Retirement rites

Domain XV · Nature, philosophy, social & rites of passage

What it is

Retirement rites are not a psychotherapy. They are the ways people mark leaving paid work or an office: a workplace farewell with speeches and a gift, a ceremony held by a profession, the military or a religious office, a blessing in a faith community, or a ritual that a client designs in therapy.…

Format

• No source gives a set number of sessions or a fixed format. Work may be individual, couple or family sessions, or a few sessions placed around the retirement date. Decide this case by case.
• Goals: tolerate uncertainty and try out activities and roles. Schlossberg describes paths people take through this stage: continuers, adventurers, searchers, easy gliders and retreaters. Most people combine paths, with one dominant, and move between them over time.

Questions to explore with your client

• What drew you to it, and what are you hoping it will change?
• Is there physical contact? Was it explained beforehand, and do you feel free to say no or stop at any point?
• Does it involve any substance, plant preparation, remedy or supplement? Has your doctor or prescriber been told, especially about any medication you take?
• Is it a group, retreat or community? How do they respond if someone wants to leave or raises a concern?
• How do you and the practitioner understand what is happening, in spiritual or cultural terms? Is that a source of comfort, worry, or both?
• Who runs it, and what training or registration do they hold?
• What actually happens in a session or meeting, and how often?
• What does it cost, and is there pressure to commit to more?
• How do you feel afterwards, in the hours and days that follow?
• Does it fit with, or clash with, the work we do here?

What practitioners of it watch for

• feeling worthless ("I'm nobody now"); depression. It is working when the client can describe themselves without their job title.
• a slide into withdrawal once the novelty fades. It is working when routine, relationships and purpose are steady without the therapist.
• filling time to avoid grief; overcommitting to escape the void. It is working when the client reports being needed or appreciated somewhere new.
• rumination; shame linked to how the client left. It is working when the client's sense of their career no longer depends on the missing ceremony.
• imposing your own views; missing depression presented as spiritual emptiness. It is working when the client can hold the questions with less distress.

When to involve someone else

• New or worsening physical symptoms, or advice to stop or change prescribed medication: involve the client's doctor or prescriber.
• Signs of coercion, isolation from family and friends, escalating costs or secrecy: discuss openly and consider safeguarding.
• A crisis or thoughts of suicide: follow your crisis protocol. In the US, call or text 988; in the UK and Ireland, Samaritans on 116 123.

Drawn automatically from the guide's own sections. Stay curious: neither endorse nor dismiss what the client values, and check anything that matters against the full guide and its sources. Not medical advice.