden issue: arguments over trivial events, frequent repetition, scorekeeping, avoidance. [synthesis] (5) Name the hidden meaning explicitly and discuss it before any problem solving. [source: Stanley podcast] PREP's list of typical hidden issues is not drawn on here. [uncertain]
Example language (illustrative): "This keeps coming back over small things, so I wonder what it means to each of you underneath."
Watch for: interpreting for the client. Let the partner name their own meaning.

A8. Problem solving

Purpose: Reach workable agreements, but only after good discussion. [source: PACT curriculum lists a problem-solving module; ND handout] PREP's specific step sequence is not drawn on here. [uncertain]
Steps (synthesis, consistent with the PREPARE/ENRICH ten steps in B5): (1) First discuss the problem fully with Speaker-Listener, until both feel understood. (2) Narrow it to one specific part. (3) Brainstorm without criticism. (4) Agree on a trial solution, with who does what and by when. (5) Set a follow-up time to review it. [synthesis]
Example language (illustrative): "Do you both feel understood on this? Then let's pick the one piece you'd like to solve today."
Watch for: solving too early. If either partner still feels unheard, go back to discussion.

A9. Expectations

Purpose: Bring unspoken expectations into the open, including those carried over from family of origin, before they turn into disappointment. [source: Stanley podcast; PACT "Expectations"]
Steps: (1) Each partner privately lists their expectations in key areas. (2) For each, they ask whether it is reasonable and whether it has ever been clearly stated. (3) Share using Speaker-Listener. (4) Agree which expectations to adjust, which to state clearly, and which to meet. [source: Stanley podcast; Catholic Charities SW Kansas]
Example language (illustrative): "What did you grow up assuming a partner would do here, without ever saying it?"
Watch for: expectations framed as demands. The aim is awareness and negotiation.

A10. Protecting fun, friendship and sensuality

Purpose: Keep positive connection going, which PREP treats as half of what keeps relationships healthy. [source: Stanley podcast; USMC PREP page]
Steps: (1) Schedule regular time for fun and friendship. (2) Rule: no conflict and no logistics in that time. If an issue comes up, park it for a scheduled talk. (3) Choose activities together. (4) Review in the next session whether it happened. [source: Stanley podcast]
Example language (illustrative): "This walk is protected time: no bills, no problems. If something comes up, write it down for Thursday's talk."
Watch for: fun time drifting into problem talk. Recommit to the rule.

A11. Commitment work: dedication and "decide, don't slide"

Purpose: Strengthen dedication (the chosen, dynamic side of commitment), distinguished from constraint (the ties that keep a couple together regardless of how they feel), and make key transitions deliberate decisions. [source: Stanley podcast; PACT commitment modules]
Steps: (1) Explain dedication versus constraint. (2) Make a priority audit: what gets in the way of the relationship, and what each partner could say no to. (3) Each partner lists small, easy things the other likes and does one or two each week. (4) Review recent transitions (moving in, a pregnancy, a new job) and ask whether each was decided or slid into. Plan how to decide the next one. (5) In therapy, PREP suggests looking at commitment by tracing how the couple's relationship developed; it also covers cohabitation inertia and asymmetric commitment, which are not drawn on here. [source: Stanley podcast; PACT] [uncertain]
Example language (illustrative): "What's one small thing you know they like that you could do this week?"
Watch for: marked asymmetry in commitment. Address it openly rather than continuing a skills programme as if nothing were wrong (see section 5).

A12. Forgiveness (PREP topic)

Purpose: Repair after hurts. [source: USMC PREP page lists forgiveness as a topic] PREP's specific forgiveness procedure is not drawn on here. [uncertain] Use the PREPARE/ENRICH forgiveness steps (B7) or the guidance in section 5.

A13. Homework

Purpose: Practise the skills between sessions. PREP's training includes an "Effective Homework Strategies" module, which is not drawn on here. [source: PACT curriculum] [uncertain]
Steps (synthesis): Set one small, specific task (for example, two 10-minute Speaker-Listener practices on mild topics, plus one protected fun time). Agree the time and place. Begin the next session by reviewing it. [synthesis]

Part B: PREPARE/ENRICH

Exercises B2 onwards follow the order of the 2018 Couple Workbook (SDA Version). All of them are paraphrased here. Worksheets, the money questionnaire and the inventory items are copyrighted and are not reproduced. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]

B1. Assessment administration and feedback session

Purpose: Base the work on each partner's own report, and start from strengths. [source: Olson et al. 2012]
Steps: (1) Register the couple. Each partner completes the online Customized Version on their own, with no conferring. (2) Read the Facilitator's Report before the first session. Note strength areas, growth areas, couple type, the couple and family maps, stress, and SCOPE personality. (3) Session 1: explain that the results are a starting point for discussion, not a verdict. Share strengths first. (4) Choose one or two growth areas to work on and teach the matching workbook skill. (5) Over 3–6 sessions, cycle between feedback and skills. [source: Olson et al. 2012] (6) Use the couple type to frame the work, never as a prediction to present to the couple. [synthesis]
Example language (illustrative): "Let's start with where you're strong together, then pick one or two areas to build on."
Watch for: couples treating results as pass or fail, or one partner using a score against the other. Stress that the results reflect how each partner sees the relationship.

B2. Sharing strength and growth areas

Purpose: Build shared awareness of what is working and what needs attention.
Steps: (1) Each partner rates about ten relationship areas on their own. (2) Each names three strengths and three growth areas. (3) They compare where they agree and where they differ. (4) They choose a growth area to work on first. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Example language (illustrative): "Where did you both pick the same strength? Where did you see it differently?"
Watch for: big gaps in perception. These are useful material, not a problem.

B3. Assertiveness and active listening

Purpose: The two core communication skills. Assertiveness is stating your feelings and requests in "I" language. Active listening is restating both what your partner said and how they feel. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Steps: (1) Teach both skills. (2) Practise with the Wish List: each partner writes three things they would like more or less of; they take turns, one speaking assertively, the other restating the wish and its emotional impact; then they discuss how well each skill was used. (3) Set the Daily Dialogue as homework: a five-minute daily check-in on what each enjoyed and what was dissatisfying, plus at least one genuine compliment a day. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Example language (illustrative): "Say the wish as 'I would like more…', then your partner says back the wish and how it seems to feel for you."
Watch for: wishes framed as criticism, or the listener restating content but missing the feeling. It is working when the restatement captures both and the daily dialogue is actually happening.

B4. Stress: most critical issues and balancing priorities

Purpose: Identify and manage the main stressors. [source: Olson et al. 2012; P/E Workbook 2018]
Steps: (1) Using the Personal Stress Profile results, each partner picks up to four stressors. (2) They sort them on a grid by priority and by how changeable they are. (3) Together, they work on one high-priority, changeable stressor. (4) Balancing priorities: compare current with ideal time spent on work, personal, couple, home and family activities, and plan how to close the gap. (5) Wedding stress (premarital couples): keep the bigger picture in view, defer to whoever cares more about a given item, share tasks fairly, learn each other's traditions, and look for deeper issues underneath. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Example language (illustrative): "Which of these can you actually change in the next month? Let's start there."
Watch for: couples putting effort into stressors they cannot change. Redirect to coping and support for those.

B5. Ten steps for resolving conflict

Purpose: A structured problem-solving routine for a specific issue. [source: Olson et al. 2012; P/E handout 2017; Workbook 2018]
Steps: (1) Set a time and place. (2) Define the problem specifically. (3) Each partner lists how they contribute to it. (4) List past attempts that did not work. (5) Brainstorm about ten solutions without criticism. (6) Evaluate each one. (7) Agree on one solution to try. (8) Each partner states what they will do. (9) Set a follow-up meeting. (10) Reward each other for progress. [source: Asbury/P/E 2017 handout]
Example language (illustrative): "Before solutions, each of you name one way you add to this problem."
Watch for: skipping step 3 or step 9. It is working when couples bring follow-up reports back to session.

B6. Time-out (P/E)

Steps: (1) Notice when emotions are too intense. (2) Ask for a break for yourself (not "you need to calm down"). (3) Calm down. (4) Reflect on what matters. (5) Return using assertiveness and active listening or the ten steps. [source: P/E Workbook 2018; Asbury handout]
Example language (illustrative): "I need a break to calm down. Can we come back to this at eight?"

B7. Seeking and granting forgiveness

Purpose: Repair after hurts. The workbook gives six steps for the partner who caused the hurt and six for the hurt partner. It stresses that forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing, and that reconciliation depends on safety. [source: P/E Workbook 2018] The steps are not listed here because the source summary gave only an outline. [uncertain]
Steps (synthesis outline): The offender acknowledges the specific harm, takes responsibility, apologises and makes amends. The hurt partner names the hurt, decides whether and when to forgive, and states what is needed to rebuild trust. [synthesis]
Watch for: pressure to forgive quickly, or forgiveness being asked for while harm is ongoing. Do not proceed in either case (see section 5).

B8. Financial management exercises

Purpose: Address money as a source of conflict and as a carrier of personal meaning. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Steps: (1) Meaning of money: a short licensed questionnaire scored on four orientations (status, security, enjoyment, control). Partners compare their profiles. (2) Priorities: each rates spending categories on a 1–5 scale, then compares these priorities with actual spending. (3) Financial goals: each lists short-term (6–12 months) and long-term (1–5 years) goals, and they agree on shared goals. (4) Budget worksheet: after tracking spending for 1–3 months, fill in a monthly budget (income, giving, saving, debt, living costs, discretionary spending) with current and planned figures. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Example language (illustrative): "What did money mean in your family growing up: safety, status, fun, control?"
Watch for: financial control or secrecy, which may signal coercive control (see section 5).

B9. The dating exercise

Steps: (1) Each lists favourite past dates and shared interests. (2) Combine the lists. (3) Rank the ideas by time, cost and energy needed. (4) Schedule one date a week for two months. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Watch for: dates that are planned but never happen. Check at each session.

B10. Expression of intimacy

Purpose: Structured discussion of affection and sexuality, with separate question sets for premarital and married couples (covering family background, communication, preferences and expectations). [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Steps: Partners discuss the questions privately at home. Debrief in session only at the level each partner is comfortable with. If a sexual dysfunction emerges, refer for or move to sex therapy. [synthesis]

B11. Relationship roles: sharing roles and switching roles

Steps: (1) Sharing roles: each lists the household and child-related tasks they do or plan to do; compare lists and revise into an agreed division. (2) Switching roles: for a day or a week, each partner does the other's household tasks. Debrief afterwards. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Watch for: unexamined gender expectations. Link back to expectations work (A9 and B13).

B12. Your spiritual journey

Steps: Discuss religious heritage, practices and values, and how faith will shape the marriage and any children. Faith-specific versions exist. [source: P/E Workbook 2018; Olson et al. 2012]

B13. Managing expectations

Steps: Partners review a list of 14 common beliefs about marriage, mark those they have held, and discuss how each could lead to disappointment. [source: P/E Workbook 2018] The list itself is not reproduced here.

B14. Children and parenting

Steps: (1) Couples planning children discuss whether and when to have them, roles, discipline and values. (2) Couples with children plan a weekly family conference: a regular family meeting that includes everyone, has a set time, and welcomes ideas without criticism. (3) Stepfamilies: go through common myths about blended families alongside more realistic expectations, then use the discussion questions. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]

B15. Couple and family maps (closeness and flexibility)

Purpose: Balance the relationship using Olson's closeness and flexibility dimensions, comparing the couple's current pattern with each family of origin. [source: Olson et al. 2012; P/E Workbook 2018]
Steps: (1) Explain the two dimensions using everyday examples. (2) Place the couple and each family of origin on the map using the report. (3) If closeness is too low, use sentence-completion prompts and shared activities. If it is too high or enmeshed, add individual time. (4) If flexibility is too rigid, share leadership and try spontaneous plans. If it is too chaotic, add consistency and rituals. [source: P/E Workbook 2018]
Example language (illustrative): "How does how close your family was compare to what each of you wants now?"

B16. SCOPE personality and achieving goals

Purpose: Understand personality differences to improve teamwork (SCOPE, based on the Big Five), and set shared goals. [source: Olson et al. 2012] The workbook steps for both exercises are not given in the source. [uncertain]
Steps (synthesis): Review each partner's SCOPE profile without ranking anyone. Identify one difference that causes friction and one that is complementary, and agree how to use each. For goals, each partner lists individual and couple goals, then they agree one shared goal with concrete steps and a review date. [synthesis]

5. Handling problems

Where the sources address a problem, it is cited. Everything else is marked [synthesis].

Aggression or coercive control (screen before starting). PREP has a dedicated aggression module, and Within My Reach is built partly for people who need to leave harmful relationships safely. [source: PACT curriculum; Within My Reach page] Response [synthesis]: screen each partner separately for violence, fear and control (including financial control; see B8) before any conjoint skills work. If there is fear, injury or coercive control, do not run conjoint conflict exercises. Offer individual safety planning and refer to specialist services. For an individual, Within My Reach is an option. Skills such as Time Out can be misused by a controlling partner, so check how they are actually used.
"It feels fake" (Speaker-Listener). Stanley says it feels artificial at first and more natural with practice. [source: Stanley podcast] Response [synthesis]: present it as scaffolding for hard topics only, not for everyday talk. Practise on a mild topic first, keep turns very short, and praise a single accurate paraphrase.
Escalation in session. Call a Time Out yourself, using the couple's agreed signal. Return under Speaker-Listener with very short turns. [source: Stanley podcast; ND handout] If it keeps happening, the couple may need couples therapy rather than education. [synthesis]
Pursue-withdraw stuckness. Reframe both positions generously: the withdrawer may be avoiding the fight, not the partner, and the pursuer may just want to address things sooner. [source: Stanley podcast] The withdrawer commits to a specific time to talk, and the pursuer agrees to wait until then. [source: Diocese FW-SB handout]
Time Out used to avoid issues. Restate the rule that every Time Out comes with a return time. Track returns as homework. [synthesis; return rule from Stanley podcast]
Problem solving fails or agreements break down. Usually the discussion was cut short or a hidden issue is driving the conflict. Go back to Speaker-Listener and explore events, issues and hidden issues (A7). With PREPARE/ENRICH, check that steps 3 (each partner's contribution) and 9 (follow-up) were done. [synthesis, drawing on A7/B5 sources]
Non-adherence to homework (practice, dates, daily dialogue). Shrink the task. Have the couple schedule it in session, with a day and time. Review it first thing next session. [synthesis] Stanley stresses choosing to protect the relationship's priority, including saying no to other demands. [source: Stanley podcast]
Asymmetric or ambiguous commitment. PREP treats this as a distinct theme ("Asymmetry and Ambiguity in Relationships"), but the content is not drawn on here. [source: PACT curriculum] [uncertain] Response [synthesis]: name the asymmetry gently in a session with both partners, or see each partner individually. Consider pausing skills work in favour of a decision-focused conversation ("decide, don't slide").
Disclosed infidelity. PREP has an infidelity module (not drawn on here). [source: PACT curriculum] [uncertain] Response [synthesis]: education is usually not enough at this point. Move to couples therapy, and use the forgiveness work (B7) only once the hurt partner chooses it and the affair has ended.
Pressured forgiveness. The PREPARE/ENRICH workbook separates forgiveness from forgetting, and reconciliation from forgiveness, and makes reconciliation depend on safety. [source: P/E Workbook 2018] Do not push either.
Assessment results distress the couple (PREPARE/ENRICH). Start with strengths. Present growth areas as things to work on, and the couple type as a description, not a prediction. If results point to serious problems (for example, high conflict alongside low commitment), give extra sessions or refer to couples therapy, and do not rush the wedding preparation. [synthesis, extending Olson et al. 2012]
One partner dominates a group workshop. No one has to disclose in a PREP group, and practice happens couple by couple. [source: USMC PREP page] Response [synthesis]: in groups, coach privately at the couple's own space. Gently cut off personal disclosures that go into detail.
Overwhelm or trauma activation during structured talks. Response [synthesis]: lower the intensity (shorter turns, a milder topic), take a Time Out, and check whether individual trauma or mental-health treatment is needed alongside, or before, relationship education.
Cultural, faith or family-structure fit. PREPARE/ENRICH has customised scales (cultural, interfaith, stepfamily, cohabitation) and faith-specific versions. PREP has curricula for individuals and for the military. [source: Olson et al. 2012; PREP FAQ] Response [synthesis]: pick the version that fits. Adapt examples, not core content. Use the fidelity checklist when adapting PREP. [source: PREP FAQ]
Ruptures with the facilitator (e.g. a partner feels the therapist has taken sides). Response [synthesis]: name it, apply the rules to yourself (paraphrase the partner's complaint back to them), and re-centre on process rather than content.

Sources

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