Co-Dependents Anonymous

1. Introduction

Version followed: Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA World, coda.org) materials as currently published: Basic Meeting Format, Building CoDA Community: Healthy Meetings, Sponsorship in CoDA, Establishing Boundaries in Recovery, Recovery Patterns of Codependence (© 2010/2011 list in five categories), the 2023 Recovery Patterns Check-In Tool, and CoDA Canada's Newcomers Package (Aug 2023) and First 14 Days temporary-sponsor notes. Clinician procedures are adapted [synthesis] from the Project MATCH Twelve-Step Facilitation Therapy Manual (Nowinski, Baker & Carroll, NIAAA), which was written for AA and alcohol use, not for CoDA.

What it is. Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) is a peer-run Twelve Step mutual-aid fellowship for people who want healthy, loving relationships; that desire is the only membership requirement. It was founded in 1986 (first meeting 22 October 1986 in Phoenix, Arizona, about 30 people; it grew to 120 groups by year end and now has meetings in over 70 countries plus online and phone meetings) [source: CoDA Information for Professionals; Wikipedia]. Founders' names were not given in any source opened [uncertain]. CoDA is not a therapy and is not something a clinician runs. It describes itself as non-professional, offering no counselling, no advice and no formal definition or diagnostic criteria of codependence; members self-identify by recognising shared attitudes and behaviours [source: What is CoDA?; Information for Professionals]. Unlike Al-Anon it is not tied to a relative's addiction. This guide is written for a clinician who assesses fit, refers, prepares the client, works alongside the fellowship and uses its tools inside therapy.

How change happens (CoDA's account). Codependence is framed as a deep-rooted compulsive pattern, often learned in dysfunctional families and other systems, in which a person uses others as their main source of identity and worth [source: Newcomers Package]. Change comes from: honest self-diagnosis against the published Patterns and Characteristics; working CoDA's Twelve Steps (adapted from AA), beginning with admitting powerlessness over others; a relationship with a Higher Power of one's own understanding; one-to-one sponsorship; and regular identification with peers in meetings where people share only their own experience and no one fixes anyone. The stated outcome is learning to love oneself, becoming honest about one's history and behaviour, and building more balanced relationships [source: What is CoDA?; Information for Professionals].

2. Framework

CoDA publishes no clinical phases or session count; recovery is described as lifelong and self-paced [source: Newcomers Package; Importance of Working the Steps]. Below are (A) the trajectory the fellowship describes and (B) a clinician framework for working alongside it [synthesis].

A. The fellowship trajectory (as CoDA publishes it)

Newcomer stage. Goal: find out whether CoDA fits. Suggested: attend at least six different meetings before deciding; sharing is optional; call the meeting's contact person before a first meeting if desired [source: Newcomers Package]. Some groups assign a temporary newcomer sponsor for the first six meetings [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]; CoDA Canada offers a structured First 14 Days email process with a temporary sponsor, aimed to finish in 3–4 weeks [source: 14-Day Temporary Sponsor notes].
Engagement stage. Goal: personal programme. Find a sponsor (after about six meetings), use the Tools of Recovery, begin Step work in writing, at one's own pace and thoroughly rather than fast [source: Newcomers Package; Sponsorship in CoDA].
Ongoing recovery and service. Goal: maintenance and giving back. Daily check-ins on Steps Ten and Eleven, returning to earlier Steps when a pattern resurfaces, rotating service roles, sponsoring others, carrying the message (Step Twelve) [source: Patterns Check-In Tool; Healthy Meetings]. One member's account cautions against carrying the message too early [source: Importance of Working the Steps, a member's personal account, not official literature].
Meeting format. Typically weekly, around 60–90 minutes [uncertain: duration not stated in sources]. Sequence: welcome, silence and an opening prayer, readings (Preamble, Welcome, Steps, Traditions, optionally the Patterns), newcomer welcome, announcements, a 10–15-minute speaker or reading, sharing guidelines and crosstalk statement, open sharing (optional 3–5 minutes each), Seventh Tradition collection, closing with reminder of anonymity, optional Promises and affirmations, closing prayer [source: Basic Meeting Format]. Meeting types: open share, topic, Step or Tradition study, speaker; at least one Step study a month is recommended [source: Basic Meeting Format; Newcomers Package]. Online and phone meetings run around the clock [source: CoDA UK professionals page].
Movement criteria. None formal. Cues CoDA names: having attended about six meetings (ready to ask for a sponsor); finishing the 14 days (choose roughly five bottom-line behaviours to track, then find a Steps sponsor) [source: Sponsorship in CoDA; 14-Day notes].

B. Clinician framework [synthesis; structure adapted from TSF manual]

Phase	Goal	Typical length	Move on when
1. Assess fit and safety	Decide whether relational patterns, not only a partner's behaviour, are the focus; screen for intimate partner violence, active suicidality, untreated trauma or substance use	1–2 sessions	Client sees CoDA as one option, safety plan in place if needed
2. Prepare and link	Explain format and etiquette, address objections, agree a first meeting	1 session	Client has a named meeting, day and time
3. Trial (≈6 meetings)	Client samples different meetings; review each in session	3–6 weeks, 10–15 min at the start of each session (TSF uses this review slot)	Client chooses to continue or not; either outcome is acceptable
4. Integrate	Use Patterns, boundaries work, Step writing and sponsorship as material in therapy; keep roles distinct	Ongoing alongside therapy	Client has sponsor or stable meeting home; therapy goals shift to own work
5. Taper	Therapy ends or spaces out; fellowship continues as long-term support	Variable	Client's relapse-prevention plan names meetings, sponsor and warning patterns

3. Guiding principles

Fellowship principles (as CoDA publishes them)

Only requirement is a desire for healthy, loving relationships. No diagnosis or referral needed; never tell a client they "qualify" [source: What is CoDA?].
Non-professional, peer support. Members and phone-list contacts are not therapists; a sponsor is not a therapist [source: Newcomers Package; Sponsorship in CoDA]. Clinical needs stay with you.
Self-diagnosis, not labelling. CoDA gives no diagnostic criteria; the client decides whether the patterns fit [source: What is CoDA?].
Share only your own experience; no crosstalk. No advice, fixing, debating, answering for others, interrogating, minimising, or unwanted touch [source: Basic Meeting Format; Healthy Meetings]. Prepare clients that no one will respond to their share.
"I" statements; "I pass" is always acceptable. Sharing is optional [source: Healthy Meetings].
Anonymity and confidentiality. Restated at every close [source: Basic Meeting Format]. It is a group norm, not a legal protection [synthesis].
Higher Power of one's own understanding. Spiritual, not religious; members define it themselves [source: What is CoDA?; Newcomers Package].
Suggestions, not rules; own pace. No right or wrong way to work the programme [source: Newcomers Package; Sponsorship in CoDA].
Attraction rather than promotion. Find someone "who has what you want" and ask how they got it [source: Newcomers Package].
Group conscience and rotating trusted servants. Leaders serve, they do not govern; problems are handled openly, without shaming, principles before personalities [source: Healthy Meetings].
No opinion on outside issues; self-supporting. CoDA takes no position on therapies or outside organisations and uses Conference-endorsed literature [source: Healthy Meetings]. Do not expect endorsement of your approach.
Abstinence from obsessive, compulsive relationship behaviour is listed as the first Tool of Recovery [source: Newcomers Package]. Help the client define what this means concretely for them.

Clinician principles [synthesis unless tagged]

You are not the sponsor. Help the client find one; do not take the role [source: TSF manual].
Attendance is the client's choice. Never make therapy conditional on meetings; TSF does not terminate clients who refuse [source: TSF manual].
Safety outranks programme language. "Powerless over others" never means staying in danger; CoDA's own Recovery Patterns include leaving unsafe situations [source: Recovery Patterns].
Keep the frames separate. Meeting norms (no feedback) differ from therapy (active feedback); name the difference.
Respect the fellowship's autonomy. Don't ask sponsors for reports or try to steer groups; liaise only with the client's written consent.
Check fit, not just willingness. Spiritual language, group settings and shame sensitivity vary; offer alternatives when CoDA does not fit.

4. Intervention inventory

Part A covers the fellowship's own practices as CoDA publishes them. The clinician does not run these, but needs to know them well enough to prepare the client and to use the material in therapy. Part B covers clinician procedures for working alongside CoDA [synthesis unless tagged]. CoDA's Steps, Traditions, Promises, Preamble, prayers and pattern lists are copyrighted; they are paraphrased here. Give clients the official free pamphlets from coda.org or the national CoDA site rather than copies of your own.

Part A. Fellowship practices

A1. Attending a CoDA meeting

Purpose / when: the core vehicle of the fellowship: identification, modelling and support between sessions. For clients whose relational patterns (caretaking, people-pleasing, control, avoidance) recur across relationships.
Steps (what the client will experience): (1) Welcome and request to silence phones; moment of silence and an opening prayer. (2) Readings by volunteers: Preamble, Welcome, the Steps and Traditions, optionally the Patterns. (3) People at their first to third meeting are invited to give a first name; there may be applause, a welcome chip or newcomer packet. (4) Announcements and service roles. (5) A speaker or literature reading of 10–15 minutes. (6) Reading of the sharing guidelines and crosstalk statement. (7) Open sharing, often 3–5 minutes each, signalled by a timer or a tap. (8) Voluntary Seventh Tradition collection. (9) Close: anonymity reminder, optional Promises and affirmations, closing prayer [source: Basic Meeting Format].
Example language (illustrative): "You can say only your first name, or just that you're here to listen. Nobody will comment on what you say, which can feel odd at first."
Watch for: relief at being understood (good sign); shame at the newcomer welcome; reading the prayer as religious coercion. Working: client can describe one share they identified with.

A2. Sharing and no-crosstalk

Purpose / when: practising speaking about oneself without seeking approval, and listening without fixing. CoDA itself cites "no crosstalk" as an example of a healthy boundary [source: Establishing Boundaries].
Steps: share from one's own experience in "I" statements; keep to a fair share of time; "I pass" is always fine; do not give feedback, advice, answer for others, debate, criticise, interrogate, minimise others' feelings or touch without consent; anyone may raise crosstalk with an "I" statement; the chair or experienced members manage it [source: Basic Meeting Format; Healthy Meetings]. Many groups display a "For Safety Sake" sign listing these norms [source: Healthy Meetings].
Example language (illustrative): "For someone who always looks after other people's reactions, saying three minutes about yourself and getting no response is the exercise itself."
Watch for: client experiences the silence as rejection; client breaks crosstalk to rescue someone (a live example of the pattern, useful in therapy). Working: shares become more about self, less about the partner.

A3. Choosing meeting types

Purpose / when: matching format to stage. Open or topic shares and speaker meetings suit newcomers; Step or Tradition study suits those working the programme [source: Newcomers Package; Basic Meeting Format]. Focused meetings for particular backgrounds and 24/7 online meetings exist [source: CoDA UK professionals page].
Steps: use the official meeting finder on coda.org or the national site; try at least six different meetings before deciding [source: Newcomers Package]; note which format felt safest.
Example language (illustrative): "Try two in-person and two online, then tell me which one you'd go back to."
Watch for: online-only use as a way to avoid contact; one bad meeting generalised to all of CoDA.

A4. Self-evaluation with the Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

Purpose / when: honest self-diagnosis, CoDA's entry point. Useful early in therapy as a shared language.
Steps: the client reads the official list (five categories: Denial, Low Self-Esteem, Compliance, Control, Avoidance; expanded in 2010 from an original 22 items in four categories) and marks the patterns they recognise [source: Newcomers Package; Wikipedia]. Example themes, paraphrased: trouble naming feelings or minimising them; harsh self-judgement and trouble accepting praise; giving up values or staying too long in harmful situations to avoid conflict; believing others cannot manage without them and offering unrequested advice; keeping intimacy at a distance or communicating indirectly [source: Recovery Patterns of Codependence]. Each has a paired recovery pattern (e.g. naming feelings as they arise; trusting one's own judgement; leaving unsafe situations; offering help only when asked; communicating directly) [source: Recovery Patterns].
Example language (illustrative): "Which three of these did you recognise straight away, and which one made you want to argue with it?"
Watch for: self-attack ("I'm all of them"); using the list on the partner instead of oneself. The list is not a validated diagnostic scale; a separate 38-item research checklist (Whitfield, 1991) exists [source: Wikipedia; uncertain].

A5. Recovery Patterns Check-In (Awareness, Acceptance, Action)

Purpose / when: a brief daily reflection tool (2023 "I" and "We" versions) supporting Steps Ten and Eleven, Step Four writing, Step Seven, group conflict, and noticing shame or fear spirals [source: Patterns Check-In Tool].
Steps: (1) a few minutes daily, often with meditation; (2) begin by asking how one is feeling today; (3) for a pattern that showed up, move through Awareness (notice its effects), Acceptance (bring in Higher Power, be gentle, ask why it persists) and Action (choose the recovery behaviour, which may include pausing or resting); (4) write if helpful; (5) talk it over with a sponsor or trusted CoDA friend; (6) use the matching recovery statement as an affirmation when stuck. The "We" version is for group inventories and needs every participant's consent. A numbered alternative, the CoDA Canada Recovery Patterns Progress Scale (2011), is Conference-endorsed [source: Patterns Check-In Tool].
Example language (illustrative): "Bring one check-in a week and we'll look at the Action column together."
Watch for: the check-in turning into a self-punishment ritual; perfectionism about doing it daily.

A6. Temporary newcomer sponsorship and the First 14 Days

Purpose / when: orientation and early connection for newcomers.
Steps: some groups offer a temporary sponsor for the first six meetings who attends at least one meeting with the newcomer, tells their story, explains CoDA's structure, tools and service, and encourages finding a permanent sponsor [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]. CoDA Canada's version runs by email: one reflection question at a time, about 14 in all, finished in 3–4 weeks, with a phone call around question five. Themes run in order: the Preamble and Welcome; isolation and enmeshment; the Patterns list; picking the ten most relevant codependent behaviours with examples; Step One; the boundaries pamphlet; frequency of patterns; affirmations; shame; control, avoidance and fear; self-care; enmeshment, detachment and avoidance; self-parenting; finally two lists (obvious and subtle behaviours) and choosing about five bottom-line behaviours to track for several months (triggers, effects on self and relationships) with the sponsor. The temporary sponsor gives brief thanks rather than feedback and may stop if the newcomer goes silent for long periods [source: 14-Day Temporary Sponsor notes].
Example language (illustrative): "When you've picked your five bottom-line behaviours, would you be willing to bring that list here too?"
Watch for: the shame and family-of-origin questions can stir trauma; time them with therapy.

A7. Sponsorship (including co-sponsorship and sponsor groups)

Purpose / when: one-to-one guidance through the Steps and Traditions by a more experienced member who shares experience and models recovery [source: Sponsorship in CoDA].
Steps: after about six meetings, listen for members whose shares make sense to you; talk with one or two by phone or in person to test whether you feel safe; then ask. A refusal is not rejection (sponsors may have limits). Look for someone who lives the Steps, respects your pace, points out codependent behaviour kindly, listens patiently, and with whom romantic or sexual attraction will not arise. Where experienced members are scarce, two members may co-sponsor each other, or one sponsor may guide a sponsor group meeting weekly or fortnightly. To end a sponsorship, say why, face to face or in a note [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]. Sponsees may share journal entries, a Fourth Step inventory or letters to family [source: Newcomers Package].
What a sponsor is not: an advice-giver, rescuer, harsh critic, therapist, or someone who uses the relationship for romantic, sexual, professional or financial gain [source: Sponsorship in CoDA].
Example language (illustrative): "What did you notice about how they listened? Did you feel you had to perform for them?"
Watch for: client picks a sponsor to caretake; sponsor gives directive advice or acts as therapist (see section 5).

A8. Working the Twelve Steps in writing

Purpose / when: the programme's main change process; studied (literature, Step meetings) and applied in daily life, in order on the first pass, then revisited when patterns recur [source: Importance of Working the Steps, member account].
Steps: with a sponsor, at one's own pace, thoroughly. Suggested writing: an autobiography for Step One; inventories for Step Four; a list of people harmed for Step Eight; guided questions from the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions Workbook [source: Newcomers Package]. Paraphrased themes: Step One, admitting powerlessness over others (one member adds that others have no power to make you feel or act a certain way) [source: Importance of Working the Steps]; Steps Two and Three, a Higher Power of one's own understanding; Steps Four to Seven, honest inventory and admission; Steps Eight and Nine, amends (one member counts oneself among those harmed); Steps Ten to Twelve, daily inventory, prayer and meditation, carrying the message [source: What is CoDA?; Importance of Working the Steps].
Example language (illustrative): "Your Step Four is meant as self-discovery, not a case for the prosecution. Shall we look at what you wrote about yourself versus about others?"
Watch for: one member's account notes codependents often struggle to name what they are "addicted" to, so inventories go vague; recommend guidance so the inventory does not become self-punishment [source: Importance of Working the Steps]. Amends to an abusive person: see section 5.

A9. Establishing boundaries (CoDA's four-step method)

Purpose / when: separating one's own feelings, needs and responsibilities from others'; internal boundaries (with oneself) first, then external ones [source: Establishing Boundaries].
Steps: (1) Identify the need by listening to feelings; anger, feeling used, or guilt often signal one. Ask what you need right now. (2) State the boundary aloud to the other person, or to yourself. (3) Listen to objections as long as they are respectful. (4) Restate and hold it; if reconsidering, do so later, away from pressure. Boundaries can be too rigid (blocking intimacy) or too weak (being used, life unmanageable), and may be redefined without guilt. Domains named: spiritual, social, sexual, physical, emotional, intellectual. Member examples include giving a worrying thought a set time before sleep, and limiting phone-call length. Practice scenarios include unannounced visits by a parent, loan requests, pressure on dates, a partner's lateness or spending, and someone monologuing when you need to leave [source: Establishing Boundaries]. Call a sponsor if unsure [source: Establishing Boundaries].
Example language (illustrative): "Let's rehearse step three: I'll object respectfully, and you just listen and then restate it."
Watch for: boundaries used as ultimatums to control the other (CoDA's own check: am I trying to control them?); escalation risk with a coercive partner (section 5).

A10. The Tools of Recovery

Purpose / when: daily supports between meetings [source: Newcomers Package].
Steps: CoDA Canada lists ten: abstinence from obsessive, compulsive relationships; sponsorship; meetings; telephone (phone lists of peers, not professionals); anonymity; literature; writing; service; fellowship (socialising after meetings); prayer and meditation [source: Newcomers Package; Healthy Meetings].
Example language (illustrative): "Which two tools could you use this week when the urge to rescue him comes up?"
Watch for: "abstinence" defined so broadly it means avoiding all closeness; help the client make it specific and behavioural [synthesis].

A11. Affirmations and self-parenting

Purpose / when: countering internalised negative messages. Meetings may close with affirmations; CoDA publishes a Prayers & Affirmations booklet; the 14-day process includes affirmations and self-parenting reflections [source: Basic Meeting Format; Newcomers Package; 14-Day notes].
Steps: the client notices a negative message, reflects on where it came from, reads an affirmation or recovery-pattern statement, and notes how it feels and what would change if they believed it [source: 14-Day notes; Patterns Check-In Tool].
Example language (illustrative): "When the affirmation feels false, that's information. Whose voice says it isn't true?"
Watch for: affirmations that trigger shame ("I can't even believe this"); pair with cognitive or compassion work [synthesis].

A12. Service and group conscience

Purpose / when: belonging, practising teamwork, communication and boundaries [source: Newcomers Package].
Steps: small tasks first (chairs, coffee, greeting newcomers), then rotating roles (chair, secretary, treasurer, literature, group service representative); monthly business meetings where every member present has voice and vote, aiming for consensus [source: Healthy Meetings; Newcomers Package].
Example language (illustrative): "Notice whether you volunteered because you wanted to or because no one else did."
Watch for: service as a new arena for over-responsibility and resentment; one member's account says frustration with others' participation is a cue for self-inventory [source: Importance of Working the Steps].

Part B. Clinician procedures

The TSF manual was built for AA and alcohol problems; everything below is an adaptation to CoDA and is [synthesis] except where tagged.

B1. Assessing fit and safety before referral

Purpose / when: before suggesting CoDA, to decide whether a peer Twelve Step group suits this client now.
Steps: (1) Map the relational pattern across relationships (family, partners, friends, work), not only the current partner. (2) Screen for intimate partner violence and coercive control; if present, safety planning and specialist domestic-abuse services come first, and CoDA is at most an adjunct. (3) Screen for suicidality, active trauma symptoms, substance use, eating problems; treat or refer as indicated. (4) Explore attitudes to groups, spiritual language and the word "codependent"; CoDA leaves self-diagnosis to the member, so do not apply the label [source for last point: What is CoDA?]. (5) If a family member's addiction is the main issue, also mention Al-Anon or Nar-Anon; CoDA itself is not limited to addiction [source: Information for Professionals]. (6) Offer CoDA as one option among others (individual therapy, other peer groups, secular support).
Example language (illustrative): "Some people with the pattern you're describing find a peer group called CoDA useful. It isn't therapy and it isn't for everyone. Would it help to hear what happens there?"
Watch for: the client agreeing to please you (the pattern itself); a coercive partner who forbids or monitors attendance.

B2. Preparing the client for a first meeting

Purpose / when: reduce dropout after one meeting; TSF coaches clients on what to expect, may role-play, and arranges an escort through local members rather than driving clients itself [source: TSF manual].
Steps: (1) Give the official Your First Meeting leaflet, written partly for clients of professionals [source: Newcomers Package; CoDA UK professionals page]. (2) Walk through the format (A1), the no-crosstalk norm, first-name-only introductions, optional sharing and voluntary contributions. (3) Name that prayers are said and the Higher Power is self-defined. (4) Rehearse saying "I'm new and I'd just like to listen" and "I pass." (5) Agree a specific meeting, day and time, written down (TSF records commitments in a journal [source: TSF manual]). (6) Suggest arriving early or calling the meeting contact first [source: Newcomers Package]. (7) Plan for after the meeting: one self-care action.
Example language (illustrative): "What's the worst thing you imagine happening in that room? Let's plan for it."
Watch for: high social anxiety (start with an online meeting with camera off, if the meeting allows it); trauma reactions to group settings.

B3. Reviewing meeting experiences in session

Purpose / when: keep the fellowship work connected to therapy. TSF opens each session with a 10–15-minute review of meetings attended, reactions and readings, and explores reasons for missed meetings without penalty [source: TSF manual].
Steps: (1) Ask which meetings, what was heard, what was identified with, what was hard. (2) If the client kept a journal of meetings and reactions (TSF suggests one), review it [source: TSF manual]. (3) Link one identification to a therapy goal. (4) Set the next attendance intention.
Example language (illustrative): "Whose share stayed with you, and what part of your own story did it touch?"
Watch for: reports only about others; over-attendance used to avoid home or feelings.

B4. Coaching the search for a sponsor

Purpose / when: after about six meetings [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]. TSF has the therapist explain the sponsor's role, help the client define what they want, and never take the role themselves [source: TSF manual].
Steps: (1) Review CoDA's criteria (A7). (2) Have the client name two or three people whose shares resonated. (3) Rehearse asking, and rehearse hearing a no. (4) Discuss attraction and power: CoDA advises a sponsor with whom romance will not arise [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]. (5) Agree how the client will tell you about sponsor contact without the sponsor becoming a third party in therapy.
Example language (illustrative): "If they say no, what story will you tell yourself, and what's another version?"
Watch for: choosing someone who needs rescuing; idealising the sponsor and devaluing the therapist, or the reverse.

B5. Using CoDA material in therapy

Purpose / when: once the client is working the programme, to deepen and personalise it.
Steps: (1) Use the client's Patterns marks or bottom-line behaviours (A4, A6) as target behaviours for monitoring. (2) Rehearse the four-step boundary method (A9) with role play, including respectful objections. (3) Read Step writing together only if the client wishes; process shame and trauma that surface; check that Step Four work is self-discovery not self-punishment [source for that framing: Importance of Working the Steps]. (4) Plan amends with a safety lens (section 5). (5) Translate programme language into therapy language and back, so the client sees the overlap.
Example language (illustrative): "Your sponsor talks about 'caretaking'; here we've called it 'the alarm that goes off when he's upset.' Same thing?"
Watch for: conflicting advice between sponsor and therapist; resolve by exploring what the client thinks, not by ruling on who is right.

B6. Attending an open meeting yourself

Purpose / when: to understand what you are referring to. CoDA welcomes professionals at open meetings [source: Information for Professionals].
Steps: choose an open meeting; introduce yourself by first name only and do not mention your profession; sharing is optional; give no advice; avoid meetings your clients attend [source for first three: Information for Professionals; last point synthesis].
Watch for: accidental dual relationships; if you meet a client, agree in the next session how to handle it.

B7. Linking with the fellowship and resources

Purpose / when: keeping current materials and meeting lists. CoDA offers free pamphlets, an Information for Professionals brochure and contact through its world service office and national public-information teams [source: Information for Professionals; CoDA UK professionals page].
Steps: obtain current meeting lists and leaflets (Welcome to CoDA, Am I Codependent?, Establishing Boundaries in Recovery, Communications and Recovery, Your First Meeting) from the official site; keep a small list of local and online meetings; do not request reports from members or groups.
Watch for: outdated meeting lists; unofficial literature presented as CoDA's.

B8. Involving a partner or family member

Purpose / when: when a partner is willing. TSF holds two conjoint sessions to educate the partner and suggest they try six Al-Anon meetings [source: TSF manual]. Adapted to CoDA [synthesis]: explain what the client is doing in CoDA, that "detaching" and boundaries are not rejection, and suggest the partner's own support if wanted.
Steps: client's consent; agenda agreed beforehand; explain programme in plain terms; invite questions; no couples work if there is violence or coercion.
Example language (illustrative): "When she says no to a request now, she's practising something, not punishing you."
Watch for: partner uses CoDA language as a weapon ("you're just being codependent"); escalation after boundary-setting.

5. Handling problems

CoDA's own guidance covers problems inside meetings and sponsorship. Almost all clinician-side guidance is [synthesis], some adapted from the TSF manual.

Stuck clients

Attends but nothing changes; shares only about the partner. Use the Patterns or bottom-line list to pick one behaviour of the client's own to track for two weeks; review in session [synthesis, using tools from 14-Day notes]. Ask what they would share if the partner were not in the story.
Endless Step One or Step Four. CoDA sets no timeline [source: Importance of Working the Steps]; in therapy, explore whether perfectionism or fear of what comes next is holding it, and whether the sponsor relationship is working [synthesis].

Resistance and objections

"It's religious." Explain that the Higher Power is self-defined and CoDA calls itself spiritual, not religious [source: Newcomers Package; What is CoDA?]. Offer to compare meetings; some feel less prayer-heavy than others [uncertain: varies by group]. If still unacceptable, drop it and offer a secular alternative [synthesis].
"I'm not codependent" / shame at the label. CoDA does not require the label; membership needs only the desire for healthier relationships [source: What is CoDA?]. Focus on specific patterns instead of the word [synthesis].
"Those people aren't like me" / one bad meeting. CoDA suggests at least six different meetings before deciding [source: Newcomers Package]. TSF treats such objections respectfully and explores them rather than arguing [source: TSF manual]. Note: TSF interprets avoidance as denial; with codependence clients this framing can feel blaming, so explore rather than interpret [synthesis].

Overwhelm

Flooded by others' trauma stories or by Step writing. Slow the Step pace (CoDA endorses one's own pace [source: Newcomers Package]); set an internal boundary such as a time limit on writing (CoDA's internal-boundary idea [source: Establishing Boundaries]); add grounding skills and process material in therapy; consider fewer meetings or speaker meetings for a while [synthesis].
Shame spirals. The Check-In Tool names shame and fear spirals as a use case and asks for gentleness in the Acceptance stage [source: Patterns Check-In Tool]; in therapy add compassion-focused or cognitive work [synthesis].

Non-adherence

Never make therapy conditional on attendance; TSF does not terminate clients for refusing meetings [source: TSF manual]. Explore reasons (logistics, anxiety, partner control, values), negotiate a smaller step (one online meeting, reading one pamphlet), and accept a decision not to go [synthesis].

Ruptures

Client feels pushed into CoDA by you. Name it, apologise for any pressure, return choice to the client. For people-pleasers, compliance with your suggestion can repeat the pattern; ask directly whether they went for you or for themselves [synthesis].
Client prefers the sponsor's view to yours, or vice versa. Avoid competing. Explore what each relationship gives them; therapy and sponsorship have different roles [synthesis; CoDA states a sponsor is not a therapist, source: Sponsorship in CoDA].

Modality-specific difficulties

Crosstalk or disruptive members. CoDA's route: raise it with an "I" statement, rely on the chair, or ask for a non-shaming group conscience at the business meeting; groups try to solve it themselves first [source: Healthy Meetings]. With the client, rehearse an "I" statement or plan to try another meeting [synthesis].
Predatory behaviour or "thirteenth stepping". CoDA defines manipulating someone into an emotional, financial or sexual relationship as against its values and names newcomers as most vulnerable; any member may speak privately with the person or ask for a group conscience without naming names; groups may add a definition to their format; meetings in private homes are discouraged [source: Healthy Meetings]. Clinician: ask newcomers about approaches after meetings, especially offers of rides, money or romance; help them leave that meeting; if a crime or a safeguarding concern for a vulnerable adult or child is involved, follow your local reporting duties [synthesis].
Sponsor overstepping (directing, shaming, therapising, romantic or financial involvement). These breach CoDA's own description of sponsorship; the client may end it, face to face or by note [source: Sponsorship in CoDA]. Help them practise doing so [synthesis].
"Powerless over others" used to justify staying in danger. Clarify that CoDA's own recovery pattern is leaving situations unsafe for oneself [source: Recovery Patterns]. Prioritise a safety plan and specialist services [synthesis].
Boundary-setting with a coercive or violent partner. CoDA's four steps assume a respectful other; stating a boundary can raise risk. Assess risk first and plan safety before any confrontation [synthesis].
Amends to someone who harmed the client. One member's account puts one's own needs first and suggests revisiting earlier Steps and seeking guidance if fear of a reaction drives the decision [source: Importance of Working the Steps, member account]. In therapy: amends need not mean contact; written or indirect forms and safety review first [synthesis].
Meetings or service becoming a new compulsion (daily rescuing of members, phone-list overuse). Explore through the Control patterns; CoDA notes service should be voluntary and resentment is a cue for self-inventory [source: Importance of Working the Steps]; set limits like any other boundary [synthesis].
Confidentiality limits. Anonymity is a group principle, not legally protected; advise clients what to share in large or online meetings, especially regarding custody, criminal matters or employers [synthesis].
Suicidality or self-harm disclosed only at meetings or to a sponsor. Phone-list contacts and sponsors are not professionals [source: Newcomers Package]. Ensure the client's crisis plan names professional and crisis-line contacts, follow standard risk assessment and safety planning, and include lethal-means counselling (safe storage or removal) where relevant [synthesis].
Teenagers. CoDA has a teen strand (CoDAteen) with its own literature [uncertain: seen in search results only]. For minors, check the group's age policies and your safeguarding duties [synthesis].
Using CoDA language against others (partner or client calling each other "codependent"). Return to self-focus: CoDA's patterns are for self-evaluation, and advice is offered only when asked [source: Recovery Patterns].

Sources

Sources:

Books and manuals cited:

Nowinski, J., Baker, S., & Carroll, K. M. (1992; reprinted 1999). Twelve Step Facilitation Therapy Manual. Project MATCH Monograph Series Vol. 1, NIH Pub. No. 94-3722. NIAAA.
Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. Co-Dependents Anonymous (the "CoDA Book" / Blue Book) and Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions Workbook. CoRe Publications. Not drawn on here [uncertain].

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