Atlas›Domain XV · Nature, philosophy, social & rites of passage›Guide 121
Guide XV-121

Secular congregations

Sanderson Jones, Pippa Evans, Mike Aus, Helen Stringer2013London
A 32 · L 52 · M 1621 interventions in the Trinity explorer
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[source: …] where a claim comes from[uncertain] not confirmed in a primary source[synthesis] the writer's reconstruction

1. Introduction

Version followed: secular congregations as their own bodies describe them. That means the Sunday Assembly (its "our mission" page), the Oasis Network (the World Religions and Spirituality Project profile, 2016), Conway Hall Ethical Society (Humanist Heritage), and the community services of Humanists UK. Ceremony structure follows the National Association of Funeral Directors' guide to humanist funerals. Therapeutic ritual follows van der Hart and Goossens (1987) on leave-taking rituals, and Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting (1988) as summarised in a journal review.

Secular congregations are not a psychotherapy. They are non-religious communities that keep some of the forms of congregational life: regular gatherings with music, talks, readings, shared values, small groups, mutual help and life-cycle ceremonies, without worship or supernatural belief.

  • Sunday Assembly. Founded by the comedians Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans as a secular, inclusive gathering similar to church and open to people of any belief. Its first meeting was on 6 January 2013 at The Nave in Islington, London, with almost 200 people. More than 40 assemblies now operate independently. The values are "Live Better, Help Often, Wonder More". [source: Sunday Assembly, our mission]
  • Oasis Network. Co-founded in 2014 by Mike Aus and Helen Stringer. It grew from Houston Oasis, which Aus founded in Houston in September 2012 out of a local atheists' Meetup group. Its stated core values include "People are More Important Than Beliefs", "Reality is Known Through Reason", "Human Hands Solve Human Problems", "Meaning Comes from Making a Difference" and "Be Accepting and Be Accepted". The profile refers to six values but lists five. [source: WRSP Oasis Network profile, Bromley and Uphoff 2016]
  • Conway Hall Ethical Society. Began as a nonconformist congregation in the late eighteenth century, met at South Place Chapel from 1824, and moved from a Unitarian congregation to a secular ethical society. Conway Hall opened in 1929. Sunday Concerts have run since 1887, and the Conway Memorial Lecture has been given annually since 1910. [source: Humanist Heritage, Conway Hall]
  • Humanists UK. Provides humanist ceremonies (funerals, weddings, namings and civic ceremonies), pastoral support (with the Non-Religious Pastoral Support Network, in hospitals and prisons), local groups, Faith to Faithless for people leaving religion, and networks such as LGBT+ Humanists, Young Humanists and the London Humanist Choir. [source: Humanists UK, Community Services]

How change is thought to happen. The bodies frame their benefit as belonging, being valued, practical ideas for living, mutual help and shared wonder. [source: Sunday Assembly, our mission] One six-month panel study followed 92 Sunday Assembly members. It found that taking part in small-group activities positively influenced wellbeing, more strongly among men, while social activities outside the Assembly did not. Members said the informal socialising before and after the main event mattered most for friendship. [source: Price and Launay 2018, Brunel repository record] For the therapist, the active ingredients are connection, routine, values-based action and ritual marking of life transitions. The work is assessing what the client needs, helping them find and use a community, and working with the meaning of ceremonies and rituals they author. [synthesis]

2. Framework

The congregations publish formats, not phases. The phases below are a therapist-side arc for integrating a client's involvement into therapy. [synthesis] None of the sources gives a session count for this work. Session counts are given only for van der Hart's ritual method (below).

What the bodies publish about format

  • Sunday Assembly: songs, inspiring talks, readings, games and community connection. Smaller member-run gatherings are where the page says most lasting bonds form. Sunday Assembly London, the original and largest, meets at Conway Hall on the first and third Sunday of each month and live-streams to YouTube. [source: Sunday Assembly, our mission]
  • Oasis: a weekly Sunday-morning meeting with original music by local musicians, a "community moment" in which a member speaks on a topic, a coffee mix-and-mingle, a main presentation by a member or guest, and closing music, with children's activities alongside. Talk topics have included secular humanism, empathy and stories of people who left their churches. Each Oasis is independent, and all follow a shared code of conduct that prohibits harassment, discrimination, disruptive behaviour and illegal activity. The founders mentor new groups with starter kits. Oasis describes itself as not anti-theist. [source: WRSP Oasis Network profile]
  • Conway Hall: lectures, classes, concerts, performances, discussion groups and the Humanist Library and Archives. [source: Humanist Heritage, Conway Hall]
  • Humanist ceremonies (funerals): the celebrant holds a family tribute meeting, drafts a script the family reviews, and leads a ceremony. The usual order is welcome, life story or tribute, readings, music, a quiet reflection that takes the place of prayer, committal and closing. Each ceremony is bespoke, and hymns can be included if they held personal meaning. [source: NAFD humanist funeral guide]

Therapist-side phases [synthesis]

  1. Assessment. Goal: understand the client's spiritual, religious and moral identity, losses and needs (CFI Module 5), and whether the presenting focus is a religious or spiritual problem. Move on when the client has a clear picture of what they are looking for (for example community, ritual, values or wonder) and there is no unmanaged risk.
  2. Exploration and fit. Goal: identify candidate communities and judge their governance, inclusivity and safeguarding. Move on when the client has chosen one or two to try, or has decided against.
  3. Preparation. Goal: anticipate triggers (church-like forms for people who have left religion, social anxiety) and plan the first visit. Move on when the client feels ready to attend.
  4. Participation and debrief. Goal: process experiences after attending and adjust. Move on when attendance is self-sustaining or the client has found the community is not for them.
  5. Deepening. Goal: small groups, volunteering, speaking roles, and life-cycle ceremonies with celebrants or therapeutic rituals where indicated. Move on when the client draws support from the community without the therapist mediating.
  6. Review and ending. Goal: consolidate gains and plan for anniversaries and transitions.

Therapeutic leave-taking ritual (van der Hart): a short-term, directive approach. Sessions are at least weekly at first. Homework then becomes central, and sessions are used mainly for review and consultation. The phases are preparatory, reorganisation and finalisation, followed by follow-up. A published case ran over many sessions across more than a year. The method sets no standard length. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]

3. Guiding principles

  • The client sets the direction on belief. The therapist neither steers towards nor away from non-belief or faith. In practice: ask what the client wants from community, not what they should believe. [synthesis]
  • Inclusivity as the bodies state it. Sunday Assembly is open to people of any belief. [source: Sunday Assembly] Oasis puts people before beliefs and is not anti-theist. [source: WRSP Oasis profile] In practice: present these communities as places to belong, not as anti-religious clubs, and check that the specific local group lives up to this.
  • Belonging works through small, repeated contact. In practice: aim beyond the main gathering, towards small groups and informal time before and after, which members rated most important. [source: Price and Launay 2018]
  • Values into action. Sunday Assembly's "Help Often" and Oasis's "Meaning Comes from Making a Difference" frame mutual help. In practice: link participation to the client's own values and to behavioural activation (cross-refer II 040), with no fixed targets. [source: Sunday Assembly; WRSP Oasis profile; synthesis]
  • The client is the author of any ritual. Imber-Black and colleagues use a resource model in which families are resourceful first and only secondarily in need of therapy. [source: Friesen 1994 review of Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting 1988] In van der Hart's method the client identifies the symbols and shapes the homework, within an agreed contract. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987] In practice: offer structure and options, and let the client choose content, words and symbols.
  • Do not borrow closed traditions. In practice: secular rituals use the client's own symbols, or forms that are publicly shared. Do not adopt ceremonies, objects or words from a religious or Indigenous tradition the client does not belong to. [synthesis]
  • Cultural humility and structured inquiry. In practice: use the CFI Spirituality, Religion, and Moral Traditions module to map identity, practices, coping and conflicts before assuming what non-belief means for this client. [source: APA DSM-5 CFI Supplementary Modules]
  • Loss of faith is not in itself pathology. In practice: where distress centres on religion or loss of faith, the DSM-5-TR "Religious or Spiritual Problem" can be recorded under Z65.8. Treat co-occurring disorders in the usual way. [source: ICD-10-CM Z65.8 (Unbound Medicine); DSM-5-TR wording uncertain: not verified]
  • Community is an adjunct, not a treatment. In practice: a congregation does not replace assessment or evidence-based treatment of depression, PTSD, prolonged grief or suicidality. [synthesis]
  • Boundaries and multiple relationships. In practice: if the therapist attends, speaks at or serves as a celebrant for the same community as a client, assess the risk under APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 (Multiple Relationships), and agree with the client how to handle meeting there. [source: APA Ethics Code; synthesis]
  • Competence and roles. Celebrants are typically trained and accredited by Humanists UK, the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants or independent networks. [source: NAFD guide; Humanists UK] In practice: do not lead public ceremonies without celebrant training, and check insurance and liability with the accrediting body. Therapeutic rituals inside therapy stay within therapeutic scope. [synthesis]
  • Safeguarding. In practice: where children take part (Oasis runs children's activities), ask about the group's safeguarding arrangements. Never name minors, and seek the child's assent as well as parental consent for any child-focused ritual. [source: WRSP Oasis profile; synthesis]
  • Respect for religious relatives. In practice: support ceremonies that can hold mixed-belief families. The humanist funeral's quiet reflection is described as taking the place of prayer, and hymns can be included if they were meaningful. [source: NAFD guide]

4. Intervention inventory

The congregations publish activities, not clinical techniques. Most items below are therapist-side procedures built around those activities and are marked [synthesis]. The ritual methods (items 15 and 16) and the CFI (item 1) are attributed to their sources.

1. Spiritual, religious and moral identity assessment (CFI Module 5)

  • Purpose: map the client's affiliations, practices, coping and conflicts before suggesting any community or ritual. Use it at intake or when religion, non-belief or loss of community comes up. [source: APA DSM-5 CFI Supplementary Modules]
  • Steps: (1) Introduce the questions as a way to understand the client's background. (2) Cover the module's five domains in your own words. These are identity (affiliations, community membership, family background, more than one tradition); role in daily and family life; private and public practices and how much they matter; how the tradition helps or hinders coping, including leaders, community, texts and practices; and stresses and conflicts, including distress, discrimination and conflict with others. (3) Ask what the client has lost or gained in leaving a tradition, or in never having one. (4) Summarise back and agree a focus. Do not reproduce the module items; paraphrase. [source: CFI Supplementary Modules; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Some people find a community gives them something they have been missing; others prefer to keep belief and belonging separate. Can you tell me where you've come from on this, and what you miss, if anything?"
  • Watch for: assuming "non-religious" means "no needs here". Watch also for unspoken grief over a lost faith community, and for current conflict with family. It is working when the client can name what they want: company, ritual, purpose, music, a place for questions.

2. Naming the focus: religious or spiritual problem

  • Purpose: record the focus accurately when distress centres on leaving religion, questioning faith or conflict over belief, without pathologising non-belief. [source: ICD-10-CM Z65.8 (Unbound Medicine)]
  • Steps: (1) Check whether a mental disorder is also present (depression, anxiety, trauma-related disorder) and treat it as usual. (2) Where the religious or spiritual issue is itself the focus, record Z65.8. (3) Explain to the client that this names a life problem, not an illness. [source: ICD-10-CM Z65.8; DSM-5-TR wording uncertain: not verified; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "What you're going through — rethinking your beliefs and where you belong — is a real life challenge. It isn't a sign that something is wrong with you."
  • Watch for: missing trauma from high-control groups, and missing a mood disorder behind "just a faith crisis". Cross-refer V 123 (Recovering from Religion).

3. Needs map using the bodies' own values

  • Purpose: turn a vague wish for "community" into concrete needs that can be matched to a group.
  • Steps: (1) Use Sunday Assembly's three values as prompts, attributed. "Live Better" covers ideas for living; "Help Often" covers mutual help and action; "Wonder More" covers talks, singing, readings and games that connect people. [source: Sunday Assembly, our mission] (2) Ask which the client wants most, and add others: children's activities, LGBT+ peers, music, intellectual talks, ceremonies. (3) Rank them. (4) Note barriers: social anxiety, transport, cost, disability access, caring duties. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "If you picture a Sunday where you came home feeling better, what would have happened? Singing, a good talk, helping someone, or just coffee with people who know your name?"
  • Watch for: the client choosing what they think they should want. It is working when the needs map points to specific activities.

4. Finding and appraising a congregation together

  • Purpose: help the client pick a well-run, inclusive group, and recognise when one is not.
  • Steps: (1) List local options: a Sunday Assembly (more than 40 operate independently), an Oasis, Conway Hall events, Humanists UK local groups and networks (Young Humanists, LGBT+ Humanists, London Humanist Choir, Defence Humanists). [source: Sunday Assembly; WRSP Oasis profile; Humanists UK] (2) Look at public information together: a code of conduct (Oasis groups share one prohibiting harassment, discrimination, disruptive behaviour and illegal activity); charity registration and annual reports (Sunday Assembly points to a Charity Commission profile and annual reports); who organises it. [source: WRSP Oasis profile; Sunday Assembly] (3) Ask about safeguarding where children attend. (4) Agree that the client can leave any group at any time. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Let's look at how this group describes itself, who runs it and what its rules are, so you can go in with your eyes open."
  • Watch for: high-pressure recruitment, demands for money or time, or hostility to former members. These are signs of high control rather than secular community; cross-refer V 123. [synthesis]

5. Preparing for the first visit

  • Purpose: reduce avoidance and plan for triggers. This matters most for clients who have left a religion and may react to church-like forms (songs, a speaker at the front, a Sunday morning). [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Describe the published format (for example, Oasis's opening music, community moment, coffee, main talk and closing music; Sunday Assembly's songs, talks, readings and games). [source: WRSP Oasis profile; Sunday Assembly] (2) Ask which parts may stir memories, and agree coping plans (sit near the exit, step out, bring a friend). (3) Plan one small social step, such as staying for coffee. (4) Offer the live stream first where it exists (Sunday Assembly London streams on YouTube). [source: Sunday Assembly; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "There may be a moment when everyone sings and it feels a lot like your old church. What would help you in that moment: staying, stepping out, or just noticing it?"
  • Watch for: flashbacks or strong shame in clients with religious trauma. Slow down, and treat trauma first if needed. It is working when the client attends and can describe the experience in their own terms.

6. Behavioural-activation framing of attendance

  • Purpose: build attendance as a values-based activity for clients with low mood or isolation. Cross-refer II 040.
  • Steps: (1) Link attendance to a value the client names. (2) Schedule the next visit as an experiment, without targets for how often. (3) Rate mood and connection before and after, informally. (4) Review and adjust. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Let's treat the next gathering as an experiment: notice how you feel before and after, and we'll look at it together."
  • Watch for: attendance becoming a duty that feeds guilt. It is working when the client reports small gains in mood or contact.

7. Debriefing after attendance

  • Purpose: process what happened, correct mind-reading and decide next steps.
  • Steps: (1) Ask for a sequential account. (2) Pick out moments of connection and of discomfort. (3) Explore the meaning of any trigger: grief, anger, longing. (4) Decide whether to go again, try another group or stop. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Walk me through it from when you arrived. When did you feel most at ease, and when least?"
  • Watch for: all-or-nothing conclusions after one visit. It is working when the client can hold mixed feelings and make a choice.

8. Moving from the main gathering to small groups

  • Purpose: reach the setting most linked with wellbeing. Members valued the informal socialising before and after the main event, and small-group participation predicted wellbeing. [source: Price and Launay 2018] Sunday Assembly says lasting bonds mostly form in member-run small gatherings. [source: Sunday Assembly]
  • Steps: (1) Identify small groups or informal times (coffee, book group, walking group, choir). (2) Plan one approach to one person. (3) Rehearse openers if social anxiety is present. (4) Review. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "The big gathering gets you in the door; the friendships seem to grow in the smaller bits. Which one could you try?"
  • Watch for: staying only in the audience role. It is working when the client has a named person they look forward to seeing.

9. Helping roles and mutual aid

  • Purpose: use "Help Often" and "Meaning Comes from Making a Difference" for purpose and contact. [source: Sunday Assembly; WRSP Oasis profile]
  • Steps: (1) Choose a role that fits the client's capacity (greeting, setting up, a community action project). (2) Agree limits in advance. (3) Review regularly for strain. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Helping out can be an easy way in, because there's a job to talk about. How much would feel good rather than draining?"
  • Watch for: over-commitment, people-pleasing and helper burnout. It is working when helping adds energy and connection.

10. Preparing to speak (community moment or personal story)

  • Purpose: support a client who wants to speak. Oasis's community moment invites a member to speak on a chosen topic, and stories of people who left their churches are a regular topic. [source: WRSP Oasis profile]
  • Steps: (1) Clarify the client's aim. (2) Decide what to disclose, considering family, employer and online streaming. (3) Draft and rehearse. (4) Plan support for after. (5) Debrief. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Telling your story can be powerful. Let's decide together what you want to share and what stays private, especially if it might be filmed."
  • Watch for: over-disclosure, and exposure of family members. It is working when the client feels heard and still safe.

11. Supporting a client leaving religion

  • Purpose: support a client through leaving a faith, alongside or instead of a secular community.
  • Steps: (1) Assess losses (community, family approval, certainty, ritual) and any harm from a high-control group. (2) Offer specialist peer routes: Humanists UK's Faith to Faithless (service details uncertain: not verified) and the guide on Recovering from Religion (V 123). (3) Separate the questions "what do I believe?" and "where do I belong?" (4) Plan how and whether to tell family. [source: Humanists UK, Community Services; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "You don't have to have your beliefs sorted before you find people to be with. Which feels more urgent right now: the questions, or the loneliness?"
  • Watch for: risk where leaving a religion carries threats, honour-based violence, forced marriage or loss of housing. Follow safeguarding and legal duties. It is working when the client can tolerate uncertainty and has some support. [synthesis]

12. Mixed-belief family and couple work

  • Purpose: reduce conflict when family members hold different beliefs about attendance, children's upbringing or ceremonies.
  • Steps: (1) Map each person's tradition with the CFI domains. (2) Name shared values. (3) Negotiate specific events (who attends what, how children are included). (4) Consider rituals that express or negotiate belief, one of the functions Imber-Black and colleagues describe. [source: CFI Supplementary Modules; Friesen 1994 review; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "You both want your children to grow up kind and curious. Let's start there before we get to Sunday mornings."
  • Watch for: one partner using the therapist as an ally against the other's faith. It is working when the family can agree arrangements without contempt.

13. Commissioning a life-cycle ceremony (naming, wedding, funeral)

  • Purpose: help a client plan a non-religious ceremony through an accredited celebrant. Humanists UK offers funerals and memorials, weddings, namings and civic ceremonies. [source: Humanists UK, Community Services]
  • Steps: (1) Explore what the ceremony should say about the client's values and relationships. (2) Explain the usual process: a meeting with the celebrant, a draft script the family reviews and amends, then the ceremony. [source: NAFD guide] (3) Help the client choose words, music and readings. (4) Plan for relatives' reactions, including religious relatives. Hymns can be included if they had personal meaning. [source: NAFD guide] (5) Note that legal recognition of humanist weddings differs between jurisdictions (uncertain: not verified; the client should check with the celebrant body). [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "What do you most want people to understand about the two of you when they leave the ceremony?"
  • Watch for: family pressure over religious content, cost worries, and disability access at the venue. It is working when the client feels the ceremony is theirs.

14. Preparing for and debriefing a secular funeral or memorial

  • Purpose: use the funeral as part of grieving, and assess grief.
  • Steps: (1) Before the funeral: support the client through the tribute meeting, where families bring photos, stories and music, and through reviewing the script. [source: NAFD guide] (2) Discuss the quiet reflection, which takes the place of prayer, as a moment the client can use in their own way. [source: NAFD guide] (3) After the funeral: debrief, then track grief over time, screening for prolonged grief disorder as DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 describe it (criteria not reproduced here; uncertain: not verified). Cross-refer XV 112 (mourning rites) and XV 115 (hospice spiritual care). (4) After a suicide: follow safe messaging, avoid describing method, assess the client's own risk, and give crisis resources: 988 (US) and Samaritans 116 123 (UK and Ireland). [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "In the quiet moment, some people remember, some thank, some say goodbye. What would you like that moment to be for you?"
  • Watch for: funerals that were disrupted or could not happen (pandemic restrictions, migration). Consider a later memorial or a therapeutic ritual (items 15 and 16). It is working when the client can speak about the death and the ceremony with less avoidance.

15. Therapeutic leave-taking ritual (van der Hart)

  • Purpose: offer structure for mourning where traditional rituals were absent or inadequate. The method is mainly for conflicted grief and, less centrally, unexpected grief. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]
  • Steps (outline, paraphrased): (1) Assessment: check whether the wider family is grieving (which may call for family therapy), assess social support, identify key symbols or linking objects, and agree a preliminary contract that is later made definitive. (2) Preparatory phase: explain how a ritual may help, check motivation (the work is emotionally demanding) and involve the family. (3) Reorganisation phase: homework becomes central. The authors use a continuing leave-taking letter, written regularly at a fixed time and place, with separate notebooks for different people or themes, aiming at the complete message including ambivalence. Expect more dreams of the deceased and a low point of despair, and add support as needed. Linking objects may be held by the therapist for a time. (4) Finalisation: a leave-taking ceremony (often burning or burying symbolic objects, with belongings sorted or given away), a cleansing rite and a reunion ritual such as a meal with significant others. (5) Follow-up: treat anniversary sorrow as normal, and discuss a private ritual or a later memorial. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Some people find it helps to write to the person who died, everything you never got to say, the loving and the angry parts. You decide what goes in, and we'll decide together when it feels finished."
  • Watch for: dependent grief. The authors judge such clients generally unsuited to the independent work at first, so focus on the relationship before ritual. Watch also for stopping the writing early to avoid painful material, and an incomplete ritual. Sadness rather than relief after finalisation, including recognising "lost years", can occur. Any medication question goes to the prescriber. It is working when preoccupation eases and the linking objects find a new place. The aim is not to erase memory. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]

16. Co-designing a therapeutic ritual (Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting)

  • Purpose: mark a transition, heal a rift, affirm identity or membership, or celebrate. The functions Imber-Black and colleagues describe are healing, identity formation (including rites of passage, parting and re-entry, separation and divorce), membership, celebration, and belief expression and negotiation. [source: Friesen 1994 review of Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting 1988]
  • Steps: (1) Identify the change the ritual should punctuate. (2) Find the underlying belief or value, which forms the core of a ritual and shapes its structure. (3) Give it a clear beginning, a structured sequence around a theme, and an end. (4) Let the client or family choose symbols and objects. (5) Rehearse, enact (in session or at home), and debrief. [source: Friesen 1994 review; detailed design guidelines in the book uncertain: not verified; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "If there were a small ceremony to mark leaving that part of your life, what would be in it, who would be there, and what object might stand for it?"
  • Watch for: rituals that quietly reinforce traditional gender roles, a caution raised in the book's social-context section. [source: Friesen 1994 review] Watch also for the therapist taking over authorship, and borrowing from closed traditions. It is working when the ritual feels meaningful and the client reports a shift. [synthesis]

17. Collaboration and referral

  • Purpose: connect the client with celebrants, pastoral carers and organisers, with the client's consent.
  • Steps: (1) Get written consent to share any information. (2) Contact the relevant service: a celebrant through Humanists UK or another accrediting network; non-religious pastoral support in hospitals or prisons through Humanists UK or the Non-Religious Pastoral Support Network. [source: Humanists UK; NAFD guide] (3) Keep roles clear: the celebrant leads the ceremony, the organiser runs the community, and the therapist provides therapy. (4) Accept referrals the other way when pastoral carers or organisers see clinical need. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Would it help if I spoke to the celebrant about what you'd like? I'd only share what you agree to."
  • Watch for: confidentiality slips in small communities. It is working when each person knows their role.

18. Working with music, wonder and secular meaning

  • Purpose: use the bodies' emphasis on singing, talks and wonder (Sunday Assembly's "Wonder More"; Conway Hall's long-running Sunday Concerts; the London Humanist Choir) as a source of meaning. [source: Sunday Assembly; Humanist Heritage; Humanists UK]
  • Steps: (1) Ask which experiences give the client awe or meaning. (2) Link these to the community's offerings or to private practices. (3) Explore the meaning together without imposing a philosophy. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "When did you last feel part of something bigger than yourself, a concert, the night sky, a crowd singing?"
  • Watch for: music tied to religious memories that brings up grief. It is working when the client finds reliable sources of meaning.

19. Children and families in secular congregations

  • Purpose: support parents choosing a community or ceremony for children (namings, children's activities).
  • Steps: (1) Ask about the child's experience and preferences, seeking assent appropriate to age. (2) Check the group's safeguarding arrangements. (3) Plan for conflict with grandparents over the child's upbringing. [source: WRSP Oasis profile (children's activities); Humanists UK (namings); synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "What does your child enjoy about going, and is there anything they don't like?"
  • Watch for: a child pulled between family faiths. Follow safeguarding duties where needed. It is working when the child is comfortable.

20. Managing dual roles

  • Purpose: handle situations where the therapist is a member, speaker or trained celebrant in the client's community.
  • Steps: (1) Before referring, consider whether shared membership creates a multiple relationship under APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05. (2) Agree with the client how to act if you meet (acknowledge or not, no therapy talk). (3) Do not serve as celebrant or pastoral carer for a current client unless the risks are assessed and documented. (4) Seek consultation. [source: APA Ethics Code; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "I'm also involved in that group. Let's talk about how that might feel for you and what we'd do if we see each other there."
  • Watch for: blurred confidentiality, and the client hiding things to protect a shared social circle. It is working when boundaries are explicit.

21. Review and ending

  • Purpose: consolidate the client's independent support and plan for anniversaries and transitions.
  • Steps: (1) Review the needs map (item 3). (2) Identify the client's people and roles in the community. (3) Plan for anniversaries, which van der Hart notes may bring sorrow back. (4) Agree when to return. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Looking back, what has made the difference, and who will you turn to when things get hard?"
  • Watch for: the therapy being the client's only real connection. It is working when support exists outside therapy.

5. Handling problems

The congregations' published sources say little about clinical difficulties. Except where a source is cited, the guidance below is [synthesis].

  • "It felt too much like church." Validate the reaction, and separate the form (singing, gathering) from the content (belief). Offer alternatives without church-like elements: Conway Hall lectures and concerts, interest-based Humanists UK groups, Young Humanists socials, or the live stream. If the reaction includes intrusive memories, avoidance or shame tied to religious abuse, assess for trauma and treat it before encouraging further attendance. [source: Humanist Heritage; Humanists UK; synthesis]
  • Stuck at the edge: attends but makes no friends. Move towards small groups and the informal time before and after the main event, which members valued most (item 8). [source: Price and Launay 2018] Rehearse a single approach. Treat social anxiety directly if present.
  • Non-attendance after planning. Explore the barrier without blame: practical (transport, cost, childcare, access), emotional (fear, grief) or values-based (it isn't what they want). Reduce the step to watching a stream or attending with a friend, or drop the plan if it doesn't fit the client's values.
  • Resistance from the client: "I don't need a congregation." Respect this. Community can come from many places, and the needs map (item 3) can point to non-congregational options. Never present secular congregations as the right answer for non-religious clients.
  • Family conflict or threats. Where leaving religion or holding a non-religious ceremony provokes family hostility, assess safety: honour-based abuse, forced-marriage risk, threats to children or to housing. Follow safeguarding and legal duties, and plan disclosure carefully (item 11).
  • A group behaving like a high-control group. Signs include pressure to commit, demands for money, hostility to leavers, a charismatic leader beyond accountability, or ignoring a published code of conduct. Help the client assess this, support leaving, and cross-refer V 123. Oasis groups publish a code of conduct, and Sunday Assembly publishes charity information and annual reports; the absence of any such accountability is worth discussing. [source: WRSP Oasis profile; Sunday Assembly; synthesis]
  • Overwhelm during a ritual. In leave-taking work, a low point of despair during reorganisation is expected, and extra support may be needed. Slow the homework, increase contact, and refer to the prescriber for any medication question; never advise starting, stopping or changing a medicine. If finalisation brings sadness rather than relief, normalise it. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987; synthesis]
  • Avoidance in ritual homework. Clients may stop the leave-taking letter early to avoid painful material. Agree that endings are decided together, and reframe setbacks as signs that more work is needed, as the authors do. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]
  • Dependent grief. Prioritise the therapeutic relationship and defer the independent ritual work. [source: van der Hart and Goossens 1987]
  • Disrupted or impossible ceremonies. When a funeral could not be held, was religious against the deceased's wishes, or excluded the client, consider a later memorial with a celebrant (humanist ceremonies can be held at many venues, including outdoors or at home) or a private therapeutic ritual. [source: NAFD guide; synthesis]
  • Suicide bereavement. Use safe messaging and do not discuss method. Assess the client's own suicide risk with standard practice, including lethal-means counselling (storage and removal) where indicated, and give crisis resources: 988 (US) and Samaritans 116 123 (UK and Ireland). Coordinate with the celebrant about how the death is described if the family wishes. [synthesis]
  • Rupture over values. If the client senses the therapist favours religion or secularism, name it, repair it and recommit to the client's direction. Seek supervision if your own beliefs are strongly involved.
  • Dual-role tension. Meeting a client at an assembly or a humanist event: follow the agreed plan (item 20). If a multiple relationship risks impairing objectivity or harming the client, take steps under APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05, which may include referral. [source: APA Ethics Code; synthesis]
  • Requests to adopt another tradition's rites. Redirect to the client's own symbols or to publicly shared forms. Do not reproduce closed or Indigenous ceremonies. Where the client belongs to a tradition and wishes it, collaborate with its leaders.
  • Accessibility and cost. Check venue access, hearing support and costs (celebrant fees, travel), and look for online or free options such as live streams.
  • Uncertain evidence. Evidence on secular congregations' effects is limited. The one study described here is a six-month panel of 92 Sunday Assembly members. [source: Price and Launay 2018] Present community as worth trying, not as a treatment.

Sources

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