Atlas›Domain XV · Nature, philosophy, social & rites of passage›Guide 110
Guide XV-110

Retirement rites

A 30 · L 50 · M 2020 interventions in the Trinity explorer
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[source: …] where a claim comes from[uncertain] not confirmed in a primary source[synthesis] the writer's reconstruction

1. Introduction

Version followed: Nancy Schlossberg's retirement-transition framework (Retire Smart, Retire Happy, American Psychological Association), as summarised in NACADA's Academic Advising Today (2007). For therapeutic ritual, the guide uses Onno van der Hart's leave-taking rituals (1983; edited volume 1988) and the ritual functions described by Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting (1988). Faith-community rites are illustrated by one published Reform Jewish retirement ritual (Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts, CCAR blog) and by Ritualwell, which Reconstructing Judaism publishes. [source: NACADA 2007; HathiTrust record; Kluft review; Friesen 1994; CCAR blog; Ritualwell]

Retirement rites are not a psychotherapy. They are the ways people mark leaving paid work or an office: a workplace farewell with speeches and a gift, a ceremony held by a profession, the military or a religious office, a blessing in a faith community, or a ritual that a client designs in therapy. The idea of how change happens here belongs to the authors cited, not to any single school:

  • Schlossberg treats retirement as a transition. People move through it in stages (moving out, moving through, moving in). Their adjustment depends on whether they can answer questions about identity ("Who am I?"), mattering (to whom will I matter?), meaning, social connection, time structure, income and health. [source: NACADA 2007]
  • Ritual theorists in family therapy hold that a structured symbolic act can mark an ending and support a new beginning. Van der Hart's leave-taking rituals help a person who is stuck in an unresolved experience begin something new. [source: Kluft review of van der Hart 1988; Friesen 1994]
  • One Dutch panel study of 832 retirees found that retirement rituals were positively associated with life satisfaction after retirement. The association was small, and it was stronger in people who saw themselves as highly competent at work. Involuntary retirement went with less extensive rituals. [source: van den Bogaard 2017, UvA repository abstract]

The psychotherapist's work has five parts:

  • assessing what retirement means to the client and their family;
  • preparing the client for a farewell rite and debriefing afterwards;
  • helping the client author a rite when none is offered, or when the one offered does not fit;
  • working with grief or shame when the rite was missed, muted or refused;
  • coordinating, with the client's consent, with a religious leader, celebrant or employer.

Cross-refer 111 eldership rites, 063 spiritual eldering and 119 ceremony design. [synthesis]

2. Framework

No source gives a set number of sessions or a fixed format. Work may be individual, couple or family sessions, or a few sessions placed around the retirement date. Decide this case by case. [synthesis]

The phases below follow Schlossberg's three stages as NACADA reports them. Each is matched to the ritual task that fits it. NACADA also cites William Bridges (Transitions, 1980) for a parallel sequence: ending, neutral zone, new beginning. Van Gennep's separation, transition and incorporation (The Rites of Passage, 1909) is the classic anthropological frame for rites of passage [uncertain: not verified]. [source: NACADA 2007]

Phase A: Anticipation and planning (before the last working day) [synthesis, built on Schlossberg's questions]

  • Goals: assess identity, mattering, meaning, social connection, time structure, income and health. Find out whether the retirement is chosen or imposed. List the farewell rites available (workplace, professional, faith, family) and what the client wants from each.
  • Moving on: the client can say what they are leaving, what they want marked and by whom, and has a plan for the farewell, even if the plan is to have none.

Phase B: Moving out, letting go (the threshold) [source: NACADA 2007 for the stage; ritual tasks are synthesis]

  • Goals: prepare for the farewell event. Say goodbye to colleagues, tasks and roles. Hand over the work. Hold a leave-taking ritual if wanted.
  • Moving on: the ending has been marked in some way, public or private, and the client can tell the story of leaving.

Phase C: Moving through, searching (the in-between) [source: NACADA 2007]

  • Goals: tolerate uncertainty and try out activities and roles. Schlossberg describes paths people take through this stage: continuers, adventurers, searchers, easy gliders and retreaters. Most people combine paths, with one dominant, and move between them over time.
  • Moving on: the client has tried some options and noticed which ones give them a sense of mattering. Retreating, if it happens, is temporary rather than a settled withdrawal.

Phase D: Moving in, creating a new life [source: NACADA 2007]

  • Goals: build a new routine and sense of purpose. Consider a rite that marks the new stage (for example the hopes and blessings segment of the CCAR ritual, or an eldership rite, see 111). Agree on continuity rituals that keep connections going.
  • Ending therapy: the client has a workable structure for time, a network, and a story that connects their working life with what comes next. [synthesis]

Phases overlap and can be revisited, for example after a later loss, ill health or a partner's retirement. [synthesis]

3. Guiding principles

  • The client is the author of any ritual. The therapist offers structure and questions; the client chooses the symbols, words, participants and setting. [source: Friesen 1994 on Imber-Black et al.'s resource model; client-as-author is synthesis]
  • Retirement is a transition with losses and gains. Ask about both, and do not assume relief or grief. [source: NACADA 2007]
  • Mattering is central. Work often meets the need to be noticed, appreciated and needed, so ask who will meet that need now. [source: NACADA 2007]
  • Voluntariness shapes the rite. Forced or early retirement may come with a thin farewell or none. Explore the client's anger or shame before planning any marking. [source: van den Bogaard 2017 abstract; clinical response is synthesis]
  • The client's culture and faith set the frame. Use the Cultural Formulation Interview (CFI), including the supplementary modules on spirituality, religion and moral traditions and on older adults, and stay curious about what retirement and ageing mean to this client. [source: APA CFI Supplementary Modules]
  • Describe living traditions only as they publish themselves. Give faith rites in outline, attributed, and name prayers rather than quote them. The client's religious leader holds authority over the rite. [synthesis]
  • Do not appropriate closed traditions. When helping design a secular ritual, use symbols that belong to the client, not borrowed sacred practices. [synthesis]
  • Ritual supports therapy; it does not replace it. Depression, alcohol misuse, cognitive change, or suicidal thinking after retirement is assessed and treated in its own right. [synthesis]
  • Keep roles clear. Attending or speaking at a client's retirement event, or officiating one, creates a multiple relationship. Weigh it against APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 (APA Ethics Code) and your own professional code. [source: APA Ethics Code; application is synthesis]
  • Treat empirical claims modestly. The ritual–satisfaction link is a small association from one national panel study. Present rites to clients as one possible resource, not as a cure. [source: van den Bogaard 2017 abstract]
  • The family retires too. Partners, adult children and dependants are affected by the change in roles and time at home. Involve them where the client wishes. [synthesis]
  • Respect choosing not to mark it. A client who wants to "leave quietly" is making a valid choice. Explore it; do not override it. [synthesis]

4. Intervention inventory

The sources describe a framework (Schlossberg's), a ritual approach (van der Hart; Imber-Black et al.) and one published faith rite. None of them is a step-by-step retirement-rite protocol. The step-by-step procedures below are therefore therapist procedures built on those sources and marked [synthesis] where they go beyond them.

4.1 Retirement transition assessment (Schlossberg's questions)

  • Purpose / when: at intake, before or soon after retirement. Maps where the client stands on the dimensions Schlossberg names. [source: NACADA 2007]
  • Steps: (1) Ask what kind of retirement this is: date, chosen or imposed, sudden or planned. (2) Go through identity, mattering, meaning, social connection, time structure, income and health in turn, using open questions. (3) For each, note what work supplied and what will replace it. (4) Rate each area together (well covered / partly / open) and choose one or two to start on. (5) Screen mood, alcohol use, sleep and cognition as usual, and refer to the physician where indicated. [synthesis on steps]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Work answered some big questions for you: who you are, who counts on you, what your days look like. Let's go through them one at a time and see which ones are already answered for life after work."
  • Watch for: a client who can describe only income and health, with identity and mattering left blank; hopelessness or withdrawal. It is working when the client names specific gaps and starts to bring their own ideas for filling them.

4.2 Retirement-path mapping

  • Purpose / when: in Phases A and C. Uses Schlossberg's paths (continuers, adventurers, searchers, easy gliders, retreaters) as a shared, non-pathologising language. [source: NACADA 2007]
  • Steps: (1) Describe each path in one sentence, in your own words. (2) Ask which ones the client sees in themselves now, and which one leads. (3) Note that most people combine paths and move between them. (4) If the client mostly identifies as retreating, explore it gently and assess for depression. (5) Revisit the map in later sessions to show movement. [synthesis on steps]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Some people carry on parts of their old work in a new form, some start something completely new, some try things and drop them, some go with the flow, and some pull back for a while. Which of those sounds like you at the moment?"
  • Watch for: the paths being used as fixed labels; shame about being a "searcher". It is working when the client describes their own mix and how it changes over time.

4.3 Cultural formulation of retirement and ageing

  • Purpose / when: early, and whenever culture, faith or family expectations shape how the retirement is marked. [source: APA CFI Supplementary Modules]
  • Steps: (1) Use the core CFI to cover how the client understands the problem. (2) Add Module 5 (Spirituality, Religion, and Moral Traditions): spiritual and religious identity, the role of practice in daily and family life, community leaders, and stresses or conflicts. (3) Add Module 10 (Older Adults): ideas about ageing, age-related transitions, social supports and caregiving, and attitudes toward ageing in the relationship with the clinician. (4) Note that retirement is not addressed directly in any module, so ask about it explicitly. (5) Paraphrase the questions; the American Psychiatric Association lets clinicians reproduce the tools for use with their patients. [source: APA CFI Supplementary Modules]
  • Example language (illustrative): "In your family and community, what does it mean when someone stops working? Is there a way it is usually marked?"
  • Watch for: assuming a Western "retirement party" norm; age-related assumptions on the clinician's side. It is working when the client's own words for the transition become the frame you both use.

4.4 Ritual inventory

  • Purpose / when: in Phase A. Lists every rite that is available or expected, and how the client feels about each. [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) List the possible settings: workplace, professional or union body, military or uniformed service [uncertain: not verified for specific ceremonies], faith community, family, friends. (2) For each, ask what usually happens and who decides. (3) Ask what the client wants, dreads or would leave out. (4) Mark who holds authority over each rite (an employer, a commanding officer, a religious leader, the client). (5) Pick which rites to prepare for in therapy.
  • Example language (illustrative): "Let's write down every way your leaving might be marked, from the staff-room cake to anything in your congregation, and then you tell me which ones matter to you."
  • Watch for: obligations the client feels unable to refuse; family members' expectations that conflict with the client's wishes. It is working when the client can choose among the rites rather than simply being carried along by them.

4.5 Voluntariness and the shape of the farewell

  • Purpose / when: when retirement is involuntary (ill health, redundancy, a mandatory age, conflict). In the Dutch panel study, involuntary retirement came with less extensive rituals, and stronger embeddedness at work came with more extensive ones. [source: van den Bogaard 2017 abstract]
  • Steps: (1) Ask how the decision was made and by whom. (2) Validate anger, shame or relief. (3) Ask whether the planned farewell fits how the client wants to leave. (4) Separate the employer's rite from the client's own marking: the client can decline, shorten or add to the employer's event, and can hold a separate one. (5) Plan any employer-facing requests, such as who speaks and what is said. [synthesis on steps]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Being pushed out is different from choosing to go. You get to decide whether the official farewell is enough, too much, or not yours at all."
  • Watch for: grievance processes or legal advice the client may need; do not give legal advice yourself. It is working when the client has a way of leaving that keeps their dignity.

4.6 Preparing for the workplace farewell

  • Purpose / when: in the weeks before the farewell event. The study measured the perceived effort put into the ritual and how the gift was presented. [source: van den Bogaard 2017 abstract]
  • Steps: (1) Find out the format: speeches, gift, meal, who attends. (2) Help the client decide whether they will speak; if so, draft key points together (thanks, a story, what they hope for the team). (3) Rehearse handling emotion in public. (4) Plan the departure itself: last tasks, handover, goodbyes to particular people. (5) Plan the evening and the next day so the client is not left at a loose end. [synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "If you get one minute to speak, what do you want people to remember about you? Let's find those three sentences."
  • Watch for: perfectionism about the speech; dread of being the centre of attention; alcohol at the event for clients at risk. It is working when the client goes into the event with a sense of choice.

4.7 Marking a muted, absent or remote farewell

  • Purpose / when: when there was no farewell, it was perfunctory or held online, or the client left "quietly". [synthesis; van den Bogaard's title asks whether people leave quietly]
  • Steps: (1) Ask what was missing and what it would have meant. (2) Name the loss without trying to fix it quickly. (3) Offer options: a belated gathering with chosen colleagues, letters written to and from the client, or a private ritual (4.9). (4) Let the client choose any, all or none. (5) Debrief whatever is done (4.15).
  • Example language (illustrative): "Thirty years ended with an email. It makes sense that it still feels unfinished. Is there a way you'd like to finish it now?"
  • Watch for: attempts to repair the relationship with the employer that the employer is unlikely to welcome. It is working when the client's account of leaving loses some of its rawness.

4.8 Naming losses and gains of the work role

  • Purpose / when: in Phases B and C, especially with a strong work identity. Rests on Schlossberg's "Who am I?" and mattering questions. [source: NACADA 2007; steps synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Ask the client to list what work gave them: status, structure, colleagues, competence, purpose, income, a title. (2) Ask which ones they will miss and which they will be glad to lose. (3) Ask which qualities go with them regardless of the role. (4) Notice grief reactions; this is a loss but not bereavement, so do not apply prolonged grief criteria to role loss. (5) Use the list later in ritual design.
  • Example language (illustrative): "Let's separate the job from you. What did the job give you, and what did you bring that you take with you when you leave?"
  • Watch for: feeling worthless ("I'm nobody now"); depression. It is working when the client can describe themselves without their job title.

4.9 Therapeutic leave-taking ritual (after van der Hart)

  • Purpose / when: when the client is stuck in an unresolved ending: forced retirement, an unacknowledged career, conflict at work. Van der Hart describes leave-taking rituals as prescribed symbolic actions done in a set way and order, sometimes with spoken formulas. They help a person move from being stuck to starting something new. Western therapeutic rituals rest on a secular "therapeutic myth" built to fit the client's own worldview. [source: Kluft review of van der Hart 1988; HathiTrust record of van der Hart 1983]
  • Steps: (1) Agree on what the ritual is for (what is being left). (2) The client chooses a symbol (a badge, uniform, keys, a letter to the job). (3) The client decides the actions (for example writing, then keeping, giving away, burying or burning a symbol where it is safe and legal to do so), the order, the place and any witnesses. (4) Prepare in session, and rehearse if the client wants to. (5) The client carries out the ritual between sessions or in session. (6) Debrief (4.15). [steps synthesis; van der Hart's published step sequence is uncertain: not verified]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Some people find it helps to do something with their hands to mark an ending. If you could do one thing with your old badge that says 'this chapter is closed', what would it be?"
  • Watch for: the therapist's ideas taking over; actions that are unsafe, illegal or harmful to others; rushed closure that cuts grief short. It is working when the client reports that something has shifted, even a little, and can move on to new beginnings.

4.10 Designing a rite from the ritual functions (Imber-Black, Roberts and Whiting)

  • Purpose / when: to design or adapt a retirement rite that has a clear purpose. Imber-Black et al. describe ritual functions of membership, healing, identity, belief expression and negotiation, and celebration. They describe rituals as a sequence of acts that punctuate or promote change, with a beginning, a structure built around a theme, and often repetition. [source: Friesen 1994]
  • Steps: (1) Ask which function matters most: marking a new identity, a change in membership (leaving a team, entering a community of retirees), healing a hurt from work, expressing beliefs, or celebrating. (2) Build the rite around that theme: opening, main act, closing. (3) Choose symbols, food, music and clothing that carry meaning for the client. (4) Decide who is invited. (5) Decide whether the rite repeats (for example an annual gathering). [steps synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Is this mostly about celebrating what you did, healing something that went wrong, or announcing who you are now? We can build it around whichever matters most."
  • Watch for: rites that reinforce roles the client wants to leave (Friesen notes that normative rituals often preserve traditional gender roles). It is working when the rite feels like the client's own.

4.11 Supporting a faith-community retirement rite

  • Purpose / when: when the client wants their retirement marked in their religious tradition. Example in outline: Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts (Rabbi Emeritus, Temple Emanu El, Cleveland) published on the CCAR rabbis' blog a retirement ritual for home or synagogue, in person or online. The retiree says the Shehecheyanu blessing. They reflect on parents, family and childhood; link the new stage to the call to Abraham and Sarah (lech l'cha); and name hopes for retirement. Family and friends respond, and the retiree lights a candle and says a traveller's prayer. Participants name blessings in the retiree's life, wine and challah are shared with blessings, and there are optional songs and a reading. Ritualwell, published by Reconstructing Judaism, keeps a retirement topic page listing a retirement prayer and a blessing for adult milestones. [source: CCAR blog; Ritualwell retirement page]
  • Steps: (1) Ask whether the client's tradition has a form for this, and who would know (clergy, elders). (2) If the client wishes, help them approach the religious leader; the leader, not the therapist, holds authority over the rite. (3) In session, explore which parts carry meaning and which feel hollow or difficult (for example reflecting on parents who have died). (4) Prepare the client's personal segments, such as reflections and hopes. (5) Debrief afterwards. [steps synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "You mentioned your rabbi has a ritual for this. Which parts of it speak to you, and is there anything you'd want to talk through before the day?"
  • Watch for: describing or advising on the liturgy yourself; pressure from the community or family to take part; conflict in mixed-faith families. It is working when the client experiences the rite as theirs and well supported.

4.12 Collaboration with a religious leader, celebrant or employer

  • Purpose / when: when the client asks the therapist to coordinate with the person running a rite. [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Get specific written consent naming the person and what may be shared. (2) Share only what the client has agreed, usually practical needs (for example a client who cannot face a public speech). (3) Leave the content and authority of the rite with the leader. (4) Feed back to the client what was discussed. (5) Note the contact in the record.
  • Example language (illustrative): "I can speak to your minister about keeping the blessing short and private, if you'd like. Tell me exactly what you're comfortable with me saying."
  • Watch for: confidentiality slips; the therapist becoming a go-between in workplace disputes. It is working when the arrangements meet the client's needs and the client stays in control.

4.13 Couple and family work around the retirement

  • Purpose / when: when a partner, adult children or dependants are affected: more time together at home, changed roles, money, caring duties. [synthesis; family ritual themes after Friesen 1994]
  • Steps: (1) Invite family members with the client's consent. (2) Ask each person what they expect from the retirement and from any rite. (3) Name the role changes at home: domestic tasks, space, time apart and together. (4) Agree on a family way to mark the change, if wanted. (5) Plan a review after the first months.
  • Example language (illustrative): "When one person retires, the whole household changes. What does each of you hope will be different, and what are you worried about?"
  • Watch for: domestic abuse risk rising with more time at home; screen safely and separately. Also watch for caregiving burdens shifting onto one person. It is working when expectations are said out loud and negotiated.

4.14 Mattering and new-role planning (behavioural-activation framing)

  • Purpose / when: in Phases C and D, when the client has no answer to "To whom will I matter?" or their days are empty. [source: NACADA 2007 for mattering; activation framing per Domain II 040]
  • Steps: (1) List people and groups who might notice, appreciate or need the client. (2) Turn values into small, scheduled activities (volunteering, mentoring, learning, caring, faith or community roles). (3) Try them as experiments and review what gave a sense of mattering. (4) For physical activity, say that guidelines exist and refer to the physician or a qualified exercise professional; do not prescribe amounts. (5) Keep a running record of what works. [steps synthesis]
  • Example language (illustrative): "Let's find one place this week where someone would notice if you didn't turn up."
  • Watch for: filling time to avoid grief; overcommitting to escape the void. It is working when the client reports being needed or appreciated somewhere new.

4.15 Debriefing after the rite

  • Purpose / when: in the session after any farewell, faith rite or therapeutic ritual. [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Ask the client to describe what happened in sequence. (2) Ask about the high points, the hard moments and any surprises. (3) Ask what was said about them that they want to keep. (4) Note anything unfinished and whether another small act is needed. (5) Link it to the next phase.
  • Example language (illustrative): "Walk me through the day from the start. What will you remember from it?"
  • Watch for: an anticlimax or emptiness after the event; hurt at being overlooked. It is working when the client can tell a story of the farewell that they can live with.

4.16 Reincorporation review and continuity rituals

  • Purpose / when: in Phase D, months after the last working day. Van der Hart's earlier book pairs transition rituals with continuity rituals. The title names the pairing; the detail of the distinction is [uncertain: not verified]. [source: HathiTrust record; review steps synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Review the Schlossberg dimensions again (4.1) and compare with the start. (2) Ask which routines now give the week a shape. (3) Help the client set continuity rituals that hold connections: regular meetings with former colleagues, an annual gathering, a weekly practice. (4) Consider a rite that marks the new stage, or an eldership rite (cross-refer 111 eldership rites; 063 spiritual eldering). (5) Plan the end of therapy.
  • Example language (illustrative): "It's been some months now. What has become your new normal, and what would you like to keep doing every year to remember where you came from?"
  • Watch for: a slide into withdrawal once the novelty fades. It is working when routine, relationships and purpose are steady without the therapist.

4.17 Missed, refused or disrupted rites

  • Purpose / when: the client was denied a farewell, refused one, could not attend through illness, or found that a faith or professional rite was withheld (for example after a disciplinary exit). [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Explore what not having the rite has meant: grief, shame, anger, relief. (2) Separate the client's worth from the rite they did not have. (3) Explore belated or alternative marking (4.7, 4.9). (4) If a faith rite was withheld, and the client wishes, explore approaching another leader or community. (5) Accept a decision to leave it unmarked.
  • Example language (illustrative): "You weren't given the send-off others got. What did that tell you about how you were seen, and is that the story you want to keep?"
  • Watch for: rumination; shame linked to how the client left. It is working when the client's sense of their career no longer depends on the missing ceremony.

4.18 Clergy and community leaders retiring from an office

  • Purpose / when: for clients who retire from a congregation, a community role or a public office, where the leaving affects a whole community. Roberts co-authored, with Michael Friedman, a book on clergy retirement whose subtitle covers the clergy member, their family and the congregation. [source: CCAR blog; clinical steps synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Explore the client's dual loss of role and community. (2) Discuss the community's own rite and how much the client wants to shape it. (3) Plan boundaries with the successor and the congregation after leaving. (4) Find places where the client can still worship or belong without the role. (5) Attend to the spouse's and family's loss of place.
  • Example language (illustrative): "You're leaving a job and a community at the same time. Where will you belong when you're no longer the one leading?"
  • Watch for: difficulty letting go of the role; tension with a successor; isolation inside one's own community. It is working when the client has a new, non-leading place to belong.

4.19 Spiritual or religious problem around retirement

  • Purpose / when: when the transition brings a crisis of meaning or faith, or conflict with a tradition's expectations of older age. [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Use CFI Module 5 (4.3). (2) Where it is the focus of clinical attention, record the DSM-5-TR "Religious or Spiritual Problem" (Z65.8; ICD-10-CM Z65.8 "Other specified problems related to psychosocial circumstances" lists religious or spiritual problem under Includes: ICD-10-CM Z65.8 (Unbound Medicine)) [uncertain: DSM-5-TR wording not verified]. (3) Explore the questions with cultural humility, without advising on doctrine. (4) Offer collaboration with a spiritual leader if the client wishes. [source for spiritual and religious competencies: Vieten et al. 2013, uncertain: not verified]
  • Example language (illustrative): "It sounds like stopping work has stirred up big questions about what your life has been for. Would it help to bring your faith into how we think about that?"
  • Watch for: imposing your own views; missing depression presented as spiritual emptiness. It is working when the client can hold the questions with less distress.

4.20 Referral and cross-linking

  • Purpose / when: throughout. Retirement touches money, health, law and community. [synthesis]
  • Steps: (1) Refer for financial or pension advice to qualified advisers. (2) Refer to the physician for health concerns, cognitive change, sleep problems (CBT-I is first line; cross-refer Domain II 069, 068) or before starting physical activity. (3) Point to community bodies for volunteering and learning. (4) Cross-refer guides 111 (eldership rites), 063 (spiritual eldering), 119 (ceremony design) and 112 (mourning rites) if a bereavement coincides. (5) Never advise starting, stopping or changing any medicine.
  • Example language (illustrative): "That's an important money question and it deserves a proper adviser. Let's work out what you want to ask them."
  • Watch for: the client using therapy instead of needed practical help. It is working when practical supports are in place and therapy can stay on meaning and adjustment.

5. Handling problems

The sources say little about problems in this work. Except where a source is given, the guidance in this section is [synthesis].

  • Stuck in the in-between (long searching or retreating). Return to the path map (4.2) and normalise moving between paths, as Schlossberg describes [source: NACADA 2007]. Set one small mattering experiment (4.14). If withdrawal persists with low mood, assess for depression and treat or refer.
  • "I don't need a ceremony" (resistance to any marking). Respect it (principle 12). Explore whether the refusal protects against shame or grief. Offer the lightest option, such as a written reflection kept private. Do not push ritual.
  • Overwhelm at the farewell event. Rehearse in advance (4.6). Agree an exit plan and a support person, and keep a short version of the speech or let someone else read it. Debrief afterwards (4.15).
  • Non-adherence to a planned ritual or activity. Treat it as information. Ask whether the rite was the client's own or felt imposed (4.10), then simplify it or drop it.
  • Rupture: the client feels the therapist is pushing "positive ageing" or ritual. Name the possible misattunement, ask directly, and return to the client's own agenda and words (4.3).
  • Anger at the employer dominates. Separate the employer's farewell from the client's own marking (4.5). Signpost to legal or union advice where relevant, without giving legal advice. Use leave-taking work (4.9) once the client is ready, not as a way to get past the anger quickly.
  • Family conflict about the rite (who attends, faith content, cost). Hold a family session (4.13) and use the CFI to surface differing expectations. The client decides about their own rite. For mixed-faith families, consider parallel or blended marking.
  • Cost and access. Ceremonies and gifts can strain money. Suggest low-cost options (a home gathering, letters, a shared meal). Check access needs for disability, mobility and online participation.
  • Grief that is really bereavement. If a death coincides with retirement, assess for prolonged grief disorder as DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 describe it [uncertain: not verified] and cross-refer 112 mourning rites. Role loss alone is not bereavement.
  • Suicide risk. Loss of role, isolation, ill health and alcohol use can raise risk. Ask directly and follow standard risk-assessment practice, with safety planning and lethal-means counselling (safe storage, removal). Give crisis resources: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US); Samaritans 116 123 (UK and Ireland).
  • Cognitive change appears after retirement. Loss of work structure can unmask memory or executive problems. Refer for medical assessment and do not interpret the change as adjustment alone.
  • The client asks the therapist to attend, speak at or officiate the event. Weigh the multiple relationship under APA Ethics Code Standard 3.05 (APA Ethics Code). Consider risks to confidentiality (being identified as the client's therapist) and to objectivity. Discuss it in session and document the decision. A therapist who also works as a celebrant should keep the two roles separate for the same client.
  • The client wants to borrow a rite from a tradition they do not belong to. Discuss appropriation, and steer towards symbols from the client's own history, or ask that tradition's leaders what is open to outsiders.
  • Domestic tension or abuse surfaces as the household spends more time together. Screen safely and separately, put a safety plan in place, and follow safeguarding and legal duties where adults at risk are involved.

Sources

Books cited:

  • Schlossberg, N. K. Retire Smart, Retire Happy: Finding Your True Path in Life. American Psychological Association [uncertain: year, 2003 or 2004].
  • van der Hart, O. (1983). Rituals in Psychotherapy: Transition and Continuity (trans. A. Pleit-Kuiper). New York: Irvington.
  • van der Hart, O. (Ed.) (1988). Coping with Loss: The Therapeutic Use of Leave-taking Rituals. New York: Irvington.
  • Imber-Black, E., Roberts, J., & Whiting, R. (Eds.) (1988). Rituals in Families and Family Therapy. New York: W. W. Norton.
  • Bridges, W. (1980). Transitions. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley (as cited by NACADA).
  • Roberts, D. A., & Friedman, M. Clergy Retirement: Every Ending a New Beginning for Clergy, Their Family, and the Congregation. [uncertain: publisher and year]
  • van Gennep, A. (1909). The Rites of Passage. [uncertain: not verified]
  • Vieten, C., et al. (2013), spiritual and religious competencies for psychologists. [uncertain: not verified]
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