Adlerian play therapy

1. Introduction

Version followed: Terry Kottman and Kristin Meany-Walen, Partners in Play: An Adlerian Approach to Play Therapy, 3rd edition (American Counseling Association, 2016), using the book's structure as its publisher's front matter and supplement show it. Session counts and fidelity rules come from the CEBC profile of the Treatment Manual for Adlerian Play Therapy – Revised (Kottman, Meany-Walen, Parson & Dillman Taylor, 2021, unpublished; the manual itself is not drawn on). Sandtray procedures come from Kottman's 2023 article on Adlerian sandtray. The full book chapters and the manual are not drawn on, so where step detail goes beyond what the sources state, it is marked [synthesis] or [uncertain]. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; CEBC; Kottman 2023]

Adlerian play therapy (AdPT) applies Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology to play therapy. Its authors developed it mainly for children aged about 3–10, and they say it also suits teens, adults and families. It treats children as socially embedded, goal-directed, subjective and creative. A child's misbehaviour serves a purpose, such as attention, power, revenge or proving inadequacy. It grows from the child's lifestyle, meaning the convictions the child has formed about self, others and the world, some of them mistaken (private logic). [source: CEBC; CT interview 2016]

How change happens: the therapist builds an egalitarian relationship and then works out the child's lifestyle. The therapist helps the child (and the parents and teachers) gain insight into it, then teaches and rehearses new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. The approach rests on the belief that children can make new choices and reinterpret situations. That lets them change lifestyle patterns, gain more social interest and find constructive ways to belong and feel significant. [source: CT interview 2016; K&MW 2016 front matter; CEBC]

Adlerian terms used in this guide are the tradition's own constructs and are attributed accordingly. Lifestyle, social interest, private logic, mistaken beliefs, personality priorities and life tasks come from Adlerian psychology. The goals of misbehaviour (attention, power, revenge, inadequacy) are presented in AdPT as Adlerian goals. The four Crucial Cs (connect, capable, count, courage) were developed by Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner and adopted by Kottman. These constructs organise the clinician's thinking. They are not diagnostic categories. [source: CT interview 2016; ACA supplement]

Related guides: tracking, restating content and reflecting feelings (4.1–4.3) overlap with 157 Child-centred play therapy, which treats them in more depth; 158 Non-directive and integrative play therapy (BAPT) covers UK practice routes; 168 Prescriptive play therapy covers combining AdPT with other models. [synthesis]

2. Framework

Professional frame and prerequisites

Who may deliver it: CEBC lists the provider requirement as a master's degree in a mental health field, with the provider either licensed or working towards licensure under supervision. [source: CEBC]
Model-specific training: the League of Extraordinary Adlerian Play Therapists (LEAPT) runs Beginning and Advanced Adlerian Play Therapy courses. Each gives 35 CE hours plus 5 hours of supervision. LEAPT is an Association for Play Therapy (APT) Approved Provider (no. 99-055) and an NBCC-approved CE provider. The Beginning course requires Partners in Play (3rd ed.) as reading. Competence is benchmarked by fidelity scores on the Adlerian Play Therapy Skills Checklist (AdPTSC): at least 70% for Phases 1–3 and 50% for Phase 4 after the Beginning course, and 85% (Phase 1) and 80% (Phases 2–4 and parent/teacher consultation) after the Advanced course. The cited pages describe no separate AdPT certification, only CE hours. [source: LEAPT Beginning; LEAPT Advanced]
General play therapy credential: in the US the usual route is APT's Registered Play Therapist credential. In the UK the relevant bodies include BAPT and Play Therapy UK (PTUK). [uncertain: these credentials; confirm current requirements with each body.] Kottman's own advice is to get solid play therapy training that includes observed sessions with children and feedback before adopting an approach. [source: CT interview 2016]
Do not use without training: the approach depends on trained skills that are scored for fidelity, and the sources tie competence to supervised playroom practice. Do not deliver it under the AdPT name without the coursework and supervision. [synthesis]

Children: consent, assent, safeguarding, parents

Consent and assent: get written informed consent from whoever holds legal authority for the child. Explain the playroom, confidentiality and its limits, recording, parent/teacher consultation and the touch policy. Get the child's own age-appropriate assent, for example: “This is a room where kids play and talk with me. You can choose a lot of what we do; there are a few safety rules. Is it OK to give it a try?” (illustrative). Revisit assent if the child is distressed about coming. [synthesis]
Who consents to consultation: AdPT expects regular parent and/or teacher consultation [source: CEBC; K&MW 2016 front matter]. Get consent before talking with teachers. Tell the child in general terms what will and won't be shared. Share themes and strategies, not the child's play content in detail. [synthesis]
Safeguarding and mandatory reporting: reporting duties differ by jurisdiction. In the US they are set by state law. In the UK they follow statutory guidance and local safeguarding-partnership procedures, and other countries have their own rules. Know your local threshold, route and timescale before the first session, and explain the limits of confidentiality to both carer and child at the start. If a child discloses harm, or you see indicators of it, listen without leading or probing for detail. Write down the child's own words, follow your reporting procedure the same day, and consult your designated safeguarding lead or supervisor. Do not investigate, and do not confront the alleged perpetrator. [synthesis]
Play is not evidence: treat play themes, sandtrays and drawings as material for building hypotheses about the child's lifestyle. Kottman says figures carry no fixed meaning and the client supplies the meaning [source: Kottman 2023]. Never treat play content as diagnostic evidence of abuse. It can prompt a safeguarding concern, which you handle through the procedures above, not through interpretation. [synthesis]
Separated or conflicted families: for a child who moves between two homes, check who holds parental responsibility, whose consent is needed and who receives feedback. [synthesis]

Touch and physical safety

APT's Paper on Touch (2019 revision) sets out these practices [source: APT touch 2019]:
- Get written guardian consent to touch policies, with examples, and treat consent as ongoing.
- Ask the child's permission before touching in trauma-related work.
- Document any unplanned touch: who started it, how you handled it and the outcome.
- Consider how the child's culture and trauma history shape the meaning of touch.
- Keep child-initiated touch purposeful and proportionate, and set boundaries if it becomes a problem.
- Sexual or erotic contact with a child is always wrong. Stop sexualised touch at once, set the boundary and stay alert to subtle coercion.
- Use restraint only after every preventive step has failed, then document it and inform caregivers.
In AdPT, physical limit-setting follows the four-step limit process in section 4, and you redirect before any touch. Never use touch to manage a power-seeking child. That turns the limit into a power contest. [synthesis]
Materials: choose toys with no small parts for children under 3 or for any child who mouths objects, no sharp edges, and no glass or breakable mirrors. Keep play foam weapons light, clean sand regularly, keep water to the agreed limit and mop spills to prevent falls. Anchor shelving so climbing children can't pull it over. Check for allergies (latex balloons, food-based clay, sand dust) and keep the room uncluttered for active games. [synthesis] Kottman allows any tray size or material and recommends generic plus evocative miniatures, such as superheroes and video game characters. [source: Kottman 2023]

The four phases

Therapist directiveness increases across the phases. The child leads most of Phase 1, and the therapist leads more in Phases 3–4. [source: LEAPT Beginning] Typical format: one 50-minute session a week, or two 30-minute sessions, for 8–16 weeks, delivered individually or in groups. There is no homework component for the child. Parent and/or teacher consultation runs throughout. Settings include outpatient clinics, community agencies and schools. [source: CEBC] The phases overlap. Relationship building never stops, and lifestyle information keeps arriving after Phase 2. [synthesis]

Phase	Goal	Typical sessions	Main therapist activity
1. Building an egalitarian relationship	Connection, equality, safety, child as partner	1–4	Tracking, restating, reflecting, metacommunicating, returning responsibility, encouragement, limits, cleaning the room together
2. Exploring the child's lifestyle	Understand how the child sees self, others, world; build conceptualisation and treatment plan	4–6	Observing play; questions to child, parents and teachers; drawings and sandtrays; noticing
3. Helping the child gain insight	Child (and adults) see patterns, purposes, mistaken beliefs	4–6	Metacommunication (incl. lifestyle and bridging), spitting in the soup, metaphors/stories, art, sand, movement, adventure, immediacy, confrontation, humour
4. Reorienting–reeducating	Teach and practise new ways of thinking, feeling, behaving; terminate	4–6	Brainstorming, problem-solving, direct teaching of social and negotiation skills, rehearsal in the playroom; termination activities

[source: CEBC session ranges; K&MW 2016 front matter for techniques; Kottman 2023]

Parent and teacher consultation runs the same four phases with the adults: (a) build a relationship with them; (b) explore their lifestyles and how they see the child's lifestyle; (c) help them gain insight; (d) reorient and reeducate them in encouragement, behaviour management and communication. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter] The book's lifestyle tools include questions for parents, teachers and children, and the conceptualisation can include the parents' own personality priorities and Crucial Cs. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; ACA supplement cheat sheet] Consultation frequency is not given in the sources [uncertain]. A workable default is a brief check-in at each session plus a longer consultation every 2–4 sessions. [synthesis]

Criteria for moving between phases (the sources give session ranges, not formal criteria, so these are [synthesis]):

1 → 2: the child enters the room readily, plays freely, accepts limits without lasting rupture, and shows some sense of partnership, such as inviting you into play or accepting responsibility you return.
2 → 3: you can write a tentative conceptualisation covering each element below, the child's play has shown recurring themes, and the parents' or teachers' reports converge with what you observe.
3 → 4: the child shows signs of recognition, such as a smile, an embarrassed laugh, a correction of your guess, or spontaneous comments about their own pattern. Adults can describe the child's goal and their own reaction to it.
4 → ending: the child uses new skills in the playroom and adults report them elsewhere, the presenting concern has eased, and adults are using encouragement consistently. Plan the ending with the child and use termination activities.

Lifestyle conceptualisation elements (from the book's chapter and supplement headings, the Kottman 2023 article and LEAPT objectives):

culture
family atmosphere
family constellation / psychological birth order
Crucial Cs
personality priorities (superiority, control, pleasing, comfort)
goals of misbehaviour
life tasks (school, friendship, love/family, self, spirituality/existential)
assets
lifestyle convictions (I am…, others are…, the world is…, my behaviour must be…)
mistaken beliefs and private logic
early recollections
problem-solving, communication, self-regulation, emotion-management and friendship skills

[source: ACA supplement; Kottman 2023; LEAPT Advanced] The book provides forms for the lifestyle conceptualisation and treatment plan, skills checklists for parents, teachers and therapists, and session summary and progress forms. These are not drawn on here. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]

3. Guiding principles

Egalitarian partnership. You and the child are partners, as in the book's title. Practically, share power: let the child decide much of what happens, invite them to lead, and never talk down. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; CT interview 2016]
All behaviour is purposeful. Behind each misbehaviour, ask what it gets the child, whether attention, power, revenge or being left alone (inadequacy). Respond to that goal, not only to the act. [source: CEBC; ACA supplement]
Social embeddedness and social interest. Read problems as attempts to belong. Success means the child finds useful ways to belong and contribute. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; CEBC]
Lifestyle and private logic. The child acts as if certain convictions were true. Your job is to find and gently challenge those convictions, not just to fix behaviour. [source: Kottman 2023; K&MW 2016 front matter]
Strengths first (encouragement). Assets are part of every conceptualisation. Name effort, improvement and strengths in every session, tailored to the child's Crucial Cs and personality priority. [source: CT interview 2016; K&MW 2016 front matter]
Encouragement, not praise. Focus on the deed, not the doer, and on effort and improvement. Show faith in the child and model the courage to be imperfect. Avoid evaluative labels and “but” statements. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7, citing Dinkmeyer, Dinkmeyer & Sperry 1987]
Creativity and self-determination. Children can make new choices and reinterpret events. Treat insight and choice as possible at any age, and adapt the medium to the child's developmental level. [source: CT interview 2016; K&MW 2016 front matter]
Tentativeness. Offer interpretations as guesses the child may correct. Kottman: “These trays should always be invitations, not mandates or pronouncements.” Don't get attached to the child agreeing with you. [source: Kottman 2023]
Flexible directiveness. Move along the continuum, following the child early on and leading more later. Pick the stance for the phase rather than one fixed style. [source: LEAPT Beginning]
Adults are part of the system. Parents and teachers are consulted throughout, and you explore their lifestyles too. Don't run AdPT as child-only work. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; CEBC]
Cultural humility. Culture shapes lifestyle and belongs in the conceptualisation and treatment plan. Ask about culture, heritage and experiences of being treated badly because of it. [source: LEAPT Advanced; Kottman 2023]
Therapist self-awareness. Your own lifestyle and personality priority affect how you work with particular children and parents. Notice your reactions. Your feelings also help identify the child's goal. [source: LEAPT Advanced; ACA supplement]
Limits as teaching. Limits exist for safety, self-control and responsibility. They are set calmly and matter-of-factly, at the moment they are needed, not as a list of rules at the start. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7]
Fidelity. The model is checked with the AdPTSC, and the manual treats adherence above 90% as faithful delivery. Record your sessions and score yourself or get supervision. [source: CEBC]

4. Intervention inventory

The book's preface names the skills and techniques for each phase. The front matter gives the names, and step-level detail only for limit-setting, encouragement and the sandtray applications. For the other techniques, the step-by-step instructions are standard play-therapy practice arranged to fit the AdPT phase goals [synthesis], unless a source tag says otherwise. All example wording is illustrative unless quoted. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]

Phase 1: Building an egalitarian relationship

4.1 Tracking

Purpose: show the child you are paying attention without leading. Use it mainly in Phase 1, and in all phases while the child plays. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; Kottman 2023 lists tracking as a main stance during tray creation]
Steps: describe what the child is doing, in neutral words and without naming objects the child hasn't named (say “that one”, not “the dinosaur”). Keep it short, a few times a minute, matching the child's pace. Don't evaluate. [synthesis]
Example language: “You're moving that one over there.” “You're filling it all the way up.” (illustrative)
Watch for: keep the rate down so it doesn't sound like a running commentary. It is working if the child keeps playing comfortably and starts to show or tell you things.

4.2 Restating content

Purpose: reflect back what the child says, to show understanding and support the partnership. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: paraphrase the child's words briefly, keeping the child's own labels and metaphors. Don't add interpretation. [synthesis]
Example language: Child: “The bad guys are winning.” Therapist: “Right now the bad guys are on top.” (illustrative)
Watch for: parroting word for word. It is working if the child elaborates.

4.3 Reflecting feelings

Purpose: name the child's feelings, including those shown by toys and characters, to build emotional vocabulary and connection. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: name the obvious surface feeling first, and deeper ones later in the relationship. Reflect a character's feeling while the child stays in metaphor. Be tentative. [synthesis]
Example language: “You're frustrated that tower keeps falling.” “That little horse seems scared.” (illustrative)
Watch for: the child correcting you, which is useful information and fits AdPT's tentative stance.

4.4 Metacommunicating (relationship level)

Purpose: comment on the communication behind what is happening, such as the child's reactions, nonverbal cues or patterns in the session. This builds the habit early that you notice and wonder aloud. It becomes the main insight tool in Phase 3. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; LEAPT Beginning]
Steps: notice a reaction or nonverbal cue, such as a glance at you after breaking a rule or checking whether you approve. Name it briefly and tentatively, then let it go. [synthesis]
Example language: “You looked over to see what I'd say about that.” (illustrative)
Watch for: comments that sound like accusations. Keep them light in Phase 1.

4.5 Returning responsibility to the child

Purpose: build capability and courage by letting the child do and decide what they can. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: when the child asks you to do or decide something they could manage, hand it back, either for the decision (“you can decide”) or the action (“show me how you could…”). Help with things truly beyond the child's ability, and offer to do them together as a partner. [synthesis]
Example language: “That's something you can decide in here.” “You can figure out how to open it. I'll hold this end if you want.” (illustrative)
Watch for: children with a pleasing or inadequacy pattern may freeze. Break the task down and encourage effort.

4.6 Questioning

Purpose: gather information and invite the child to tell you about their world. It continues into lifestyle exploration. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: ask mostly open, curious questions, sparingly, and not during absorbed play. Kottman advises few questions while a child is making a sandtray. [source: Kottman 2023] Use the child's metaphor when you ask about characters. [synthesis]
Example language: “What happens next to that guy?” (illustrative)
Watch for: the child goes quiet or plays less. Ask fewer questions.

4.7 Role-playing / joining the play

Purpose: take part in the child's play as a partner, which expresses equality and lets you see the child's interpersonal patterns up close. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: when invited, take the role the child gives you. Ask the child how your character should act or speak, and follow the child's direction, especially in Phase 1. Later you can shape the role to bring out lifestyle themes. [synthesis] [uncertain: the book's exact procedure]
Example language: “What should my character say now?” (illustrative)
Watch for: a child who controls you completely or tries to hurt your character. That is information about their goals. Note it, and set limits if real harm is possible.

4.8 Encouragement

Purpose: build the child's sense of being capable, connected, counting and courageous, tailored to their Crucial Cs and personality priority. It runs through all phases. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps [source: Kottman slides ch6–7, citing Dinkmeyer, Dinkmeyer & Sperry 1987, except where marked]:
1. Show faith: show excitement at reported victories and notice small improvements.
2. Recognise effort, not only results.
3. Focus on strengths, using questions about what the child does well and what others like about them. Use multiple-intelligences ideas to help adults see strengths and redefine the child.
4. Comment on behaviour without labelling the child, and avoid “but”.
5. Credit the useful parts of behaviour and acknowledge the feelings and purpose behind negative behaviour.
6. Use mistakes for learning, with prompts such as “What can you do next time?” and “How could you fix it to be the way you want it?” Step in only if the child reacts badly to the mistake.
7. Put the child in the expert role, for example teaching you a game.
8. Tailor it [synthesis, based on the book's stated aim]: a child low on capable gets effort and skill comments; low on connect gets comments on belonging; low on count gets comments on their contribution and impact; low on courage gets comments on trying and taking risks.
Example language: “You kept working on that even when it fell down twice.” “You figured out a new way to do that.” “You know a lot about that game. Can you teach me?” (illustrative)
Watch for: evaluative praise (“good girl”, “perfect”). Discouraged children may reject encouragement or escalate after it. Keep it specific and low-key.

4.9 Limit setting (four steps)

Purpose: create safety and security, build self-control and the ability to come up with alternatives, and build responsibility for rules and consequences. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7]
Which limits: absolute limits are session time, property damage, and harm to the child, the therapist or others. Relative limits are set case by case, such as the amount of water in the sand, throwing certain objects, and climbing or jumping. Set a limit just before the behaviour happens, not as a list of rules in advance. Keep a calm voice, posture and face, and a matter-of-fact tone. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7]
Steps [source: Kottman slides ch6–7]:
1. State the limit in a non-judgemental, impersonal way. [wording guidance in the book; uncertain]
2. Reflect the feeling and guess the purpose of the behaviour.
3. Generate alternatives and redirect, with the child. Ask the child to come up with acceptable alternatives, and negotiate. Use concrete wording for both the limit and the alternatives.
4. Logical consequences if the child keeps breaking the limit. Agree them with the child where possible. They should be related, realistic, reasonable (usually a restriction for the rest of that session, with a fresh chance next time) and respectful, offered as a choice, in a friendly and matter-of-fact tone.
Example language: (1) “In here, people aren't for hitting.” (2) “You're really mad at me. I'm guessing you want to show me you're the boss.” (3) “What could you hit instead that's OK in here? … The bop bag? Yes.” (4) “If you choose to hit me again, you're choosing to be done with the bat for today. You decide.” (illustrative)
Watch for: a power-seeking child will try to turn limits into a contest. Stay neutral and give a choice, not an ultimatum. If you feel angry, read it as information about the child's goal (see 4.15).

4.10 Cleaning the room together

Purpose: an AdPT-specific relationship technique that expresses partnership, shared responsibility and contribution. LEAPT also teaches when to involve a particular child and when not to. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; LEAPT Beginning; LEAPT Advanced]
Steps: about 5 minutes before the end, say that cleanup time is coming. Then invite the child to pick up together, with the child deciding who picks up what. Clean up alongside the child, track and encourage, and treat refusals with the limit-setting steps. Use judgement about when to leave this out, for example a very young child, a session ending in distress, or a child for whom it would just be another power struggle. [synthesis] [uncertain: the book's detailed criteria]
Example language: “It's time to pick up. Which things do you want to do, and which should I do?” (illustrative)
Watch for: how the child shares the work is lifestyle information. Notice whether they control, please, avoid or give up.

4.11 Relationship sandtrays

Purpose: introduce the child and therapist to each other and establish equality. [source: Kottman 2023]
Steps: offer non-directed or semi-directed trays, such as introducing yourself, a general “my world” tray, things that interest you, what you know about coming to counselling, or things that bug you or that you like. Therapist-directed options are you introducing yourself to the child, explaining how sandtray works, or showing your understanding of the presenting problem. You can also make a co-created tray of “things we have in common.” With parents, use a “My Child's World” tray and compare it with the child's. Kottman's prompts include picking figures that attract or repel you, or for young children figures that are “cool” or “gross or yucky.” Process using the seven-step guideline (prepare, introduce, create, experience and rearrange, tour, process, document), then dismantle in the way the client chooses. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: “Make a world in the sand that shows me about you. Use any figures you like.” (illustrative)
Watch for: pressure to rearrange, especially for children with a pleasing priority. Offer rearranging as a chance, never as a correction. [source: Kottman 2023]

Phase 2: Exploring the child's lifestyle

4.12 Observation and noticing in free play

Purpose: collect lifestyle data from how the child plays, relates, handles limits and cleans up. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; LEAPT Beginning]
Steps: keep using the Phase 1 skills while you take note of recurring themes, who wins or loses, how the child handles frustration, mistakes, rules and your requests, and what the child does to belong. Use the “noticing” form of metacommunication: point to features of a tray or play scene without touching them, say “I notice…”, then wait quietly. [source: Kottman 2023] After the session, note themes against each lifestyle element. [synthesis]
Example language: “I notice that all the figures except this one are very small.” [source: Kottman 2023, quoted]
Watch for: if the child doesn't respond to a noticing, move on. If the child consistently doesn't respond, you can offer gentle guesses. [source: Kottman 2023]

4.13 Lifestyle questions (child, parents, teachers)

Purpose: gather information about family constellation, family atmosphere, school, friendships, strengths, discipline and the child's view of self and others. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter, Appendices]
Steps: the book has separate lifestyle question sets for parents, teachers and children (not drawn on; I don't reproduce them). With children, weave a few questions into play or ask them through a puppet or character instead of interviewing. With parents and teachers, use an intake interview and follow-ups. [synthesis] Cover each conceptualisation element listed in section 2.
Example language: to a child, using a puppet: “What's the best thing about being the oldest in your family? What's the hardest?” (illustrative)
Watch for: reports from different adults that diverge, which is useful data on family atmosphere. A child who disengages when questioned. Use projective media instead.

4.14 Kinetic drawings with Adlerian questioning

Purpose: explore family and school relationships and the child's place in them through drawings of people doing something. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter, Appendix: Adlerian questioning strategies for kinetic drawings]
Steps: ask for a drawing of the family (or class) doing something. Then ask about each figure, what they are doing, thinking and feeling, and what happens next, linking the answers to lifestyle elements. [uncertain: the book's question list; this sequence is general kinetic-drawing practice]
Example language: “Draw everybody in your family doing something.” “What is this person thinking? What would happen if…?” (illustrative)
Watch for: use drawings to form hypotheses only. Don't treat placement, size or omissions as diagnostic signs. [synthesis]

4.15 Identifying the goal of misbehaviour

Purpose: work out which goal the child's misbehaviour serves (attention, power, revenge or proving inadequacy) so that your responses, encouragement and parent advice target it. [source: CEBC; ACA supplement]
Steps: (1) Notice your own feeling when the child misbehaves, and ask parents and teachers about theirs. (2) Notice how the child responds to correction. (3) Match the pattern:
- Power: adults feel angry, challenged or threatened, or drawn into a power struggle. Corrected, the child escalates or resists harder. [source: ACA supplement]
- Revenge: adults feel hurt and want to withdraw or get even. Corrected, the child becomes more hurtful. [source: ACA supplement]
- Attention: adults typically feel annoyed or irritated, and the child stops briefly when corrected, then starts again. [uncertain: the general Adlerian pattern]
- Inadequacy: adults typically feel hopeless or want to give up, and the child does little or nothing. The supplement's “Very Discouraged” handout covers these children. [uncertain: cue]
Use child trays about what gets them into trouble, what happens next, how adults react, and how they get attention. Use trays about feeling in control versus out of control. Have parents show how they feel when the child misbehaves and how the child reacts to correction. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: to a parent: “When he refuses, what happens inside you? Mostly annoyed, angry, hurt, or like giving up?” (illustrative)
Watch for: goals can shift between settings. Note the goal in each setting (home, school, playroom) rather than forcing one label.

4.16 Assessing the Crucial Cs

Purpose: gauge how far the child feels connected, capable, that they count, and courageous, to target encouragement and skill-building. [source: CT interview 2016; K&MW 2016 front matter, Appendix: informal assessment of the Crucial Cs]
Steps: use the book's informal assessment (not drawn on, so no items are given here). Add observation: does the child try new things, link up with you, believe they can master tasks, and feel valued without earning it? Kottman's tray prompts: capable, things they're good at or proud of; courage, giving up or handling fear and worry; connect, friends and how to make or keep them; count, their contributions and impact at home or school. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: “Make a tray about the things you're really good at.” (illustrative)
Watch for: a child may show high capability in one domain and low in another. Record which context each applies to.

4.17 Personality priorities

Purpose: identify the child's (and the parents') main priority (comfort, control, superiority or pleasing) so you can tailor encouragement and consultation. [source: ACA supplement; LEAPT Advanced]
Steps: use Kottman's tray themes: comfort, what stresses them; control, frustration when things don't go as expected and ways of avoiding loss of control; superiority, how they prove they're good enough; pleasing, how they avoid rejection. [source: Kottman 2023] Check against observed play and adult reports. Apply the same lens to parents' priorities, which LEAPT teaches for use in consultation. [source: LEAPT Advanced]
Example language: “Show me in the sand what happens when things don't go the way you planned.” (illustrative)
Watch for: the clash between parent and child priorities, such as a control-priority parent with a control-priority child, is often central to the conflict. [synthesis]

4.18 Family constellation, family atmosphere and culture trays

Purpose: explore birth order, family climate and cultural identity as lifestyle influences. [source: Kottman 2023]
Steps: birth order: a tray about what it's like to be in their position, and what's best or hardest about it. Family atmosphere: trays on how the family handles conflict, solves problems, shows love, sets rules, holds values, and who is in charge. Culture: trays on their culture, heritage or race; how people outside their culture treat them; cultural stories, music, food and traditions; and times someone was treated badly because of their culture. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: “Make a tray that shows what happens in your family when people disagree.” (illustrative)
Watch for: in disclosures about family conflict, listen for safeguarding concerns (section 2). Approach discrimination topics with cultural humility and without assumptions.

4.19 Assets, mistaken beliefs and private logic trays; early recollections

Purpose: map the child's strengths and their discouraged convictions. [source: Kottman 2023; ACA supplement]
Steps: assets: trays about what they like about themselves and how others (teachers, friends, grandparents, parents) see them positively. Mistaken beliefs and private logic: trays about what they tell themselves about self, others and the world when discouraged. [source: Kottman 2023] Early recollections are on the conceptualisation sheet [source: ACA supplement]. With older children, ask for an early memory and the feeling in it and what stood out. [uncertain: the procedure]
Example language: “What's the earliest thing you can remember? What happened? What part stands out most?” (illustrative)
Watch for: write convictions in the child's own terms (I am…, others are…, the world is…).

4.20 Lifestyle conceptualisation and treatment plan

Purpose: turn the information you've gathered into hypotheses and a plan for the child, parents and teachers. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter, Ch. 8 and forms]
Steps:
1. Summarise each element: culture, family atmosphere, constellation, Crucial Cs, personality priority, goal(s), life tasks, assets, convictions, mistaken beliefs, private logic and skills. [source: ACA supplement; LEAPT Advanced]
2. Write the child's lifestyle convictions.
3. Set goals for the child, such as which mistaken beliefs to target, which Crucial Cs to strengthen, and which skills to teach.
4. Set goals for the parents and teachers.
5. Choose the Phase 3 and Phase 4 techniques that fit this child's interests and developmental level.
6. Share an adapted summary with the parents. [steps 3–6: synthesis following the book's stated structure]
Example language: to a parent: “What I'm seeing is that he seems to believe he only counts when he's in charge.” (illustrative)
Watch for: a plan that only targets behaviour. AdPT targets convictions and belonging.

Phase 3: Helping the child gain insight

4.21 Metacommunication and tentative hypotheses (four types)

Purpose: the main Phase 3 skill. It brings patterns out of the child's blind spot into shared awareness, and LEAPT gives the Johari Window as the rationale. LEAPT names four types: here-and-now (in this moment), across sessions (patterns over sessions), lifestyle (convictions, goals, priorities) and bridging (linking the playroom to life outside). Lifestyle metacommunications increase as therapy goes on. [source: LEAPT Beginning; LEAPT Advanced; K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: (1) Start with here-and-now comments. (2) Once a pattern repeats, comment on it across sessions. (3) Offer lifestyle hypotheses tentatively, about the goal, the conviction or what the behaviour gets the child. (4) Bridge to home, school or friends when the child seems ready. (5) Accept correction or a non-response and move on. [synthesis built on the named types; Kottman 2023 for moving on when the child doesn't respond]
Example language: here-and-now: “You smiled when the baby got in trouble.” Across sessions: “Every time we play a game, you change the rules so you win.” Lifestyle: “I'm wondering if you think kids only matter when they're the boss.” Bridging: “I wonder if that's what happens with your sister too.” (illustrative)
Watch for: a recognition reflex (a grin, an embarrassed laugh, a sudden stop), a correction, or a protest. All of these are information. If you are getting lots of defensive denial, you may be going too fast or speaking too directly.

4.22 Spitting in the soup

Purpose: make a self-defeating pattern less appealing by naming it, so the child can't keep using it without noticing. [source: Kottman 2023]
Steps: with gentle humour, point out that the child is “acting as if” a mistaken belief or private logic were true, and that it isn't. Or name a self-defeating behaviour that isn't working any more. Do this only when the relationship is solid and the pattern has been seen several times. [source: Kottman 2023; timing: synthesis]
Example language: “There you go again acting as if you have to be perfect or it doesn't count. Hmm, I've seen you make a mistake and still be a great builder.” (illustrative)
Watch for: shame or withdrawal means you went too hard. Repair (section 5) and go back to encouragement.

4.23 Therapeutic metaphors and mutual storytelling

Purpose: reach insight indirectly through a story that parallels the child's situation. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; Kottman 2023]
Steps: Kottman's sandtray-based options are these. Co-create an imaginary story that resembles the child's difficulty. Tell a story about a character whose goals of misbehaviour resemble the child's, showing that the character gets needs met in unhelpful ways. Or build a maze or obstacle course with a figure for the child and ask the child to find solutions. [source: Kottman 2023] Mutual storytelling as named in the book: the child tells a story, you ask about characters and meaning, then you retell it with the same characters and setting but with a more constructive ending or a different way of belonging. [uncertain: the book's exact steps; this follows the widely used mutual-storytelling format]
Example language: “Once there was a lion cub who thought the only way to be noticed was to roar the loudest…” (illustrative)
Watch for: stay inside the metaphor if the child does, and follow the child if they move between the metaphor and real life. [source: Kottman 2023]

4.24 Therapist-created and directed insight trays

Purpose: show a pattern visually. [source: Kottman 2023]
Steps: build a tray of how you think the child sees themself, how the child gains significance in negative ways, or a specific problem and what stops it being solved. Present it as your guess and invite the child to correct or change it. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: “I made a tray about how I'm guessing things are for you at school. Tell me what I got wrong, and change anything.” (illustrative). Kottman: trays are “invitations, not mandates or pronouncements.” [source: Kottman 2023]
Watch for: pleasing-priority children who agree just to please you. Check by inviting changes again later.

4.25 Drawing and art

Purpose: an insight medium for children who express themselves visually. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: set a directed drawing that targets a lifestyle theme (for example, me when I'm discouraged, or what I tell myself when things go wrong). Ask about it, then metacommunicate about the pattern. [synthesis] [uncertain: specific book exercises]
Example language: “Draw what goes on inside you right before you blow up.” (illustrative)
Watch for: perfectionism about drawing quality. Encourage effort, not results.

4.26 Dance and movement; adventure techniques

Purpose: body-based and active routes to insight, and a chance to see courage, cooperation and control patterns as they happen. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; CT interview 2016 lists movement, dance and active games]
Steps: use cooperative challenges (such as moving a balloon together without hands, or a trust-walk with a scarf guide), then process what happened in Adlerian terms, such as who led, who gave up, and how it felt to depend on someone. [synthesis] Physical safety: a clear floor, soft objects, no blindfolds with children who have trauma histories without discussing it first, and a touch-free option for every activity. [synthesis; touch principles: APT touch 2019]
Example language: “What did you notice about who was in charge of the balloon?” (illustrative)
Watch for: over-arousal, and stop and regulate if it happens. Any activity involving touch needs the child's permission and an easy way to opt out.

4.27 Immediacy

Purpose: use the here-and-now relationship between you and the child to show the child's pattern. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: name what is happening between you two, and your reaction if appropriate, without blame. [synthesis]
Example language: “Right now I'm feeling pushed to argue with you, and I'm guessing that's what happens with lots of grown-ups.” (illustrative)
Watch for: keep the focus on the pattern, not on your own feelings for their own sake.

4.28 Confrontation

Purpose: point out discrepancies between what the child says and does, or between goals and outcomes. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: state the discrepancy gently and factually, then ask the child's view. [synthesis]
Example language: “You said you want friends, and you just knocked down his tower. How do those fit together?” (illustrative)
Watch for: revenge-goal children may feel attacked. Pair confrontation with clear encouragement.

4.29 Humour

Purpose: lighten insight work and model the courage to be imperfect. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; Kottman 2023, where humour is used in spitting in the soup]
Steps: use playful exaggeration of a pattern or self-deprecating humour about your own mistakes. Never make the child the butt of the joke. [synthesis]
Example language: “Oh no, I made a mistake. I guess the world will end now… oh wait, it didn't!” (illustrative)
Watch for: children who hear humour as mockery, particularly revenge-goal or very discouraged children.

Phase 4: Reorienting–reeducating

4.30 Brainstorming and problem-solving

Purpose: generate new ways of handling situations that the child used to manage through misbehaviour. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Steps: (1) Name a real problem, either one the child brings or one from the conceptualisation. (2) List lots of possible solutions together without judging them. (3) Think through the consequences of each. (4) Have the child choose one and plan when to try it. (5) Review it the next session. [synthesis on steps] In the sand, set up a situation where a new behaviour would help and have the child show what they would do. [source: Kottman 2023]
Example language: “Let's think up as many ways as we can for when your brother takes your stuff, even silly ones.” (illustrative)
Watch for: the child adopting your ideas just to please you. Ask which idea the child really thinks would work.

4.31 Direct teaching of social and other skills

Purpose: teach skills the child is missing, including friendship, anger management, anxiety management, time management, communication, assertiveness and negotiation. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; Kottman 2023]
Steps: teach either directly (explain, model and practise) or indirectly through stories, puppets or modelling in the tray. Model the skill in a tray, then have the child practise it in a tray. You can also ask the child to show how they wish their family or class would resolve conflicts. [source: Kottman 2023] Use the playroom as the practice space. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter]
Example language: “Let me show you how my puppet asks to join a game. Now your puppet tries.” (illustrative)
Watch for: practising without generalising. Bridge each skill to a specific setting and tell parents and teachers which skill to cue.

4.32 Negotiation practice in the playroom

Purpose: give power-seeking and control-priority children a constructive way to get influence. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter; Kottman slides ch6–7 on practising negotiation within limit-setting]
Steps: use real playroom decisions (which game, rule changes, cleanup roles) to practise proposing, listening, compromising and agreeing. Point out the success when it works. [synthesis]
Example language: “You want to play cards and I want to play catch. How could we work it out so we're both OK?” (illustrative)
Watch for: the child testing whether you will keep the deal. Keep agreements reliably.

4.33 Puppet consultation and role-play rehearsal

Purpose: put the child in the expert or helper role and rehearse new behaviour. [source: Kottman 2023]
Steps: a puppet with a problem like the child's asks the child for advice. Afterwards, ask whether that advice might work for the child too. Role-play difficult situations with the child taking the new behaviour, then swap roles. [source: Kottman 2023 for puppet consultation; role-play rehearsal: synthesis]
Example language: puppet: “I always get in trouble for yelling at recess. What should I do?” (illustrative)
Watch for: advice the child gives fluently but can't use themselves. Bridge gently.

4.34 Termination activities

Purpose: consolidate gains and end in an encouraging way. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter, Ch. 10; Kottman 2023]
Steps: use trays that sum up the therapy journey, sum up the tools learned and how the child will use them, and show the assets the child now “owns.” [source: Kottman 2023] Give advance notice of the number of sessions left and agree the ending with parents. [synthesis]
Example language: “Make a tray that shows how things were when you started coming here and how they are now.” (illustrative)
Watch for: regression near the end, which is common. Normalise it and reflect it rather than extending therapy automatically. [synthesis]

Parent and teacher consultation

4.35 Consultation with parents and teachers (four phases)

Purpose: change the adult systems that maintain the child's discouraged patterns. [source: K&MW 2016 front matter, Ch. 4; CEBC]
Steps [source for structure: K&MW 2016 front matter]:
1. Relationship: build rapport. Normalise their frustration and encourage the parent too.
2. Explore the adults' lifestyles and their view of the child. This covers their personality priorities and Crucial Cs. [source: ACA supplement cheat sheet; LEAPT Advanced] Kottman's “My Child's World” parent tray, compared with the child's tray, is one route in, as are parent trays showing how they feel when the child misbehaves. [source: Kottman 2023]
3. Insight: help them see the goal of the child's misbehaviour, using their own feelings as a guide, and how their responses may feed it.
4. Reorient and reeducate: teach encouragement, behaviour management (including limits and logical consequences, as in 4.9) and communication skills. The book has skills checklists for parents and teachers (not drawn on).
Goal-specific handouts: the publisher's supplement has parent handouts on Connect, Capable, Count, Courage, Power, Revenge and the Very Discouraged child. Each describes the child and lists parent strategies, activities and books. Use or adapt them, citing the source. [source: ACA supplement]
Example language: “When you notice yourself getting really angry, that's often a sign he's looking for power. Let's practise giving him two choices you can live with instead of a command.” (illustrative)
Watch for: parents who feel blamed. Lead with assets and with the parent's own Crucial Cs. With teachers, keep suggestions brief and workable in the classroom.

4.36 Group Adlerian play therapy

Purpose: AdPT can be delivered in groups, and a single-case study (Meany-Walen, Bullis, Kottman & Dillman Taylor, 2015) used it with children with off-task classroom behaviour. [source: CEBC; UCF STARS record]
Steps: group size, composition and session structure are [uncertain]. If you adapt it, use the four phases with small groups of similar-age children, apply limit-setting to peer interactions, and use metacommunication about group patterns, such as who leads, who rescues and who withdraws. [synthesis]
Example language (illustrative): "I notice that when Jake starts telling everyone what to do, Mia goes quiet. I wonder what happens in this group when someone takes charge." [synthesis]
Watch for: peer aggression and scapegoating. Screen out children who can't yet keep peers safe.

5. Handling problems

The sources address only some of these directly: dealing with non-response to noticing, avoiding pressure on pleasing children, keeping insight work as invitations, limits and consequences, and goal-specific parent strategies. Everything else here is my synthesis and is marked as such.

The child won't enter the room or separate from the parent. Let the parent come in for the first session or two and sit to one side. Give the child choices, such as which toy to start with or whether the door stays open. Track and encourage any approach. Agree with the parent when they will leave. [synthesis]
Power struggles over limits. Don't argue or try to win. Go back through the four steps: state the limit, reflect the feeling and guess the purpose, have the child come up with alternatives, then offer a choice with a logical consequence limited to this session and a fresh start next time. Keep your tone friendly and matter-of-fact. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7] If you notice anger in yourself, read it as a power-goal signal and step back from the contest. [source: ACA supplement; response: synthesis]
Repeated rule-breaking. Use a consequence when the child breaks the same rule again. LEAPT teaches when to bring consequences in [source: LEAPT Advanced]. Keep the consequence related to the behaviour and offered as a choice. [source: Kottman slides ch6–7] Look at whether the room has too many tempting objects for this child, and remove them between sessions rather than adding limits. [synthesis]
Revenge-goal hurtfulness (insults, attacks on you or your things). Don't withdraw or retaliate, which is the pull the supplement describes. Set limits on harm, reflect the hurt underneath, and keep showing reliability across sessions. Ask the adults to avoid punitive escalation. [source: ACA supplement for adult reactions; responses: synthesis]
A very discouraged or inadequacy-goal child who does nothing. Lower the demands. Do things alongside the child, give tiny tasks the child can succeed at, and encourage effort and every small step. Avoid questions that put the child on the spot. Use the supplement's Very Discouraged handout with parents. [source: ACA supplement; responses: synthesis]
Silence or no response to metacommunication. Move on. If the child consistently doesn't respond, offer guesses based on what you know of their patterns, or switch to metaphor, sand or story. [source: Kottman 2023] Check the timing: lifestyle comments made before the relationship is established tend to land as criticism. [synthesis]
The child rejects your hypothesis. Accept the correction. Kottman says not to become attached to the client agreeing with you [source: Kottman 2023]. A protest that comes with a grin is often recognition. Note it and return to it later rather than pressing. [synthesis]
Pleasing children who agree with everything or rearrange a tray to please you. Offer rearranging as a chance, not a criticism [source: Kottman 2023]. Comment on the pattern itself: “I notice you change things whenever I say anything about them” (illustrative). [synthesis]
Overwhelm or dysregulation during insight or trauma-related play. Stop the insight work. Go back to Phase 1 skills, reflect the feeling, offer a calming activity and give the child control over what happens next. Stay inside the metaphor if the child is using it [source: Kottman 2023 on staying in metaphor]. For children with significant trauma symptoms, pace exposure to traumatic material, coordinate with any trauma-focused treatment, and talk with caregivers and your supervisor. The APT touch paper recommends extra vigilance against retraumatising the child. [source: APT touch 2019; rest: synthesis]
Ruptures (the child feels shamed by spitting in the soup or confrontation, or is angry at a consequence). Name it and own your part: “I think what I said felt bad. I didn't mean you're bad” (illustrative). Return to encouragement and the partnership, and slow down the insight work. Model the courage to be imperfect. [synthesis; encouragement premises: Kottman slides ch6–7]
Parents don't follow through (non-adherence). Look for the goal behind it: the parent may be discouraged, tired or in their own power struggle. Use the parent's personality priority to pitch suggestions, for example offering control-priority parents choices and structure and giving comfort-priority parents small low-effort steps [source: LEAPT Advanced teaches using parent priorities; specific pairings: synthesis]. Encourage every partial success, and cut the plan down to one or two strategies. [synthesis]
Parents want a quick behaviour fix, or want you to punish the child. Explain the purposeful-behaviour model using their own feelings as evidence. Offer one concrete encouragement strategy and one logical-consequence strategy for home, then review them. [synthesis]
Teachers have limited time. Keep consultation short. Give one goal-specific strategy, such as two choices for a power-seeking child or a classroom job for a child who needs to count, and check in by brief note or call. [synthesis]
Stuck in Phase 2 (endless data, no plan). Write a draft conceptualisation by session 6, as the session ranges allow [source: CEBC]. Mark the gaps as hypotheses and start Phase 3 with low-intensity metacommunications. [synthesis]
No progress by mid-treatment. Re-score your fidelity on the skills checklist [source: CEBC; LEAPT]. Review the conceptualisation with your supervisor, particularly the parents' patterns. Check whether factors outside therapy are maintaining the problem, such as school placement, family conflict or safeguarding issues, and consider other or additional treatment. [synthesis]
Disclosures or indicators of harm during play. Pause the therapeutic agenda. Respond calmly and without leading questions, record the child's words, and follow your local reporting procedure (section 2). Don't build interpretations from the play content. Tell the child, in age-appropriate terms, what you have to do next. [synthesis]
Sexualised play or touch. Set the limit at once and calmly, redirect, and document what happened. Consult your supervisor and consider safeguarding. The APT touch paper says sexualised touch must be stopped and boundaries set. [source: APT touch 2019; rest: synthesis]
Child bolts, climbs or self-endangers. Use verbal limits and environmental controls first. Use physical intervention only for imminent danger and only as a last resort. Document it and tell the caregivers. [source: APT touch 2019]
Cultural mismatch (for example, family norms about adult authority clash with egalitarian partnership). Explore the family's cultural meaning of child–adult roles. Frame partnership as respect rather than permissiveness, and include culture in the treatment plan. [source: LEAPT Advanced on cultural humility; framing: synthesis]
Your own lifestyle gets in the way (for example, you have a control priority and the child is power-seeking). Notice the pull, take it to supervision, and use LEAPT-style self-examination of your lifestyle. [source: LEAPT Advanced; synthesis]
Older children or teens who find toys babyish. Use sandtray, art, games, movement or talk-based Adlerian techniques. The authors say the approach also works with adolescents and adults. [source: CT interview 2016; Kottman 2023 on sandtray across ages]

Sources

Sources:

Partners in Play, 3rd ed.: front matter (ACA): table of contents, preface listing phase skills and techniques, consultation structure. [cited as K&MW 2016 front matter]
Partners in Play 3e Supplement (ACA): parent handouts (Crucial Cs, Power, Revenge, Very Discouraged) and the Adlerian Play Therapy cheat sheet. [cited as ACA supplement]
Kottman, T. (2023). Adlerian Applications of Sandtray Play Therapy (World Association of Sand Therapy Professionals journal, Vol. 1, No. 3); record at Texas State Digital Library. [cited as Kottman 2023]
Behind the book: Partners in Play (Counseling Today, 2016): interview with Kottman and Meany-Walen. [cited as CT interview 2016]
Kottman chapters 6–7 slides: encouragement and limit setting (FAU faculty page): teaching slides based on a Kottman text, edition not stated [uncertain], citing Dinkmeyer, Dinkmeyer & Sperry (1987). [cited as Kottman slides ch6–7]
CEBC: Adlerian Play Therapy (AdPT): phases, session counts, format, training, manual citation, fidelity. [cited as CEBC]
LEAPT: Beginning Adlerian Play Therapy and LEAPT: Advanced Adlerian Play Therapy: course content, metacommunication types, fidelity benchmarks. [cited as LEAPT Beginning / LEAPT Advanced]
Association for Play Therapy: Paper on Touch (2019 revision). [cited as APT touch 2019]
Psychotherapy.net: Adlerian Play Therapy (video with Terry Kottman): video listing, a demonstration resource.
UNI ScholarWorks: Meany-Walen, Bratton & Kottman (2014), Effects of Adlerian Play Therapy on Reducing Students' Disruptive Behaviors, Journal of Counseling & Development 92(1), 47–56: abstract only.
UCF STARS: Meany-Walen, Bullis, Kottman & Dillman Taylor (2015), Group Adlerian Play Therapy With Children With Off-Task Behaviors, Journal for Specialists in Group Work 40(3), 294–314: abstract only.